11 Questions of Badassary w/ author Alex Kimmell

Alex Kimmell is an author and a badass. A former rockstar turned to scary-times writer, he will amaze you with his prose and his jump out of your seat debut novel, The Key to Everything.

Now, prepareth! Badassary awaits…

Exhaustive research as always — even when I’m drunk.

1.  The Key to Everything was your first official novel, but your writing seems to have shown up a lot of places in the ramp up to said novel (Black Lantern Press, Front Row Lit, TheWordcount Podcast). How important was it for you, or in your opinion any writer, to just start doing it and getting your work out there to the world before you tackled a full-blown bookstravaganza?

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I was a songwriter long before I wrote prose. Lyrics and poems were all I ever made a serious attempt at with words before I wrote “the Key to everything”. Black Lantern Press, Front Row Lit and Wordcount were great opportunities for me. I’d already written the book and some other short pieces when I decided to approach them. They were very generous with their support and I’m honored to have been involved with their publications and associated with the other fantastic artists they support. Writing in short form for specified themes isstretching different muscles. I highly recommend reaching out to blogs and other avenues of publishing that are available to today’s writers.I don’t do it for the sole purpose of paddingmy resume though, but for the chanceto find new avenues ofexploring the art form.

2.  You are from the San Fernando Valley, one of my old stomping grounds when I lived in LA. When did you first get pulled into music and start banging out soundscapes in the garage?

Yeah. I’m a Valley Boy for sure for sure. Gag me with a spoon and all that shit. Skateboards, parachute pants and shopping malls. We did all that crap before it was cool.

Keeping it real in The 818.

Both my parents encouraged me at a young age to play music. When I turned ten, they told me to pick an instrument and stick with it for one year. It was a great way to help me learn discipline andexpose me to my creative side.

Fortunately for me my Mom loved the drums, believe it or not. I fell in love with it during my first lesson and annoyed the neighbors five to eight hours a day for years of wall rattling noise. Most of them were pretty cool with it though. The one asshole on our block moved after a couple of years of it. Some of the kids on the street actually thanked me.

The chicks were completely unprepared for that smile and those stripes!

I was in that garage so much that my dad installed a portable air conditioning unit in the side door so I wouldn’t over heat during the hot Southern California summers. I played some sports too and was pretty good. But with red hair and freckles I got picked on and beat up a lot. This was back in the days before bullying was considered a bad thing. The one thing the bullies couldn’t give me shit about was playing drums. My life revolved around it. I got really lucky with my teachers too. I transferred to the Hamilton Academy of Music for my senior year of high school and that helped me get a scholarship at USC.

3.  I would imagine having a career in music and performing all the time is very different than being a writer. I trashed a Marriot Suite one time and the security guys asked me if I was a rockstar and I told them no, I was a writer. So I had to pay for everything I broke. You’d be shocked to know just how expensive those awful paintings of sailboats and sunsets really cost (Lord knows my credit card was). So, what’s the reality vs the fiction of being in a rock’n’roll band? Did anyone offer you a cigar? Did they ask you which one was Pink?

Ha!  I was pretty mellow compared to the rock star mystique. Most of my wildness came out on stage. I broke drumheads, cymbals and collapsed the arches in my feet from playing barefoot. I used to go on stage in nothing but my boxer shorts because I sweat so much that I ruined my clothes. The heyday was the early nineties’ Hollywood scene. Altrock-tastic!My band played everywhere. We played the Whiskey a go-go, the Roxy, the Troubador… we gigged all the time at every spot place on the Sunset Strip. A few bands that are pretty famous now used to open for us. Unfortunately my band imploded before we took off to any national success. Oh well. Typical rock and roll story I guess. Most of the juicy details must be kept under wraps to protect the guilty.

4.  You transitioned from music to writing, partly due to wanting to find new expression and learning how to channel all that while working through the realization that you had Multiple Sclerosis. It must have taken a tremendous amount of strength and determination in going from one very challenging creative career and diving headfirst into an altogether new one? What was your major motivating factor and what kept you going as you figured the whole book writing experience out?

That’s Alex on drums. Keeping it real and bringing rain.

My wife made me do it. It’s as simple as that. Since I inhaled books like oxygen my entire life and wrote lyrics constantly, she suggested I try my hand at prose since my body refused to cooperate with the coordination I’d need to keep performing music to the level I needed and wanted. At first it was really fucking difficult. I thought everything I did was crap. I’d come up with some idea and write ten or fifteen pages. Then I’d delete it without showing anyone. Eventually she forced her way on to my computer and started reading. To my surprise, she liked some of it. So I kept going. To keep my creative expression juices flowing, I kept writing. Not for anyone to read, but for myself.

A friend of mine forced me to sign up on Facebook. I didn’t want to, but he not only twisted my arm, he created my account. The next morning I had close to one hundred friends saying hello that I hadn’t spoken too since we were kids. It was a great tool to catch up and stay current with everybody.

I started blogging. Mostly complaining about everything that drove me crazy, which is my real favorite hobby. I put up a couple of short ideas and started getting some nice feedback from people. Of course I thought they were just being nice.

Then a friend told me she liked the blog and wanted me to send her a few pieces to read. Apparently she liked them because she asked if she could show them to her boss. Why not right? Turns out it was Katherine and Ken from Booktrope. They both were interested in publishing something if I was willing to turn one of my ideas into a novel. I’d never given it much thought, but I figured I’d try. That turned into “the Key to everything”. Mostly luck, technology and some very amazing support from my wife and a few good friends made it happen. 

5.  The Key to Everything is a fantastic book, and it’s been likened more than once to classic Stephen King, which is never a bad thing? Why horror? How do you approach the horror genre to keep it fresh and interesting?

Thank you so much for the compliment. I’m honored that people even mention the book in the same conversation as Stephen King. When I first started reading the genre as a kid, his stories were the first I was exposed to. My dad gave me some Tolkein, Heinlein and Bradbury pretty early on. From Science Fiction and Fantasy the leap to horror was a fairly smooth transition. Monsters and mystery and nightmare fodder oh my! I remember buying Pet Sematary in the Crown Bookseller at the Northridge Mall with my allowance money. That was the first one for me. The image of the cat on the cover looked exactly like my cat Taffy at home. I read the description on the back and it sounded spooky cool. I liked it, so I continued reading his books whenever I could. I moved on to Christine, Night Shift, Cycle of the Werewolf, The Shining and Carrie. My favorite at the time was The Talismanthat King wrote with Peter Straub. It changed everything for me. The way it blended horror with fantasy was unlike anything else I knew existed before.

My approach to horror isn’t completely defined as of yet. I’ll have a bad dream or a flash of an idea that swells below my skin, dying to turn into a story. I don’t subscribe to the philosophy of “write what you know”. I don’t have any experience being hunted by demonic squirrels or transported physically inside the pages of a book. I don’t think Ian Flemming had many personal adventures as a super spy with a license to kill. Tolkein wasn’t a Hobbit. That had no bearing on whether the stories they wrote were believable or not. Harlan Ellison said, “Write what you want to read.” When I first heard that, the world opened up. I spent so much time as a songwriter attempting to compose sounds that I wanted to hear. It didn’t take Vulcan logic for me to transfer that same concept to the prose I write.

Vampires, Zombies and Ghosts can be extremely terrifying in the right story when written well. However, the majority of what frightens me, and what I tend to write, comes from a more skewed view of the world. Looking at objects and every day concepts we unconsciously rely on as they behave in ways far removed from how they are supposed to. Take squirrels for example. If having read my book you’ll never see them the same way again, then I’ll have been successful.

None of this explains George Hamilton.

6.  Was King an influence on your work? Who else within the horror genre do you respect and count as major influences and inspirations for your work?

I picked up a Stephen King novel for the first time in years only recently. When writing became something I focused on seriously, I hadn’t read one of his books in years. While I can’t say he was a conscious influence, his books affected me so much during my formative years that he is in there for sure. I learned a lot by reading his book with a writer’s eye, rather than as a passive audience. I can only hope that some of what entered into my mind will escape on to the pages of my future work. There’s definitely a reason he is such a huge success. What an amazing storyteller.

Because, like, no.

Some of my major influences haven’t been as publicly successful. John Ajvide Lindquist is one of the best authors out there these days. Every time I hear that a new work of his is being translated into English, I can hardly contain myself.

I’ve read every book by Michael Marshall Smith at least twice. The way his plotlines unfold continually surprises and inspires me. There is one particular scene in his book “The Straw Men” that I re-read over and over. It’s a gunfight in a fast food restaurant that turns my knuckles white even though I know exactly what’s coming next. He isn’t what I would describe as a “horror” author though. He is more thriller and science fiction. I can’t recommend him enough.

He’s suave, though. I’ll give him that.

Mark Z. Danielewski is perhaps one of the writers changing the world of books and electronic publishing as we know it. His book “House of Leaves” changed my life. I currently have three copies of it in the house now, not including the ebook version I have on my son’s iPad. His work can be frustrating at times and even somewhat pretentious, but it’s always challenging and beautiful.

Google told me that the House of Leaves guy (this dude in the hat) is Poe’s brother.

One of the greatest living wordsmiths in my opinion is Harlan Ellison. “Deathbird Stories” is a must read for any fan of horror and science fiction. Not only does he write incredible books, his episodes of Star Trek and the Twilight Zone are legendary.

No, not that Poe.

The same can be said for Richard Matheson. “I Am Legend, “Nightmare at 20,000 Feet”, “The Box”, “Duel”, “What Dreams May Come”…His bibliography of incredibleness goes on and on. Every time I open one of his stories I am instantly transported into other worlds that are sometimes terrifying, often beautiful beyond belief, but always wonderful.

This Poe.

Because they can’t go without some brief mention, I am humbled and driven by incredibleimaginationsof Mary Shelley, Bram Stoker, H.P. Lovecraft, Edgar Allen Poe, Neil Gaiman and of course Clive Barker. I could go on, but the list is way too long.

Whatever happened to Poe? Maybe I’ll use my new (stolen) Google Glass and find out!

7.  I write about vampires, and Time Zombies, and yetis. For you, your muse seems to be the squirrel. Where did the ‘squirrel-thulian mythos’ originate? Did you think you might be nuts when suddenly squirrels began haunting your dreams and your chapters?

The squirrelpocalypse is coming. Mark my words!

I find it so funny how many people ask me, “Why do you hate squirrels so much?” That entire part of tK2e came to me spur of the moment. I was searching for a small, somewhat harmless and commonplace animal that people typically take for granted. My goal was to create an underlying sense of discomfort with reality in the world of the story. Snakes, spiders, vampires and werewolves are scary in their own right. They provoke instant, primal images of fear and raise the hackles on the backs of our necks based on developed historical associations. While the common squirrel might be a nuisance, it’s not an animal that the majority of people are terrified of.  

Oh wait, that’s Sheena Easton. This must be when she was going to the prom with Prince.

The moment I landed on using the squirrel for my “beast” turns out to be relatively prosaic. I was working on an early scene in the book and a squirrel stood on the wall outside my studio window. That was it. I thought to myself, “What would this animal have to do to make me ruin my pants right now?” The rest is history.

I’m not sure I’m using these things right… *turn the knob here… Awe, Wendy and Lisa. That’s right, Prince and Sheena Easton adopted them.

