11 Questions of Badassary w/ Gale Martin

In the future, after society has collapsed and then we go through a dark age where there’s no cable TV and people have to wash their own cars, there’ll be a great temple built on a mountain or some-such somewhere showcasing knowledge and blah-dee-blah.

But down the street (probably close to the House of Wings & Beer) there’ll be another temple that’ll show off all the great minds that really got humanity back on its feet.  The Temple of Badassary!  I do not have one doubt in my mind that there’ll be a statue in that joint of Gale Martin.  I figure she’ll be rockin’ like one of those lady-togas and a viking helmet.

Gale is throwing a pretty spectacular party all this week that people are calling a “blog-tour” (whatever the hell that means). She just released her new book, Grace Unexpected

I just came for the rave, yo.  Anyway, you can win all kinds of book prizes and stuff over at her website and there’ll be all kinda details about that down the page – after your eyes and cortex-stuff in your brain has been massaged by

Gale Martin answers 11 Questions of Badassary!

Cake or death? No, really. Cupcake or cupcake wine…or death?

I much prefer Cupcake wine to a real cupcake though death favorably compares to a cupcake. Shakespeare once said, “Parting is such sweet sorrow” but now that I think about it, Shakespeare was a plagiarist. What you don’t know is that my soul is an ancient one, reincarnated many times over. Will Shakespeare and I were at a plague-on-both-yo house party, and I said, “Death is a cupcake.” The rest is history.

And I much prefer the Avengers Gyneth Paltrow.

Tell us some stuff that’ll blow our minds about your badass book, Don Juan in Hankey, PA?

Well, Don Juan in Hankey, PA constitutes a major karmic whammy for old Will Shakespeare. He wrote a lesser known tragicomic play called Don Juan in Hankey, Pastureleisterfordcestershire ( Pastureleisterfordcestershire is pronounced “PA” in England). Since he stole my cupcake line, I lifted his play, scene for scene, and submitted it to Booktrope as my own story (but don’t tell anyone at Booktrope I told you that, ‘kay?)

I’m no Heidi Klum, but I know House of Style when I see it.

Who was the last person you texted? Was it sexy?

The last person I texted was Addison Rinehart, one of the characters in my NEW book Grace Unexpected, who is a hot young guy (24!), who is interested in fooling around with Grace, but I mean who isn’t interested in fooling around with Grace. (The lines between reality and fiction are blurred to me.) But since Grace is on the Shaker Plan and has sworn off men, I texted Addison with this message: Whoze ur cougar?

You find yourself in a park just outside the city where you are spending the afternoon communing with nature and contemplating the green of the grass and the blue of the sky.  You consider that perhaps you have fallen into some strange mirror universe where the squirrels are plotting against mankind and you are the only person who might be able to talk some sense into them before their evil plan unfurls.  Would you use diplomacy and talk reason or is it open season on the squirrel cabal?

I was totally expecting this question. I no longer have cabal. I have switched to the Dish Network, so that when they make a movie out of GRACE UNEXPECTED, I will actually be able to watch it and won’t have to ask Ken Shear, Booktrope Publisher, “What is the frequency, Kenneth?”

Gale Martin telling that elf chick she has to fight in the Hunger Games.

What’s the most badass part of being a writer? 

The most badass part is rubbing elbows with guys from Texas who unabashedly eat bacon donuts and commingled Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles–perhaps not even for breakfast.

What’s the least badass part? 

The least badass part is getting great reviews from book bloggers and from readers on Amazon and Goodreads. I want some stinky reviews, people. Suffering builds character, and I need more character. The blog “Book Evolution” just gave GRACE UNEXPECTED “five out of five huge stars.” How is that kind of review going to help me win the Nobel Peace Prize (which is my dream deferred).

You should read this or someone is gonna write 50 Shades of Snooki.