8.  I had a buddy call me one night when I lived in LA, he ran a bar that was rented out for a private party and he related to me the following: Melissa Ethridge, Steven Spielberg, Mike Meyers, and Slash all have their chairs pulled into a circle and they’re just hanging out and talking at this birthday party.

Wait…

It’s a conversation that I’ve imagined more than once in my head.

What’s the best famous people story that you can relate to us? (and not get either one of us sued, cause I don’t need another lawsuit like that time I bagged on the Sham-Wow guy)

During my time in L.A., I was fortunate enough to meet quite a few of my musical heroes. Some I played with, some I was introduced to backstage at shows and others I made a blubbering mess of myself in front of. In a few unfortunate situations, all three occurred at the same time.

This always happens when I research. Every. Damn. Time.

When my boys were little they shared an indoor playground late one night with Don Cheadle’s kids. Calista Flockheart used to bring her son to the same park we went to and I struck up a few conversations with her. I went to high school with one guy who went on to become a relatively popular actor in a television show named after a famous L.A. neighborhood and its zip code. There’s a picture in my yearbook where I’m dropping him headfirst into a trashcan with help from another fellow classmate who now plays drums for a former Beatle.

What the …? I had no idea Kylie Minogue was a GoBot.

I won’t go into any of the drug and alcohol fueled or “spicy” events. Like you say, I’d prefer not to run afoul of the law. Most of my stories are pretty tame. No trashing hotel rooms or shark related Zeppelin-esque tales of debauchery.

For any Elliott Smith fans, I spent a very nice coffee break with himthat I wrote about on my old blog.  You can see the full story at: everythinghappenstomeshuh.blogspot.com/2010/04/one-of-my-favorite-hours.html

 

9.  What’s the perfect balance of family life and retreating into your writing cave? Writers oftentimes (like, me) have issues balancing family, work, and writing – so how about you?

Back on track here! Oh … this works. Cause Alex writes scary stuff.

If there is such a thing as a perfect balance, I haven’t found it yet. I don’t have a writing cave anymore either. I put my laptop here on the dining room table and try to block out the world. It’s a double edged sword, but I don’t have a job. That’s good for my writing because it gives me time when the kids are at school and my wife’s at work. I have to do the majority of my typing left handed due to my receding coordination, so I struggle along at a snail’s pace. I’m taking some time attempting to learn how to use Dragon though. Hopefully that’ll help.

10.  Is Lovecraft too much a part of pop-culture nowadays and is he getting played out? We do live in a world where Cthulhu-plushies exist, after all.

Where’s the off-switch for Google!

I could ask the same question about vampires, werewolves and zombies. We live in a culture of numbness. We’ve been exposed to it all. Vampires aren’t the stuff of nightmares anymore. They sparkle and have dreamy eyes. Werewolves are buffed out surf wear models. We even find ways to cute-up a reanimated corpse to tantalize the tween audiences.

An enormous portion of the genre is fighting really hard to capture the attention spans of young girls. And why not? After all, they spend the lion share of dollars on entertainment. Face it, full bore heavy metal has never sold as many records as pop music. It never will. When it becomes watered down and made “safe”, then it can explode into pop culture.

I guess Winger broke up, huh?

Humans aren’t as afraid of the dark as we used to be. Electricity and three hundred channels broadcasting twenty-four-seven. The interwebbuilds walls between us and the realities of horror occurring on the other side of the real world, or as close to home as next door. We’re numb. That’s why Cthulhu-plushies and sparkly boyfriend/bloodsuckers are so mainstream. If we embrace the nightmares tightly enough, they might just hug us back. 

I hope Cinderella is still living the dream. The world is ready for Night Songs 2.

The argument can be made that most Twihards haven’t read “Dracula” or “I Am Legend”, let alone “The Necronimicon”. While I prefer the horror stories I read or see at the movies to be frightening, there is a large audience that prefers a more soap operatic approach to their monsters. And that’s okay.

Can’t say it doesn’t get under my skin though. ;?)

Okay, I like where this Cinderella search is headed…

11.  What’s next for:

Alex Kimmell, Author?

Breathing. I expect quite a bit more creation of CO2. That’s the hope anyway. Oh, and writing stories that will hopefully creep people out as much about other things as tK2e apparently has for the squirrel population.

Damn. Everybody ain’t able!

The Key to Everything? Sequels?Prequels? Movie deals?

I haven’t thought much about expanding on the tK2e storyline. Although a movie deal would be exciting of course. If anyone is interested in the rights, send me an email and we can tell our people to get their people to have brunch and discuss sending their people out for drinks to make plans for their interns to actually read the book, write an op ed in their college paper where it won’t be published so it gets posted on their blog that their Junior JuniorUnder Producer supervisor is unknowingly subscribed to themailing list for. The supervisor will recognize the title line “the Key to everything or Nuts and Vowels. Don’t Read That Yarned Book Dumbass ‘Cuz the Squirrels Be Crazy!”, have his assistant read the blog and will then schedule a round of brunches for the peons to start the whole thing over again. Eventually some bigshot might bring the book up in conversation at Spagos with an executive at a rival motion picture house who will say, “I think we’re talking to the author about the rights for that.” “Oh, really? We were thinking it might be the next Twilight franchise.” They’ll politely excuse themselves from the party, frantically hit the speed dial on their cell phones and I’ll be the next bidding war fodder for the Hollywood Reporter. Next stop…the Oscars!

Someone, somewhere, is writing down that I’m searching fairytale characters and I’m pretty sure that is going to one day be used against me in a Very Special episode of LA Law.

New projects?

I’m currently working on a collection of short stories that will hopefully be out this year and novel No.2 is slowly gestating in the womb. I’ve been in discussions with a friend of mine to start work a multimedia piece as well. I really look forward to see what we come up with for that. Stay tuned kiddies!

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alexkimmell (the squirrel whisperer/twodoggarage/daddy not-so-much-bucks) is an accidental novelist, anti-rhyme-ologist, oxygen inhaler, carbon dioxide exhaler and the funniest man in his pants who often generates harmonious sounds with various instruments of different historical importance. his work has appeared on cool places around the www like Black Lantern Press, Front Row Lit, The Wordcount Podcast, and his debut novel “the Key to everything” was released by Booktrope Publishing in 2012. come and join the neurosis at alexkimmell.weebly.com

I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait forever.

Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five is the second book in Jesse James Freeman’s Billy Purgatory series. He has been at war with dark forces (stuff like: cobras, lasers, yetis) his entire life. He enjoys Tweeting, scented candles, and waffles. He is hard at work on Billy Purgatory 3 and an epic poem entitled Witches vs Robots.

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11 Questions of Badassary/w Sarah Martinez (totally serious this time, it’s all expose on your ass)

Being interviewed on this blog is an exhaustive scientific process under normal circumstances. There is form and function involved, but it really never goes places that I don’t expect. I’m not doing something important here, like curing bad breath (because Budweiser already does that). Normally the tried and true system works with me writing out the questions and then scanning them into email. Something like…

This is the protocol that I followed with Sarah Martinez (then I passed out after downing a bottle of the finest plastic-bottled Scotch that money could buy). I guess I wasn’t ready for the epicosity that would one day arrive back in my email box.

Sarah and I are both with Booktrope Editions (full-disclosure for you conspiracy theorists out there) and she just released her first book: Sex and Death in the American Novel

I read it and I thought it was fantastico. I thought that there were some pretty heavy/intriguing topics in the book, and it’s one of those reads that stayed with me for days while I tried to figure out what it all meant.

So, I was out working on my moonshine still (aka typical Thursday night) and I said to myself, “I’m using way too much brain power on all this. Why don’t I just ask Sarah to talk about her book, and life, and what’s the nature of the human condition?” I realized that I was sitting on this old oil drum in the same pose as that Thinker statue dude. Yes, I was naked, but I don’t normally pose like that when I’m making shine.

I wrote out my questions and emailed, then Sarah’s lawyers emailed me back (this is a normal step in the process), then KSears was like, “Why are you talking to Sarah? She’s busy writing books? And, where are my…

???”

I found out Sarah was having this big fancy launch party in someplace called Seattle. I thought about hitting that, because nobody does fancy like me. I couldn’t find my tuxedo-T-shirt (and I didn’t know where Seattle was). There was tons of important book stuff going on there though:

See, here’s Sarah there talking about writer stuff:

Anyhow, when all was said and done, Sarah emailed me back her answers – 10 pages of answers! Obviously, she thinks I’m a legit journalist or something.

So prepareth for reading-time of awesomeness, as I present here the novella which is

Sarah Martinez Answers 11 Questions of Badassary!

Author Sarah Martinez, yo!

1.
So, I was reading your book and like the main character is a writer who writes erotica and like there’s erotica that goes down in the book and so I was saying, “This is like one of those paintings that has one of those paintings in it and that has a painting in that and it goes on for infinity until the painting gets all tiny.”

This dude told me that if you squint your eyes and look at this picture sideways you see a koala bear.

So, should there be more books that have tiny paintings in them?

Not if there aren’t authors who want to write them. I wrote Sex and Death in the American Novel in the middle of a pretty hard core obsession with two authors. I saw one as the road to madness and the other the road to salvation, and somewhere as I read more, I fell in love with the one who represented madness. So this book is a weird assed way for me to try and express that.

There is the element of me addressing my favorite authors, and in the book I am writing about the experience of writing and you are reading about what it means to be a reader. It is a whole circular thing and it ended for me when I got to give the book to one of my favorite authors  when he came to town. I think that was where the book ended for me, if that makes sense. Now I am ready to move on to the next thing.

I kinda want to take over the Nancy Drew books, but make her like badass Nancy Drew. She was raised by werewolves and now she’s a model who solves crimes…

I also love writers so I was very interested in all the discussions of process and how many of us work, how many of us are judged, how we judge ourselves, how we judge others, and how outsiders judge what we write.

2.
There’s a lot more going on in your book than Sex and Death–but the sex is definitely there. What’s the secret to writing the sexy times? A lot of people are writing about the sexy times lately, but I’m not so sure a lot of us are doing it right. When I try to write that kinda stuff I don’t think I do a very good job at it–but I’m a guy and I think I’ve accomplished something groundbreaking if I can just work “boobs” into a sentence.

Why do you think that is?

Dude, here’s an exercise for you. Think of the five words you really really aren’t supposed to say, let alone write. Pick the worst one. Then write for ten minutes using that word in every line. Not every sentence, every line. I stole that from Jack Remick, and a version of this exercise can also be found in The Writer’s Portable Mentor by Priscilla Long.

“Nancy Drew raised by werewolves? What’s your opening line? – “A long time ago Nancy Drew was hot and raised by hot werewolves?”

Jack Remick and I will be doing a class that will cover writing sex scenes for the Pacific Northwest Writers Association on November 3rd. There should also be a webinar so you can look it up later. I am excited about this class, and working with writers who want to write past what they are afraid to talk about.

In my case anyway, when I got past all the self-censoring I was doing and moved into trying to be as honest and true to what I was afraid of and badly wanted to say, it opened up so many more aspects of my work. I could say I was pissed at my father and that I in fact hated him at times, because I let that barrier down. Letting down the walls that keep us from writing honestly about sex also opens up the ability to talk about other aspects of our lives.

The key to writing sex or anything really, is to put all of yourself into it. Study others who have done it well—for you, don’t listen to what others say is a good scene if it doesn’t work for you—and keep practicing. Like sex itself, the more you do, the better at it you become and the more aware and present you are for the whole deal, the more you will get out of it.

Writing is about awareness, honesty, respect for your topic, and fearlessness. When I am afraid of something is when I find I want to skim over it. The need to skip over a topic should be a clue that it may need some attention. Even if that only ends up being one line in the final draft, it probably should be addressed.

I also think that starting from a really radical place and revising for audience is the way to go. Throw everything you have at the scene you are writing, and then tame it if you need to. But if you write tame in the first place, you risk losing the special bit that comes out when you let yourself go. Knowing you I am actually surprised you would have a hard time with this. Pretend you are on twitter and you have to be as explicit as you can in your descriptions. What key words would you have to use to make your points if you were attempting to shock, seduce or enchant?  Let yourself go and I think you will be surprised at what you come up with.

Maybe I always get hung up on *enchant*?

I have been finding some phenomenal male writers lately who address sex in their work. Marco Vassi’sThe Stoned Apocalypse, as well as The Gentle Degenerates, areimportant, as is anything and everything by Junot Diaz. He just published some of his best short stories in the collection This is How You Lose Her. His short story “Alma” is one of my favorites. The actual sex scene there is short but very well done and the entire story is infused with this dark sexually charged energy.

She’s talking about this dude.

Jack Remick handled sex quite a bit in his outstanding book, Blood. Also David Steinberg, someone who I have recently connected with, has years’ worth of essays up at: http://www.nearbycafe.com/loveandlust/steinberg/erotic/cn/index.html

I am just beginning to read these, but even just his reasons for writing sound exactly like what I have been saying for a while. His work reminds me a lot of the honesty and a certain type of hope I was so drawn to in Marco Vassi.

“Oh, so Sarah and that Marco dude could write about kick-ass hot Nancy Drew…”

3.

I’m just gonna stay focused on Sarah’s interview and keep my genius werewolf ideas to myself.

Your blog addresses a lot of topics: writing, literature, relationships, sex. Beyond self-promotion, what sort of discussions are really important to you to engage in with readers? What are the sorts of dialogues you feel are crucial to keep relevant currently? What should we be talking about more openly that we’re not?

I hope my blog handles self-promotion least of all topics. I really want it to be a place for gathering information that is relevant to my own sensibility. When you land there you should pretty quickly be able to figure out who I am and what is important to me. It is also very important to me that I am able to promote others who are “doing it right.” Once in awhile I will do what I call a “gushy post” and I will rave and fawn over some new writer I have discovered.

I am planning a series of posts where I will interview several male writers that I admire, who are writing about sex in ways that are worth taking notice.When I wrote my novel I was addressing the fact that a few of the writers I respected hardly handled sex at all in their work, but were supposed to be addressing the human condition. I never expected this meant all male writers, because of course, there wasJunot Diaz and Marco Vassi, but Marco Vassi was mostly classified as a porn writer!

People get paid to write porn? Wait … what is this a picture of?

I was addressing a very specific assumption I had, that I am still trying to work though, that literary fiction can’t or shouldn’t handle explicit sex because it is too…well…explicit, tasteless or ew, you know, like too gross or something… Fuck! Forget the fact that it is also something that is universal, vital and either traumatic or pleasurable as an activity. Why real depictions of it are still largely stuck into a separate genre is something I continue to look at and discuss.

I also want people to learn something as well. When I say I wrote a book that was erotic many people bring up the latest blockbuster that deals with BDSM. If a careful reader comes to my site, they will find recommendations to other books they might also find interesting and find out why I am writing the way I do.

The last thing I want to do is trivialize sex further; instead I want to celebrate and examine it and point people towards other artists who do the same. If I can accomplish that with my website, blog, facebook and twitter ramblings, I will have done something important.

Why would anyone wanna trivialize sex further? …oh, yeah!

Something unrelated to the book that you will find on my website , is about a place I was in as a teenager called Straight, Inc. It was a radical institution which called itself a drug treatment program that worked with teenagers through the 70’s until the early 90s. This is a part of who I am that until pretty recently I kept quiet about and mostly tried to ignore. As I get older and try to work through some of what it means for me to have been in that place, it becomes more important to both integrate it into my discussions about who I am and try to draw attention to it. There are a good number of people out there who were in places like this and I think it is important that they don’t feel alone. I have several links up on my website and have posted a few essays about the experience and will continue to do so from time to time.

4.

You list Atlas Shrugged as an inspiration.I really loved that novel when I read it – more for the characters and less for some of the extreme Objectivism. Anthem was a super-important book for me when I first read it. Do you think poor Ayn is getting a bad rap, lately?

I have been told that shit tons of people like Ayn for the reasons I do, but I haven’t met any of them until you! Generally Atlas Shrugged is only cited when discussions of a political nature come up. The pieces about Atlas that resonated for me, and were exactly why I threw the references into the book were first the notion that your mind, your thoughts, and your reason are valuable. In the context of my book, it was like, hey, if you like erotica, or science fiction more than literary fiction, don’t feel bad about that. Don’t let people who purport to know, as those party goers did in Atlas, tell you that you are wrong. Do your thing and be proud of it, and choose wisely, being true to your own vision of the world. Also, as a writer, don’t write what you think other people want, or what might sell, or any of that, write what really turns your crank, rocks your clock, and floats your particular boat.

Like this kinda boat?

The second thing I appreciated was that she addressed the power that guilt has over us all. We get to look at how it works as a motivator in relationships of all kinds. One of the writers I admire, Jonathan Franzen, talked about this in a speech he gave when he came to Seattle. He is the first writer I ever heard address this. Guilt is an especially big deal for mothers as we are often expected to give up our hopes and dreams until our kids are grown.One day it occurred to me that that was unreasonable, and that much of the guilt I had about doing what I wanted was left over from judging my own mother who also didn’t do the June Cleaver thing.

As I began pulling away from the day to day routine that involved me being available for husband and kids 24/7, I had to deal with quite a bit of guilt, and still do for choosing to spend my time writing, editing and attending events for all of it. But I also believe that my happiness and my example to my girls matters in the long run. Do I want them to think that they are doomed to a life of constant sacrifice and no personal fulfillment if they decide to go the domestic route? That sort of insight took a while though. I think we are still taught to give up quite a bit for the sake of our families and it is not always easy to imagine another way to be until we have done it for a while.

Here is something that nobody mentions… Did Dagny not have the most incredible men lusting after her? And they weren’t lusting after her because she had a rack that could drop jaws, but instead it was all about what was inside her, and what she was capable of. So there was, like Twilight,which I read at the same time I read Atlas Shrugged,this implication for some incredible group sex.

Like this?

Don’t give me that look. It was there the whole time. I should write it so you’ll see…

5.
Sex and Death has some heavy topics mixed in with self-discovery and erotica. Your protagonist starts off writing gay pornography because she’s more interested in writing books that are “fun escapist reads” VS “high literature.” She also explores the nature of women’s roles in relationships and how they’re perceived by society. As a whole, do you think we’re ever going to get over a lot of the puritanical hang-ups that color our views and pre-conceived notions about what it means to interact intimately with others and what our roles are supposed to be in that dance?

First I want to say that I am no expert on anything, all I can speak to is what I have observed in my own life and what I have been learning lately.

I had thought we were still, at least where I lived, pretty hung up, but since I wrote the book these fascinating people, largely men, have been handing me all sorts of information. I think now I need to distinguish between mainstream media (the literary fiction I was reading was mainstream and popular) and what the men’s movements and what some would call counter-culture are doing. Until I found Marco Vassi, I was pretty sure men were not able to function mentally and be sexual beings. True story.I know,I am special and incredibly precious aren’t I? What Vassi wrote was revelatory and confirmed something that I had hoped–that men were more like me than different– and there was a way to find a real connection with these beings who for many reasons I admired.

I am not sure if anything different is possible in any context where we are slave to a mass consciousness, certainly not where people are still labeled, still not able to be themselves without judgment. This again goes to my discussion of what good is and what bothers me about labels in general. Is a man who can have sex with both women and men and find connection there any less of a man than one who only sleeps with women? According to the jokes I heard on TV and the way I have heard men talked about all my life, there would be something wrong with him.

I also feel like the nuances that make all of life so exciting is what television, and the mass media are so awful at dealing with. Because we simplify things to the point of inanity, it is very easy to assume, especially at an unconscious level, that there is something wrong with you if you want something different than what mainstream media presents. We wax off all of our body hair, get plastic surgery, and airbrush everything, so that both men and women now are faced with images on magazine covers and in movies that set up an expectation that we have to then reconcile both about who we are and about what we are supposed to want. What if the thing that really gets you going is the image of some big hairy lumberjack…who may be sporting a roll around his middle but has incredibly powerful shoulders? Can a woman just be attracted to man because of what he represents as a being without having to also fantasize about him having rock hard abs and a bank account to rival Donald Trump?

I have been hearing women talk about these issues relating to what they think society expects of us, but when I flipped it around and looked at it from the male perspective, something clicked into place for me. If men can’t even be real, then what have we done to ourselves as a culture?It seems to me that the more we commercialize sex, and our own bodies, and the more we simplify our desires, the more we lose something important about our humanity.

Maybe explored a lot of the same issues? Okay, probably not.

Geez, I can go on…

One thing that bothered me at a deep level was when I played back a Charlie Brown specialon DVR for my girls. I had recorded it off the ABC Family channel. The ads that were flashing during the commercials were for this show that featured a bunch of adolescent girls, made up to look like Playmates.  They had perfect hair, and full coat of makeup including shiny lipstick and high heels. The show looked like nothing more than a soap opera to me, not something that should be advertised when small children could see it.

Are we saying she’s not legit edgy? Or that she just shouldn’t hang out with Charlie Brown?

I was horrified and watched myself with no small amount of humor,ban any more ABC Family shows. So, that was interesting, here I am this person who talks about sex with anyone who will listen, who writes what most would consider pretty explicit stuff, who talks as honestly and openly about sex as I can with my daughters, but then when it comes to my girls watching this dreck, I turn into my grandmother.

And I think actually that this reconciles perfectly. I want my girls to grow up with a healthy image about what they are supposed to look like, what their friends are supposed to look like and how they should behave and get by in the world. This should apply for them, and for the men and women they choose to share their lives with.

Look at Charlie Brown. Here boys and girls are unique, and each has his own characteristics and something about them that makes them special, and at least as I watch it, the implication is that they will grow up in the world and find all sorts of interesting things to do. With the show I saw ads for, the focus was only on relationships, how to snare a boy, and how to make him the focus of your life.

My exhaustive research has led me back to this!

So my sense is that if we look to anything mainstream as a way to understand ourselves we will be making a huge mistake. This is why books are so valuable, especially the weird ones. Even books that people look down on are more nuanced than anything on television or in the movies.

6.

Bet you didn’t even know there was a European Remix!

Dancing is a recurring thing in the book. It’s a recurring thing with me at weddings – I’m already making plans to start a conga line to Footloose at Tracey Hansen’s wedding. Were you a dancer? Should we maybe all be more dancer and less whatever the hell else we’re currently doing?