You are alone in the center of a long hallway – there is a closed door at either end.  If you open the door to your left you feel you will step into a room which contains a person you currently know and are comfortable with and you will remain with them for the rest of your days.  If you open the door to your right, you will find a person who you do not know and are not sure what the outcome of spending the rest of your days with them will entail.  Left, right, or do you never make the choice?

This is a question about “Lady and the Tiger”, isn’t it? That’s easy. The tiger.

Lady Tiger, indeed!

In the dinocapolypse, what will be your dinosaur of choice to ride into battle?

Another easy one. The saber-toothed tiger, the second most common fossil mammal found in the La Brea tar pits.

For the first time ever, I got nothin’.

Tickle our tastebuds with some of the badassary you have planned for upcoming projects?  What’re you most excited about?

Like the bounding cow of nursery rhyme fame, I am over the moon about my newest book GRACE UNEXPECTED. I love the relationship between Grace and her assistant Philip Good, aka Goody. They BOTH took the Superhero Dating Quiz and each learned their ideal match is Iron Man. I mean, wouldn’t that be great to date the same superhero as the guy working for you? Grace and Goody also both love zucchini. I think a love for Iron Man and zucchini must be related somehow.

Helium balloons on a string, hot air balloons, or balloon animals?  When, how and why?

Definitely hot air balloons. Here’s a scene from Chapter 19 of GRACE UNEXPECTED called “Alas, Poor Latex.”

 

From the air, Pennsylvania was a patchwork of purples and golds with neat cornfields in the distance, punctuated by white silos. “This is beautiful,” I said. “I’m surprised I feel so relaxed. Sometimes I have a touch of vertigo, but I’m not feeling at all dizzy.” Then I caught a whiff of True’s cologne. I was such a sucker for cologne.

He took a deep breath in, filling his lungs with the morning’s rare air. “It goes where the currents take us.”

At first the roar of the propane jets startled me. But as we floated in the hot air balloon over the vineyard, I was struck with how serenely we sailed along when the jets weren’t burning hot vapor into the balloon. At one point it dipped so close to the ground, I could have plucked leaves off the grape arbor. I gazed at the reflection of the balloon shimmering on the surface of a small pond and felt lucky for the first time in ten years.

Now tie all that in with Christopher Walken and then tie him in with Kevin Bacon.

Is it true you listen to tons of opera when you write or is that just a vicious rumor?

I only listen to opera while writing during my day job. In fact, I have Opera Music Broadcast.com streaming all day long in my office because it helps me concentrate (I have adult ADHD). When I am listening to an opera on the radio during my leisure, like Met Opera Radio, I don’t do anything else besides listen to the opera and Tweet about it (people who are listening to the same broadcasts use hashtags like #AidaMetOpera to find each other.) 

I’ll admit it, the whole damn question was designed to lead to this spot.

You are afraid of one thing more than any other thing – and you must ask its permission and make peace with it if you are to achieve that one thing you want most in the world.  What and how and why and would you? 

I admit it. I am afraid of success, the kind of wanton literary success that gets you a spotlight appearance on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” I want to broker peace with Topo Gigio, so he can appear in my stead, and I can keep writing books. It’s very hard to sit down at your writing desk when your head doesn’t fit through the door.

* * *

Gale Martin’s humorous backstage novel Don Juan in Hankey, PA was published by Booktrope Editions in 2011. Grace Unexpected, contemporary women’s fiction also from Booktrope, was published in July of 2012. She has a master of arts in creative writing from Wilkes University. She has worked in higher education marketing for ten years and lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, a rich source of inspiration for her writing. Her blog “Scrivengale” can be found on her website.

Click the picture and make it rain!

In addition, there are a limited number of print review copies of Grace Unexpected available and numerous ebooks for early readers on a first-come, first-served basis. Simply email galemartin (dot) writer (at) gmail (dot) com to request one.

You can find her at:

Website: http://galemartin.me
Twitter: http://twitter.com/Gale_Martin (@Gale_Martin)
Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/GaleMartinAuthor
Email: galemartin.writer@gmail.com

Thanks, Gale!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

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