Only if that is your thing. I have a friend who sits meditation. He says he gets his energy from meditation, and he thinks, and I would agree, that I get mine from dance. I think we all should be doing what works for us.

I would definitely encourage people who are afraid of dancing to give it a try though. Conga lines have never been my thing but something like that would be a great introduction for the newbie. Take lots of pictures!

I took lessons pretty intensely for about a year and went out at least four times a week for quite a while. I almost had a formal partner for Tango and had plans to go to Argentina and study there before I met my husband. I am not an especially graceful dancer and despite the fact that I love the Argentine Tango, and have lots of fun with Salsa, I am a horrible follow. I still do it but I am awful at it.

The deal is to try and fail and try again and enjoy yourself. That is what dance is all about for me. Like sex, like running, like any other physical activity, when the whole body is involved, it can take you to a different place and in doing that can be quite expansive.

7.
Is anyone in movies or TV doing anything erotic right or is it just the same old Cinemax tropes over and over?

I feel like all I see are tropes but I am also having my eyes opened to the fact that I haven’t been looking in the right places. I think I touched on this in some of my previous answers too.

It’s not like MTV was gonna keep renewing Remote Control forever.

What I am finding is that when I am open to learning about something, the examples sort of fall in my lap. Check back with me, I am sure that I will have something for you soon. For now, what I like is still found in books and a few offbeat places. Did you see the videos from my launch? Maureen O’Donnell does this tribal belly dance that is incredible to watch, especially live. This was not only sexy, but unique and interesting. I have never seen anything like it.

8.
Music or not? If yes, what do you listen to when you write? (You get tons of extra points if it involves Hall & Oates).

I have listened to Hall &Oates. “Maneater” especially helps to tap into a certain vamp vibe–this thing I wanted so desperately to be when I was younger.

#VastMustache!

Addressing that need is something that I deal with in my work. I will be listening to more of the stuff that was popular in the 80s as I am working on a book that takes place during that time. There is nothing like Bonnie Tyler to call up a certain type of romanticy angst. Did you know Hall & Oates did a song with my name in it?

I turned around, Bright Eyes.

Music is very important to me, but it is hard to explain what I do with it. Very strong music like Marilyn Manson and Metallica help to tap into a state of outrage or frustration. Also Enigma works well on the flip side. Often the poppier the better, when I first started Sex and Death in the American Novel I was listening to Lady GaGa. The working title of the book was Bad Romance until only a couple months before it was published.

…or as I like to call her “My Future Ex-Wife”

As I write the first draft, I listen to music, usually pretty loud, and then keep that music around to listen to later on. How I use music tends to be a lot about accessing a specific feeling or if this makes sense, sort of holding the emotional energy so I can get back to it when I need it. When I am trying to really work I need quiet, often the monsters in my head are loud enough, but other times, like when I am revising, or copy editing, I may use something like Bach or Tangerine Dream.

9.

Book Trailer Break!!!

When it’s just not happening–you know–the words, what do you do? How do you get away, re-focus, clear your head?

Physical activities serve to get me the fuck out of my head and back to what got me excited about what I was working on. 

Like this? No wait, that’s what Tess Hardwick does.

I am big on running or walking outside, or at the gym if I have to.

That’s what Tracey Hansen does.

Dance is something I am doing more lately, but don’t get to go out to do it as much as I would like. The launch party was a notable example. I was high from that for at least a week.

Yeah, but are you also a welder?

10.
What’s the balance for you between being a writer, being a wife, being a mom, having a life? Do you find yourself being a slightly different person when you’re engaged in different parts of your life–or are you always just Sarah? (Sometimes I’m LBJ–but my therapist tells me to run with it).

Yes, run with it J

Since I was pretty young I have been able to compartmentalize different parts of my life and myself. I am still me and my values are the same, but I handle different people in my life differently. Once in a while someone from one of my mommy groups wants to talk about writing or editing, and it feels a little like the world is tipping.

I find the balance difficult. When I do anything I like to do it fully and often it is hard to switch to something else. Often I feel like I am torn in different directions, like I’ll want to do two things in the same amount of time, like finish a book and read to my daughter before it is time to go to bed. 

Mostly now I am doing the writer promoter thing and running kids around during the day. Here I want to say that this is something that would be much more difficult if I didn’t have the husband that I have. He is very centered on the family and so he handles a lot of domestic tasks and of course stays with the girls when I have to go to a conference, or when I write in the evenings. I am not sure how couples who both write do it. I am sure you can make anything work, but this balance is hard for sure.

Different parts of my day are for different things. Early mornings are sacred writing time, then the girls get up and I have to get them ready for school. For a couple hours while my youngest is in school I work, then I pick her up and we run errands, and I do the domesticated wife routine. At least three nights a week I get to work more or run to different events and activities.  At bedtime I read to my youngest and then my oldest will get into bed with me and we will read side my side. I love that.

11.
What’s next? Maybe not what book is next – more like what amazing goal is next? How will Sarah Martinez next make it rain?

I am working on my next book, but as a part of that research I am learning all this great stuff that I mentioned before about the men’s movement and male sexuality–not as the silly or brutish thing it is always portrayed as, but as something worth real attention from the female perspective. I have found four men without even trying who are doing amazing sex writing, or honestly talking about sexual issues and I will be doing a series of blog posts where I get to ask them questions about writing and sex. A couple of these guys are really radical so I expect this to be pretty exciting.

There is no question in my mind that this dude is in touch with his feelings.

The thing with this is that I was very heavily focused on my own frustration and that of the women around me when I wrote Sex and Death. Most of the men I was in intimate relationships with that I could have potentially had real discussions with were too hung up on proving their “manhood” and couldn’t talk honestly, and also were just not very articulate.

Did you ask this guy?

Since I have started writing and talking to writers, there is a more open atmosphere and also being older has helped too I think, both in my level of ability to listen and in the people I have been talking to.

A good writer friend and I had a discussion about a year ago and this was the first time that it occurred to me–in a way that made me change my own line of thinking– that men were subjected to their own set of pressures. What he said sounded similar to what I hear some women say about what keeps them from being who they want to be. Satisfying this craving for knowledge and experiencing this connection that had nothing to do with having sex with this man, made me really happy. For once I felt like I had achieved understanding. Something real had happened.

Many times in my life I had felt like discussions with men were mostly a build up to sex or a build up to the eventual let down that would be not having sex or whatever.

What if he’s being legit, Molly Ringwald?

Or the tension that comes with not talking about it. Now I am talking to people about things that are important to people. I hope to be able to share that with others who may be as ignorant as I was.

Thanks Sarah, you have taken us to school!

How could you not click this picture now?!?

Vivianna Post is the family anomaly. Daughter of a Pulitzer Prize winner and an academic, she has never quite fit her parents’ expectations as a free-spirited erotica writer. When Vivianna encounters the award-winning author Jasper Caldwell at a nightclub, all she wants is to blame him for blowing off her brother at a writers’ conference the year before and possibly causing his suicide. But as the night—and then the weeks—wear on, Vivianna finds herself drawn to Jasper in ways she cannot understand. When their differences—literary and sexual—threaten to pull Vivianna and Jasper apart, Jasper rediscovers Alejandro, an old friend who just might have the power to complete them both in every way. Using quotes and references to classic erotic and literary icons, Sex and Death in the American Novel is on one level an unconventional romance and on another a discussion of the merits of erotic literature.

Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat…?

Click for Time Zombie transportation!

Billy Purgatory is a man plagued by questions – about his mother’s disappearance, his love-hate relationship with vampire fatale Anastasia, and why the Time Zombie keeps stealing his girlfriends. The search for answers frequently leads him into danger and the darker corners of the world, corners he would prefer not to see. 

In his quest for answers, Billy begins using the Zombie’s powers for his own designs, hurtling into the past in a time-bending attempt to create an ideal present. No one can predict the outcome of such a plan – especially not Billy. This time, his adventures take him high above the African plains, through the sleek, marbled halls of a mysterious mansion brimming with sinister science, and across the U.S. on a heated road trip with none other than Anastasia at his side. Vampires, demons, and an evil cabal known simply as the Satanic Five are all hot on his trail. 

Some answers don’t come easily…but that’s never stopped Billy Purgatory.

“So, would Nancy Drew actually be a werewolf? Or just raised by werewolves?”

11 Questions of Badassary w/ Chico Kidd

Chico Kidd has been writing professionally since 1979. Her ghost stories have been published in the UK, the US, Canada, Australia and continental Europe. Most first saw the light of day in small press (Ghosts & Scholars, Dark Dreams, Peeping Tom, Enigmatic Tales, five self-published chapbooks, and others), many immediately snapped up for reprinting in mass-market anthologies. Almost all were collected together in hardback in Summoning Knells (Ash-Tree Press 2000). The Ghost Story Society’s verdict: “powerful… consummate craftsmanship”. Her first novel, The Printer’s Devil, came out from Baen Books (New York) in 1996. It came 12th in Locus magazine’s poll of Best First Novels of the year and gained some brilliant reviews. Chico also writes in collaboration with Australian author Rick Kennett about William Hope Hodgson’s occult detective Carnacki and their first hardback collection, No 472 Cheyne Walk, was published in 2002 by Ash-Tree. Since 2000 she has been busy with the Da Silva Tales, an ongoing sequence of novels and stories featuring “one of the genre’s most interesting and genuinely original new characters” according to Stephen Jones in Horror in 2001.The 2002 editions of his influential anthologies, Mammoth Book of Best New Horror 13 and Dark Terrors 6, feature three of the stories between them. Others have appeared in Supernatural Tales,the Ash-Tree anthology Acquainted with the Night (2004), and in three self-published chapbooks.

Author Chico Kidd: before the age of eighteen she learnt sailing, canoeing, fencing, judo, Russian, Latin, French and German (as well as the rest of the school curriculum), and climbed Snowdon several times— once with a sprained ankle Then, obviously, she had a beer.

Chico was born in 1953 in Nottingham, though her parents met and married in postwar Germany, father an army sergeant from Nottingham, WAAF mother born in India to a Welsh father and mother whose nationality changed every time the tale was told. So she likes to think of herself as a mongrel, because everyone knows mongrels are smarter.

Wow. Chico Kidd has done a lot of stuff. She’s done more stuff today already than you’re gonna do in the next 20 years – or maybe more than I’m gonna do (definitely more than I’m gonna do). I get winded crossing a 7-11 going from the nacho machine to the beer cooler – and that’s on a good day – like if I happened to down a handful of Flintstone’s Vitamins with a Red Bull after I sniffed a purple Crayola Marker (not in a creepy way, purple just helps my sinuses because it is allergy season).

I’m excited if I can balance a tray of Taco Bell and the hot sauce packets at the same time and make it to a booth. There’s an art to it. I didn’t think I was gonna make it standing at the drink-getting station bar at Starbucks the other day. I never know where to stand really – like do you wait there even though you’re kinda in the way? I always do because I don’t hang out at Starbucks – I kinda run in and out – and if you go sit down to wait for your drink you get all these funny looks from all the hipsters in there with their Powerbooks open as they try to look interesting while writing the next big spec script – like maybe an unnecessary sequel to The Roller Blade Seven or Showgirls.

Or a Roller Blade Seven vs Showgirls mega-sequel.

What Chico has kinda done recently is write a really awesome book called

Demon Weather: Da Silva Tales (Volume 1)

…and it goes a little something like this: The souls that shall be gathered are seven in number, because seven is a miraculous number.

Turn of the century Portugal. Demon hunter and ship’s captain Luís da Silva is docked in his homeport, looking forward to a break from the seas and a reunion with his wife. But an enemy from da Silva’s past has other plans for him…

When da Silva’s friends start falling victim to strange comas, he knows it is not illness to blame, but the sinister work of wizard Francisco Batista.With the help of a witch, a werewolf, a ghost, and an antiquarian, da Silva learns that Batista is stealing souls in order to enact revenge for an incident in their shared past, and also to become the most powerful sorcerer the world has ever seen.

But it is not just da Silva and his friends and family who are at risk. If Batista succeeds, his spell has the potential to rip the whole world apart.

…and now, prepareth as Chico Kidd answers 11 Questions of Badassary!

1.

After all the writing you’ve done on all the many topics you’ve written on, what resonates with you so strongly about the character of  Captain Luís da Silva and the expansive world you’ve built for the character to inhabit?

That’s a really difficult question to answer. As I never consciously set out to create him and he came into my mind whole and complete with back-story, I would guess that he is (to all intents and purposes) me, or at least my alter ego. His world grew in the telling, from the “monster of the week” syndrome of the short stories to a semi-coherent whole, and I have a whole lot of fun trying to find new spins on supernatural clichés. I guess the key word is fun. I enjoy writing him more than anyone else.

“Chico actually said there’s more to life than ‘monster of the week’?”

 

2.
Would you rather be lost in the forest, the desert, the ocean, or deep space?

The ocean. As long as it’s a warm ocean, with lots of fish to catch. Forests tend to have bears in them, and deserts kill you too quickly. In deep space you need to be rescued, and other spacefarers ain’t likely to be friendly. Just look at the Firefly episode “Out Of Gas”. They don’t just not rescue Mal, they shoot him!

Whenever someone says Firefly I always get distracted…

 

3.
If you had to swim across a river of any beverage, what would it be?

My first thought was “beer”. But it gets awfully sticky on the skin. I think the best would be chicken soup, because if you caught a cold from being wet, you could cure it right then and there.

These guys are gonna respectfully disagree.

 

4.
You’ve  been writing professionally since 1979.  What’s the best advice you’d give to a new writer who’s looking for inspiration and still trying to ‘figure it all out’?

I’m the last person to ask about this. I didn’t have a plan! I thought it would kinda just happen, and it kinda did, but it took an awful long time. Okay, so don’t give up the day job. Write the sort of things you like to read. Enjoy what you write. If it’s hard work, write something else. Don’t feel you have to “write what you know”— that’s what research is for.

…okay, still more questions to go – gotta focus…

 

5.
When are you completely at peace?

Lying in the sun on a Caribbean island, with a cold beer and a good book.

Like this guy?

 

6.
Do you think that naked eyes are indecent?

No, but they’re overrated. The imagination is usually much more fun. What’s over the horizon is always more interesting than what you can see.

Sorry, Naked Eyes.

 

7.
Please describe, in as much detail as you think relevant, your typical morning routine.  Do you consider yourself a ‘morning person’?  How do you prepare to do morning tasks (ie making coffee, jumping on an eliptical machine, wondering why one of your shoes is is in the microwave)?

No, I’m not really a morning person, but I’ve sort of taught myself to be. Sleeping in when you could be doing stuff is such a waste of time. Also when I get up before my partner I can have some “me time”. The first thing I do is make a cup of herbal tea. (Mostly I drink coffee apart from that.) Usually the neighbor cat has come in by then for a bit of a fuss, so I’ll give her a stroke and a kitty treat. Then I have a look at the papers, and after that I do some yoga. I’ve never found a shoe in the microwave, but one time I found a can opener in the fridge.

8.
You have been driving alone in your car all afternoon when you realize that you are in fact driving in reverse while looking over your shoulder, as is the rest of the traffic on the road with you.  Would you look forward and see what you and everyone are backing away from or would you continue your reverse motion and not let the idea that something might be reverse chasing everything on the highway?  Would you, at next opportunity discuss this phenomenon openly with your therapist or would you continue to ignore it and keep talking about the fairies?

I would have to know what was ahead, so I’d take a look. What could be so bad? If it was a tsunami I’d keep reversing, but a pack of T. Rexes would get tired eventually. And if it was aliens, I’d rather talk to them, unless they had really big guns. So by the time I got to talk to a shrink, it would have been all over the internet anyway and I wouldn’t be able to deny it if I wanted to.

What if Care Bears had a really fast balloon?

 

9.
What makes a good antagonist?

One who’s really good at being a bad guy, but not quite as competent as the good guy. And who doesn’t talk all the time. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve yelled “Just shut up already!” at the screen. Talky villains suck. They totally ruin a story for me.

Sorry, Hudson Hawk.

 

10.
Would you mourn the loss of your burning barn if you knew once it was ashes that you would gain a better view of the moon over the mountains at night?

As long as there wasn’t anything of value in the barn, or kittens, I’d pick the view every time. And the insurance money.

…oh, maybe this is why…

 

11.
What’s next on the writing agenda? Continuation of the current series, or are you cooking up something new (or both)?  What’s upcoming that you feel excited and passionate about?

Both— I have an ideas book full of stuff, of which I think at least three have potential. I also need to finish off the fifth Da Silva novel, and I’m pretty sure the Captain and I aren’t done yet.

Click! Or demons will chase you even if you aren’t a sea captain.

…yeah, that’s totally why. *sigh*

Click!

Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

11 Questions of Badassary w/ Gale Martin

In the future, after society has collapsed and then we go through a dark age where there’s no cable TV and people have to wash their own cars, there’ll be a great temple built on a mountain or some-such somewhere showcasing knowledge and blah-dee-blah.

But down the street (probably close to the House of Wings & Beer) there’ll be another temple that’ll show off all the great minds that really got humanity back on its feet.  The Temple of Badassary!  I do not have one doubt in my mind that there’ll be a statue in that joint of Gale Martin.  I figure she’ll be rockin’ like one of those lady-togas and a viking helmet.

Gale is throwing a pretty spectacular party all this week that people are calling a “blog-tour” (whatever the hell that means). She just released her new book, Grace Unexpected

I just came for the rave, yo.  Anyway, you can win all kinds of book prizes and stuff over at her website and there’ll be all kinda details about that down the page – after your eyes and cortex-stuff in your brain has been massaged by

Gale Martin answers 11 Questions of Badassary!

Cake or death? No, really. Cupcake or cupcake wine…or death?

I much prefer Cupcake wine to a real cupcake though death favorably compares to a cupcake. Shakespeare once said, “Parting is such sweet sorrow” but now that I think about it, Shakespeare was a plagiarist. What you don’t know is that my soul is an ancient one, reincarnated many times over. Will Shakespeare and I were at a plague-on-both-yo house party, and I said, “Death is a cupcake.” The rest is history.

And I much prefer the Avengers Gyneth Paltrow.

Tell us some stuff that’ll blow our minds about your badass book, Don Juan in Hankey, PA?

Well, Don Juan in Hankey, PA constitutes a major karmic whammy for old Will Shakespeare. He wrote a lesser known tragicomic play called Don Juan in Hankey, Pastureleisterfordcestershire ( Pastureleisterfordcestershire is pronounced “PA” in England). Since he stole my cupcake line, I lifted his play, scene for scene, and submitted it to Booktrope as my own story (but don’t tell anyone at Booktrope I told you that, ‘kay?)

I’m no Heidi Klum, but I know House of Style when I see it.

Who was the last person you texted? Was it sexy?

The last person I texted was Addison Rinehart, one of the characters in my NEW book Grace Unexpected, who is a hot young guy (24!), who is interested in fooling around with Grace, but I mean who isn’t interested in fooling around with Grace. (The lines between reality and fiction are blurred to me.) But since Grace is on the Shaker Plan and has sworn off men, I texted Addison with this message: Whoze ur cougar?

You find yourself in a park just outside the city where you are spending the afternoon communing with nature and contemplating the green of the grass and the blue of the sky.  You consider that perhaps you have fallen into some strange mirror universe where the squirrels are plotting against mankind and you are the only person who might be able to talk some sense into them before their evil plan unfurls.  Would you use diplomacy and talk reason or is it open season on the squirrel cabal?

I was totally expecting this question. I no longer have cabal. I have switched to the Dish Network, so that when they make a movie out of GRACE UNEXPECTED, I will actually be able to watch it and won’t have to ask Ken Shear, Booktrope Publisher, “What is the frequency, Kenneth?”

Gale Martin telling that elf chick she has to fight in the Hunger Games.

What’s the most badass part of being a writer? 

The most badass part is rubbing elbows with guys from Texas who unabashedly eat bacon donuts and commingled Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles–perhaps not even for breakfast.

What’s the least badass part? 

The least badass part is getting great reviews from book bloggers and from readers on Amazon and Goodreads. I want some stinky reviews, people. Suffering builds character, and I need more character. The blog “Book Evolution” just gave GRACE UNEXPECTED “five out of five huge stars.” How is that kind of review going to help me win the Nobel Peace Prize (which is my dream deferred).

You should read this or someone is gonna write 50 Shades of Snooki.

You are alone in the center of a long hallway – there is a closed door at either end.  If you open the door to your left you feel you will step into a room which contains a person you currently know and are comfortable with and you will remain with them for the rest of your days.  If you open the door to your right, you will find a person who you do not know and are not sure what the outcome of spending the rest of your days with them will entail.  Left, right, or do you never make the choice?

This is a question about “Lady and the Tiger”, isn’t it? That’s easy. The tiger.

Lady Tiger, indeed!

In the dinocapolypse, what will be your dinosaur of choice to ride into battle?

Another easy one. The saber-toothed tiger, the second most common fossil mammal found in the La Brea tar pits.

For the first time ever, I got nothin’.

Tickle our tastebuds with some of the badassary you have planned for upcoming projects?  What’re you most excited about?

Like the bounding cow of nursery rhyme fame, I am over the moon about my newest book GRACE UNEXPECTED. I love the relationship between Grace and her assistant Philip Good, aka Goody. They BOTH took the Superhero Dating Quiz and each learned their ideal match is Iron Man. I mean, wouldn’t that be great to date the same superhero as the guy working for you? Grace and Goody also both love zucchini. I think a love for Iron Man and zucchini must be related somehow.

Helium balloons on a string, hot air balloons, or balloon animals?  When, how and why?

Definitely hot air balloons. Here’s a scene from Chapter 19 of GRACE UNEXPECTED called “Alas, Poor Latex.”

 

From the air, Pennsylvania was a patchwork of purples and golds with neat cornfields in the distance, punctuated by white silos. “This is beautiful,” I said. “I’m surprised I feel so relaxed. Sometimes I have a touch of vertigo, but I’m not feeling at all dizzy.” Then I caught a whiff of True’s cologne. I was such a sucker for cologne.

He took a deep breath in, filling his lungs with the morning’s rare air. “It goes where the currents take us.”

At first the roar of the propane jets startled me. But as we floated in the hot air balloon over the vineyard, I was struck with how serenely we sailed along when the jets weren’t burning hot vapor into the balloon. At one point it dipped so close to the ground, I could have plucked leaves off the grape arbor. I gazed at the reflection of the balloon shimmering on the surface of a small pond and felt lucky for the first time in ten years.

Now tie all that in with Christopher Walken and then tie him in with Kevin Bacon.

Is it true you listen to tons of opera when you write or is that just a vicious rumor?

I only listen to opera while writing during my day job. In fact, I have Opera Music Broadcast.com streaming all day long in my office because it helps me concentrate (I have adult ADHD). When I am listening to an opera on the radio during my leisure, like Met Opera Radio, I don’t do anything else besides listen to the opera and Tweet about it (people who are listening to the same broadcasts use hashtags like #AidaMetOpera to find each other.) 

I’ll admit it, the whole damn question was designed to lead to this spot.

You are afraid of one thing more than any other thing – and you must ask its permission and make peace with it if you are to achieve that one thing you want most in the world.  What and how and why and would you? 

I admit it. I am afraid of success, the kind of wanton literary success that gets you a spotlight appearance on “The Ed Sullivan Show.” I want to broker peace with Topo Gigio, so he can appear in my stead, and I can keep writing books. It’s very hard to sit down at your writing desk when your head doesn’t fit through the door.

* * *

Gale Martin’s humorous backstage novel Don Juan in Hankey, PA was published by Booktrope Editions in 2011. Grace Unexpected, contemporary women’s fiction also from Booktrope, was published in July of 2012. She has a master of arts in creative writing from Wilkes University. She has worked in higher education marketing for ten years and lives in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, a rich source of inspiration for her writing. Her blog “Scrivengale” can be found on her website.

Click the picture and make it rain!

In addition, there are a limited number of print review copies of Grace Unexpected available and numerous ebooks for early readers on a first-come, first-served basis. Simply email galemartin (dot) writer (at) gmail (dot) com to request one.

You can find her at:

Website: http://galemartin.me
Twitter: http://twitter.com/Gale_Martin (@Gale_Martin)
Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/GaleMartinAuthor
Email: galemartin.writer@gmail.com

Thanks, Gale!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

Click for Time Zombie transportation!

11 Questions of Badassary w/ Author Bryan Hall

Bryan Hall is a fiction writer and member of the Horror Writer’s Association living happily in a one hundred year old farmhouse deep in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife and three children.

Bryan Hall #represent!

He spent the first nineteen years of his life writing and reading voraciously, until pausing for some befuddling reason to spend a decade drinking whiskey and beer, playing in various garage bands, and rock climbing, eventually conquering practically every worthwhile cliff in western North Carolina.

Although a bad back has greatly hindered his rock climbing, he still considers himself an aficionado of good beer and great whiskey, which seem to add fuel to his demented imagination.

Growing up in the Appalachias, he’s soaked up decades of fact and fiction from the area, bits and pieces of which usually weave their way into his writing whether he realizes it at the time or not.

Bryan Hall is a badass and he’s the author of the sci-fi horror novel Containment Room 7, collection Whispers from the Dark, and The Vagrant (Southern Hauntings Saga).

The latest tome of badassary!

You can find him online at www.bryanhallfiction.com, and you should do so because you know how to read and like books!

And now, 11 Questions of Badassary!

1.                                                                                                                                       Bryan Hall is a fiction writer living in a one hundred year old farmhouse deep in the mountains of North Carolina with his wife and three children.

What’s the deal with writers and haunted houses?  Do you find that ghosts are attracted to writers?

Heh.  I wish my place was haunted.  Sadly, old doesn’t equal haunted.  It just means falling the hell apart and in need of constant repair.  I’d love to live in a haunted house, though.  At least it would prove there’s an afterlife. 

Yeah, that’s the same thing they told me about this place.

Is it all the typing?  The staying up all night, haunted by the characters in your head rattling chains?

Those characters are fickle.  Around ten or eleven in the evening, they all shut up.  It’s great for sleeping, hell for writer’s block.

I really gotta stop Googling stuff drunk.

2.                                                                                                                                         Sci-fi and horror are two genres that one would think go together like chocolate and peanut butter, yet – it also seems like it’s harder to blend the two together than one might think.  Do you find this to be true?

It’s harder to blend them than most realize, I think.  And especially difficult to please all the readers.  Most tend to say there’s either too much or not enough of one or the other genres.  I actually don’t do a lot of sci-fi stuff – a few shorts here and there and the novel are about it.  It’s a lot of work.

Not necessarily Sci-Fi/Horror, but I didn’t figure anyone would catch the Green Slime reference.

If loving this is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

What elements from each genre do you feel play well together?  Which ones, not so much?

The isolation element is the obvious one.  The remote settings that are possible in a sci-fi story make it a perfect fit for horror since it adds the element of hopelessness.  The technology angle is tricky.  Too advanced, and it can actually negate most of that hopelessness and risk. 

Eh, screw it.

3.                                                                                                                                      What’s the worst meal you’ve ever eaten?

When I was a teenager my family bought a pack of those frozen corn dogs.  I opened them up and threw a couple in the oven.  The sweet scent of MSG coated, artificially preserved batter wrapped weenies filled the house and got my stomach nice and excited for the deliciousness soon to come.  When they were done, I took them out, applied a liberal dose of mustard, and proceeded to take two or three hefty, hungry teenager sized bites.  When the funky, rancid, rubbery taste filled my mouth I knew something was wrong.  The batter on the outside was fine, but the hot dogs inside were shriveled up gray things that looked like bloated, mummified worms.  I vomited for at least fifteen minutes and it took me years to return to a corn dog.  Even now I peel off a bit of batter and make sure there’s no surprise waiting inside. 

At the edge of the Walmart parking lot nobody can hear you scream.

4.                                                                                                                                        What is the geekiest celebrity sighting you’ve ever had/or could potentially have (mine was comics/novelist Warren Ellis, I was afraid he was going to smack me in the face with his cane)?

I honestly don’t think I’ve ever had one.  I don’t get out much, and all my emails to Garth Ennis inviting him over for some Jameson’s go unanswered.  I think I met Nikita Koloff once.  But that may have been a nightmare I’m just remembering as reality. 

Garth Ennis has been writing a lot of Punisher and working out.

5.                                                                                                                                         You stand in front of two doors. One leads to your past and will allow you to change the outcome of one personal event. The other leads to your future (ten years from now) and while you’ll be able to see how your life has turned out you can’t change the outcome. Which door do you go through?

That’s an easy one.  The past.  Racing headlong towards a future that you can’t change wouldn’t just be scary as hell, it would be kind of boring.  The past?  There’s plenty of stuff to pick from to change back there.  Not quite in my life, but in the lives of some people who were very close to me.  As long as my Mom didn’t meet me and think I was hot or anything, I’d choose the past door every time.

The Time/Space Continuum might not have been the only thing screwed up.

6.                                                                                                                                         Your best friend calls. You are tasked to make a trip to the Home Depot to pick up tarp.  Exact specifications are provided, including the color.  Do you immediately think the worst and contact the authorities, or do you play along?

Play along, man.  If for no other reason than to find out why the hell the color of it matters.

FYI, it was for this.

7.                                                                                                                                         You are given the opportunity to make one universal law for yourself – a creed which you will follow until the end of time – and you can also make a universal law for the rest of humanity which they will also follow until the end of time.  What are these new laws?  They cannot be the same law, and they must be polar opposites of one another?

My initial instinct leads me to say: Humanity-wise it would just be to stop proliferating nonsense and to actually learn about a subject before they begin to scream to the heavens about it being fact.  I love knowledge, and the amount of misinformation on everything from herbal supplements to Bigfoot is amazing and frustrating to me.  But that means that the polar opposite of that would require me to constantly accept everything I read or hear as fact and then proudly proclaim it to be such every chance I get.  With that in mind…I’ll just say my creed will be to sleep in on Sunday.  Everyone else has to get up early and get stuff done.  Yeah.  I like that idea.

Ripped like Bigfoot? GNC, bitches!

8.                                                                                                                                           Do you listen to music when you write/edit? What are some must have’s on your current playlist?

Can’t do it unless it’s instrumental stuff or something I’ve heard so much that it’s ingrained in my subconscious.  I listen to the NIN album “Ghosts” a lot since it’s instrumental, or anything from the Drive by Truckers or the Gaslight Anthem since I’ve heard them so much they’re not distracting.  But usually it’s just the sweet, supple sounds of silence.

9.                                                                                                                                        Most embarrassing moment?

I don’t shame easily.  But I remember one time in elementary school showing up to school with toothpaste crusted on my lips.  It was right about the time that boys start learning about sexy time hijinks, so you can imagine the jokes made at my expense thanks to that nice, white crust in the corners of my mouth.  Even that was funny, though.  I guess I don’t get that embarrassed. 

Something similar happened to Dr. Phil. That’s why he yells all the time.

10.                                                                                                                                         With the market being so flooded with entertainment choices – especially in the ebook game – what do you feel audiences are truly looking for in a good story?  What are some of the things you feel set your stories apart from other stories in the sci-fi and horror genres?

I wish I knew what they were looking for, man.  I think it really just comes down to a good entertaining read in the end.  If you write a story that entertains and makes them forget the stress of their lives for a while, I think they like it.  As for what sets mine apart, I try to write multilayered stuff that will stay with you after you read it.  I hope my stories are entertaining, but at the same time I strive to write things that have subtle nuances beneath the surface.  I don’t know if I always succeed, but some people seem to think so.

11.                                                                                                                                     What you got coming up?  What upcoming project are you most looking forward to tackling?

Coming up will be the next books in the Southern Hauntings Saga from Angelic Knight Press.  “The Vagrant” is already out and has gotten great reviews, and the next book (and the official start of the Saga) is titled “The Girl” and will be out soon.  It’s a southern gothic ghost series about a man who has the ability to see ghosts.  He travels the south, essentially being hired by various clients looking to use his talents.  But he’s also running from a past that he can barely even remember.  I’m looking forward to driving further down the winding road that the series is taking, and I’m also working on an unrelated novel dealing with schizophrenia, ghosts, demons, and the breakdown of families.  I’m really excited about finishing it up, although it’s been the toughest thing I’ve ever written.

We’d like to thank Bryan Hall for stopping by and Stacey Turner of Angelic Knight Press for  putting us in touch and letting us know about Bryan’s fantastic books!

Click!

Now, an attention-whoring break:

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

Click!

11 Questions of Badassary w/ Bharti Kirchner

Here’s some straight up razz-ma-tazz info you need to know about author Bharti Kirchner that I lifted like a jewel thief straight off her website:

Bharti Kirchner is the prolific author of nine books — five novels and four cookbooks. Her fifth, a mystery novel Tulip Season: A Mitra Basu Mystery is now out. (“Engrossing,” says the Seattle Times.) Her work has been translated into German, Dutch, Spanish, Marathi, Thai and other languages. Her fourth novelPastries: A Novel of Desserts and Discoveries (St. Martin’s Press) was selected for the Summer Washington Reads program. Darjeeling (St. Martin’s Press), a third novel, received endorsements from top national authors. Shiva Dancing (Dutton), her first novel, was chosen by Seattle Weekly to be among the top 18 books by Seattle authors in the last 25 years. (“A finely crafted novel,” says Publisher’s Weekly. “A fresh literary terrain,” says San Francisco Chronicle.)Sharmila’s Book, a second novel, was published by Dutton. (“Smart, swift, and funny,” says Publisher’s Weekly.)

Bharti Kirchner: book writer, badass, expert on tulips trying to kill you.

AWARDS & HONORS – Bharti has won a City Artist’s Project Grant, a 4-Culture literature award, two Seattle Arts Commission literature grants, and two Artist Trust GAP grants. She has won a fellowship from VCCA (Virginia center for the Creative Arts). She has been honored as a Living Pioneer Asian American Author.

If you’re not already impressed you might need to ask yourself if you really understand what it means to know about impressive stuff.  She’s done more stuff in those two paragraphs than I’ve done in this life and that previous life where I hung out with Shirley MacLaine and Rasputin.  That’s saying a lot too, cause Rasputin knew how to bring the party and we rocked the Czar-Rave hard.

Now, prepare yourself to get more of your mind blown as Bharti Kirchner travels to a place that she probably never thought she’d ever travel (and her Book Manager should have warned her about ahead of time) and she answers

11 Questions of Badassary!

1.
Your book is called Tulip Season, which sounds safe enough – like, I didn’t lock my Kindle in the cellar or anything because I thought it would e-ink stab me to death when I’ve had 3 too many martinis and 2 too many shots of Nyquil.
But I see BLOOD and I sense something sinister is afoot.  Please explain in a non-spoiler, yet captivating way.

BK: The cover image shows the contrasts inherent in the book. As the book opens, we see Mitra Basu, a shy young Seattle garden designer who loves to take care of her beloved yellow tulips. Little does she know that her garden is about to get clouded over. The blood, not too much of it in the book, is like tears that’ll spill out of her.

I tried to tell y’all tulips can look sinister! Bharti lures you in with pretty flowers and then the blood starts flying.

2.
So, are tulips really trying to kill us?  Because two weeks ago it was bath salts and last week it was Snooki & J-Wows new show on MTV.What sorts of normal everyday things do you see out in the real world and it makes the wheels in your head lock into 4-wheel drive “Oh, that could sneak up on someone in one of my books and they’d never suspect it!”?

Are puppies plotting to kill us?

“Just keep acting cute and then let slip us on their ankles.”

Care Bears?

The Tyler Durden inserted frame that made a whole generation of movie-goers lose their shit.

Gum?  Cause I will straight up quit inviting gum to plot my downfall in my own mouth!

If this chick isn’t mind controlled into pod-village then I don’t know who is.

BK: Not to worry. Tulips are lovely gentle flowers that open their hearts to people. In my book, they become a symbol of friendship, both a dying one, as well as a new one about to blossom.

A favorite childhood book of mine was Alexandre Dumas’ The Black Tulip. Ever since, tulips have fascinated me. Although the stories are nothing similar, I must have gotten the idea of putting tulips as a character in a book from Dumas.

3.
Does love/romance gone wrong always need to factor into the perfect thriller/who-the-hell-did-it?  Are we obsesed with the notion that those we trust the most might be out to get us when our guard is down?  Or, have I been watching too many made-for-Lifetime-movies/episodes of Ancient Aliens?

BK: You’re watching life, I think! I can’t speak for other crime writers, but in mine you get a balance of the good and the scary stuff. Examples of good: An adopted grandmother who goes out of her way to help Mitra, a community who gathers together for the same reason, a mother who usually stays home and reads books ventures out to look for clues.
If I were to use a Mitra metaphor, I’d say the scary stuff eventually gets composted.

“The vast-mustache call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE, Julia Roberts!”

4.
I obviously cut/pasted this off the Tulip Season Amazon page (maybe I shouldn’t have given that away? Maybe I’d have looked like I had mind-powers?):

Kareena Sinha, an Indian-American domestic-violence counselor, disappears from her Seattle home. When the police dismiss suspicions that she herself was a victim of spousal abuse, her best friend, Mitra Basu, a young landscape designer, resolves to find her. Mitra’s search reveals glimpses of a secret life involving her friend
and a Bollywood actor of ill repute. Following the trail, Mitra is lured back to India where she uncovers the actor’s ties to the Mumbai underworld and his financial difficulties – landing her in a web of life-threatening intrigue where Mitra can’t be sure of Kareena’s safety or her own. That sounds bang-a-rang awesome right there!  What gave you the idea of going all international with this mystery tome and incorporating elements like Bollywood, the Mumbai underworld, and Tulips?

BK: In a writer’s head, many disparate elements come together to make a story. Where do these elements come from? I am not sure.

With Tulip Season, as with my other novels, the story developed a sentence at a time. I don’t outline. I always wonder what’s next. I don’t consciously think it all out before getting started. I dive right in, then float up and gasp for air. That for me is the thrill and fear of writing a novel.

5.                                                                                                                                               I have seen a huge surge of Indian themes, fashion, film all hitting the pop-culture radar lately.  Do you see that too?  If so, what do you think American culture stands to gain the most by learning about Indian culture?

Put this in your Mouse Ears and smoke it, High School Musical!

BK: I certainly see that. I could name many possible influences, but will choose a highly visible aspect of Indian culture: the use of color. You are dazzled by the colorful clothing women wear, which look like candle flames.

Okay, Google is distracting me a little bit…

A cow gets its horns painted. The houses are pastel, with brightly hued windows. There’s even a festival called Holi or spring festival which celebrates the vibrant colors of spring.

I’m sorry, what was that?

On that day, people smear their faces with color and spray each other with colored water. You don’t wear your nice clothes that day! You just have fun.  

Books. You’re a serious interviewer and you’re talking to Bharti about books.

6.
I heard you’re a badass when it comes to getting your recipe on!  Did this love of food and wanting to get other foodies on board sort of drive your career shift from the technology sector to become an author?

BK: That’s precisely what happened. You have to really love food to make that kind of a drastic transition, and I did. (I loved to cook.) That doesn’t mean consuming huge quantities of food. It is rather the idea of food, seeing food through many lenses, and wanting to share that experience with others.

I don’t write that much about food any more, only occasional essays. Novels and magazine articles take up my time.

7.
Was Scooby-Doo a good detective?  Or was he just high all the time and he bumped into right stuff every episode so the secret door would unlock or the obvious crate of stolen diamonds would have the tarp knocked off it so everyone could go, “Scooby found the obvious crate of diamonds!”

BK: Nobuo Yoshihama, the detective in Tulip Season, does the routine job of investigation. (Some of my women readers seem to like him, regardless.) But it’s the amateur sleuth, Mitra, who finds the “crate of diamond.” She doesn’t bump into the right stuff all the time. All too often she steps into the snake’s pit. She gets out somehow.

I don’t get it.

8.
In Tulip Season you set up: A Mitra Basu Mystery.  So, I’m guessing that there are gonna be more of these mysteries?  Did you find it difficult to plot out a mystery story and did it involve intense outlining?  Is there a greater story-arc that spans across the books and how far do have all this mapped out?  (in your head counts, too)

BK: I didn’t plan for it to be a series, but lots of readers are asking. We’ll see if I go that route.

A mystery being fast-paced, I found the plotting to be different from that of a mainstream novel. More actions, more often, connected like a chain, for example. Then, too, all character actions have to have credible motivation behind them. Mystery readers demand that. As I have mentioned below I don’t outline. So it was a bit of juggling act to keep all of these crucial elements in balance.

I don’t have a big story-arc all worked out yet (for the same reason I don’t outline). I do, however, see a tremendous amount of personal growth for Mitra in the course of this possible series.

9.
What’s some badass stuff that we should know about Tulip Season that we haven’t already covered?

BK: Readers generally don’t get excited about the prose of a mystery novel. They don’t pick out their favorite sentence, go back and reread some passages, underline their Kindle. To my surprise, a number of my readers have done all that. They email me, commenting on the lyrical quality of the book, which they say is one of its pleasures.

10.
You’d kick my ass if we played CLUE, huh?

BK: Clues? No! One of my early readers was a mystery writer who told me he couldn’t have predicted the ending. There are plenty of clues, but also many twists and turns that can keep a reader misdirected.

Is this one of those Tim Burton movies? Where the hell is Ed Wood?

11.
Bharti Kirchner, if you were suddenly president of the world what’s some of the kick-ass stuff that you’d do right away to get this old world spinning full-speed ahead?

Giraffe’s aren’t trying to kill me, are they?

BK: There shall be no war.

I recall an old bumper sticker that said: Suppose they gave a war and nobody came. I wish we could be there.

#word

I’d like to sincerely thank Bharti for agreeing to let me interview her.  She’s a fantastic and prolific writer and I now have a new someone to aspire to be more like!

How can you not CLICK on this picture now? Do it.

A missing domestic-violence counselor. A wealthy and callous husband. A dangerous romance.

Kareena Sinha, an Indian-American domestic-violence counselor, disappears from her Seattle home. When the police dismiss suspicions that she herself was a victim of spousal abuse, her best friend, Mitra Basu, a young landscape designer, resolves to find her.

Mitra’s search reveals glimpses of a secret life involving her friend and a Bollywood actor of ill repute. Following the trail, Mitra is lured back to India where she uncovers the actor’s ties to the Mumbai underworld and his financial difficulties – landing her in a web of life-threatening intrigue where Mitra can’t be sure of Kareena’s safety or her own.
“Mitra is gunpowder chutney to the mystery genre, her adventures a hot refreshing blast of sumptuous storytelling. Bharti Kirchner has once again conquered another literary field. Highly Addictive.” — Skye Moody, Author of the mystery novel Three Bags Full

“Tulip Season is an evocative taste of Seattle’s darker side.” — Cara Black, Author of the mystery novel Murder at the Lanterne Rouge

“A multi-layered mystery, Tulip Season is carefully crafted.” — Curt Colbert, Co-author of the upcoming mystery novel Dial ‘C’ for Chihuahua

CLICK for Time Zombie Transportation!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

11 Questions of Badassary w/ Belinda Frisch

Belinda Frisch is a writer you should know about, so I’m hosting her in 11 Questions of Badassary because that’s what this column is for.  It’s also for me to talk about drinking, and Yetis, and Alien Invasions, but today we’re mostly gonna talk about Belinda Frisch.  Isn’t it fun to do that?  Say it with me: Belinda Frissssssssssccccccchhhhhhhhhhh!

I just had a Sesame Street moment, not an Electric Company one – because Electric Company was kind of a Sesame Street knock-off, but it did have weird-too-animated Spider-Man so I can’t completely write it off.

Don’t get me started on Fraggle Rock though.

When these things rise up they are gonna go straight Sleestak on our asses!

Focus…

Zen…

Random Cat Meme…

As I was saying, Belinda Frisch is awesome and she writes scary books and I dig scary books like a fat kid tumbling around in an ice cream truck during an earthquake.

Author Belinda Frisch. It’s always the quiet ones you have to worry about when it comes to the scary-books.

Belinda Frisch’s fiction has appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone Horror, and Tales of Zombie War. She is an honorable mention winner in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition and the author of DEAD SPELL, CRISIS HOSPITAL, TALES FROM THE WORLD, THE WARD, AND THE BEDSIDE and CURE, the first in the Strandville Zombie Series.

With all the stuff she’s writing it makes you wonder how she has any time left to write?

Her new book is called CURE (A Strandville Zombie Novel) and I was a little dissapointed to find out it had nothing to do with Robert Smith or black lipstick, but then I started reading it and I forgot all about All These Picture of Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!

I just had a Cure moment…

Now, check this mad genius’ness’dom out:

The virus is spreading and must be contained. The center is going into lock-down. The group’s escape is threatened by a homicidal security guard and a raging storm. The town of Strandville is ground zero for the zombie apocalypse and Miranda must escape because the fate of humanity lies with her unborn child.

WTF, yes!  I had just died and gone to scary zombie-incubator-Heaven!

Focus on this book! Not the cats or the other Cure. Let it hypnotize, tantalize, let it seduce you!

So, if you dare and stuff, join me as we embark on another episode of 11 Questions of Badassary!

1.

You’ve written a lot of stuff, some of it is fancy like real world sounding stuff and there were quite a few short stories and working your way towards ‘the novel’ stuff.  Would you say that Dead Spell kinda started it all in regards to the author-road you’re on now?  What inspired you to come up with the story for Dead Spell and tell us a little bit about it?

Nothing says “Fun for the whole family!” like razor blades and blood drops.

 

Dead Spell was my “debut” novel. It was a painful first, in some respects, because the main character, Harmony, is homage to a troubled teen past that I didn’t put behind me until Dead Spell was out. The story is about two best friends who, after playing with a Ouija board, are haunted by a malevolent spirit. Harmony has a terrible home life and both she and her mother are plagued by mental illness. There’s a lot going on in her world and it’s hard for her to separate what’s real, supernatural, or imagined. Of course the story is really a putting together of pieces to find out the ghost’s identity. It’s geared toward older YA and like I said, it’s a first. That being said, people who identify with Harmony’s character have really loved it. It’s niche horror, for sure.

2.
I know more female authors that write horror than I do any other genre, which to me is completely badass, what do you think is the appeal to the scary for you?  I mean, is it a way of speaking about relevant issues in the world in an entertaining and exciting way, or are we all just a little screwed up in the head?

I’ll cop to being screwed up. There was a period in my life that was so unbelievably dark I can’t imagine a lot of people being where I was. Horror has always “thrilled” me. I watched scary movies as a kid, read scary books as a teen, and it’s still my favorite genre. I love how a good horror movie can have you running to your bed in the middle of the night afraid of what’s under it. The lingering effect is exhilarating.

Okay. Hmmmmm… I wonder what AJ Aalto’s excuse is then? Canada?

3.
Your new book is called Cure and the book description includes this little bit of happiness: “Nixon impregnates Miranda with a zombie fetus, but her imprisonment at the center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged ex-husband, releases her and the infected on the unsuspecting hospital population.”  Can you give the world any insight into what special care is involved in raising a zombie fetus into being a well-adjusted and productive member of society?

Without too much of a spoiler, the fetuses in Cure don’t make it. I’ve given a lot of thought to the latter because the sequel in progress, Afterbirth, does feature some that do and there will definitely be some tricky feeding instructions with those little suckers. Thank goodness for pointy teeth!

Is there a “Don’t Kill Mommy” Baby Einstein Video?

4.
While we’re on the subject, crack an egg of knowledge on our asses about Cure and tell us how you came up with the idea and what it’s all about?

Here’s the official blurb:

Welcome to the Nixon Healing and Research Center, refuge for the indigent sick and playground for the maniacal Dr. Howard Nixon whose cancer research has him dabbling in the undead. His human-zombie breeding program is falling apart and only Miranda Penton can save it.

Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. One year later, following her painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer to join Nixon’s security team. Her recruitment is part of Nixon’s dark plan and she quickly becomes one of his captives.

Nixon impregnates Miranda with a zombie fetus, but her imprisonment at the center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged ex-husband, releases her and the infected on the unsuspecting hospital population.

The virus is spreading and must be contained. The center is going into lock-down. The group’s escape is threatened by a homicidal security guard and a raging storm. The town of Strandville is ground zero for the zombie apocalypse and Miranda must escape because the fate of humanity lies with her unborn child.

The idea sprang from fifteen years in the medical field and a morbid curiosity about reproductive medicine. I wouldn’t have considered myself a sci-fi writer, but some are calling Cure a sci-fi/horror crossover which brings to mind the movie Splice.

Really? Cause it brings to mind this!

5.
Are zombies more fun to write than other monsters?  Do you get a lot of emails from the wolfman and draculas where they bitch, like “Why you gotta write about zombies all the time?  Why not work a wolfman into something?  Are you more of a cat person?”

I did get an email from Edward Cullen the other day. He was babbling on about me neglecting the vampire community, but he sparkles and so I hung up. If Lestat calls, I’ll consider it. Wolfman, last I’d heard, had his phone shut off for non-payment.

“Okay Belinda, but I still like watching you sleep.”

6.
What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you in real life that freaked you out more than your books freak us out?

“Scary” is individual and honestly, I have no “And then my life flashed before my eyes” stories. The scariest thing that ever happened to me was when my son and I were in a car accident and the air bag temporarily blinded him. His face was burned and swollen and there’s nothing scarier to a mother than something bed happening to her child. He healed perfectly and we’ve moved on, but I was terrified.

7.
If you had a magic book that would explain anything to you that you don’t understand, what would you have it explain?  You can’t say The Kardashians.

Explain anything? I don’t think there’s a force in the universe that could answer for the Kardashians. Or Jersey Shore. As a writer, I’d love for this magic book to explain why some books succeed when so many great ones fail.

I Google’d ‘Kim Kardashian reading a book’, but sometimes you gotta go with better treasures.

8.
With the current nature of audiences being so advanced and having seen the same tropes presented over and over again, do you feel that it’s harder to scare people nowadays?  Who does it right and who’s still doing it wrong?

I’m not one for pointing fingers because “right” and “wrong” are as subjective as what is and isn’t “scary”. We all have different thoughts and fears, but Joe Schreiber is one of my favorite horror writers. Eat the Dark also takes place in a hospital and Joe hails from a background in medicine as well. It’s no surprise that I enjoy his work.

9.
What movies scare you?  I had to turn off John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness as a kid because I was watching it in the middle of the night and I was like ‘Oh fuck this Alice Cooper shit’

The original Exorcist is one of the few movies that actually scares  me. I think modern horror movies have gone too slasher-gory to be scary. The gross-out and shock factors mixed with heaping helpings of sex ruin the scare. The Hostel series and Saw movies are the biggest offenders. I might be desensitized.

10.
Is Cure gonna be a series and is that what the whole Afterbirth project is about?  How are you gonna take the ‘Awe Hellz Nah’ to the next level?

Cure is the first in the Strandville Zombie Series. It stands-alone as an escape horror novel, but I think leads nicely into Afterbirth, its sequel. Cure is pre-apocalyptic and while I might have gone too far with it, Afterbirth will go even farther. For some reason, Cure’s unsettled some people (in a good way) with the infant experimentation.  Afterbirth takes place in post-apocalyptic Strandville where the hybrids are more important than ever to humanity’s survival. The remaining characters from Cure will be facing old enemies and new grudges and will be more desperate and cut-throat than ever with the town gone savage.

Hopefully this off-sets all the fetus-experimenting and zombie Fisher-Price we just talked about above. Weebles Wobble everybody, we’re gonna make it through the zombie apocalypse.

11.
You find yourself in a park just outside the city where you are spending the afternoon communing with nature and contemplating the green of the grass and the blue of the sky.  You consider that perhaps you have fallen into some strange mirror universe where the squirrels are plotting against mankind and you are the only person who might be able to talk some sense into them before their evil plan unfurls.  Would you use diplomacy and talk reason or is it open season on the squirrel cabal?

I’m afraid the z-poc side of me says that logic and reason doesn’t work with extremist squirrels or zombies. Hand me the shotgun and get out of the way. It’s open season.

11 Questions of Badassary would like to thank Belinda Frisch for graciously answering our questions!

Now buy it!  Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat….?

Click it!

This one will scare the crows right out’ta grandma’s weed patch too!

Click it!

Make it rain!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

Click for Time Zombie Transportation to Amazon!

11 Questions of Badassary w/ author Karen Victoria Smith

“Let’s start by saying that I have looked forward to and feared this interview for many months now. I love your first novel, Billy Purgatory and look forward to the next. But you are one tough act to follow.”  Normally I type a little intro here, but I’m definitely taking the compliment, KVS!

But all serious-like:  Karen Victoria Smith is a writer who I met via Twitter last year – I meet a lot of people on Twitter – actually, I think I’m engaged to a woman in Bulgaria because of Twitter.  I should probably look into extradition laws and stuff like that…

…anyway, KVS wrote a book called Dark Dealings, and she’s launched said book independently and that’s kinda the whole point of this interview (she’s running a contest too) – nobody comes on here of their own free will.  I kind of understand that, because even if you’re an accomplished writer-type-badass like Karen is – why would you willingly subject yourself to this insanity if you don’t have anything to promote?

Dark Dealings is a really good book – and I’m not saying that because she said Billy Purgatory was awesome (but she’s right, Billy Purgatory is kinda fucking awesome) – I’m talking it up because I was one of the first people lucky enough to read it via the tried and true beta-reading method we authors employ.  I found the book smart, fresh, fascinating, and full of paranormal goodness, yet spun in such a way that it wasn’t like all the other paranormal goodness that I, and probably you too, had been reading lately.

Plus, there’s a really hot Russian femme-fatale in it – and you know – she had me with Russian and fatale.  I am a guy though – we’re kinda easy – that’s why all those Bond-girls work with the sexually-taun-taun-tre names like Katarina Smeardmenoff.

Russian Movie Hotness Exhibit A

KVS’s bad girls are a lot smarter than that though – I guess I’m just making the general point that I’m easy.

Russian Movie Hotness Exhibit Kurylenko

I really need a Russian girlfriend any girlfriend.

Okay, maybe ANY is too strong a word…

So – without further Smeardmenoff’n, let’s start talking about fascinating Karen Victoria Smith stuff and her super-cool book of badassary, Dark Dealings in another episode of

11 Questions of Badassary!

Author Karen Victoria Smith

1.  So, you wrote a book – what can you tell us about what happens in it and stuff?

Well nice investment banker (oxymoron) chick, Micaela O’Brien, falls in with some big bad vampires and shapeshifters. She doesn’t realize what they are at first, because things like that are not supposed to exist. But they are tearing each other up, literally. No big deal, until they come after her and her some of her not so ordinary friends.  But Micaela has to recognize that she is not so ordinary herself, if she is going to kick some fanged and clawed butt.

KVS is talking about this book, Dark Dealings!

2.  There’s a lot of exotic locales in this book.  What’s doing with the historical ref’s, Celtic mythology, American Indians?

It all started when I really began researching the vampire and shapeshifter myths and realized that outside of the Judeo-Christian system, every ancient culture has its own version of each. So, that coupled with the potential for these creatures to easily blend into modern society led to a global network concept.  It also means that pretty much anywhere I ever travel can be considered a research trip and a potential tax deduction.

Hear that IRS? Anywhere – even on a BOAT!

3.  What’s the secret to writing a strong female protagonist?  What about the perfect femme fatale?  How much of you is in each of their personalities?

There is a lot of me in my female characters, both things I have said and done and things I wish I had said and done. Which ones are which are for me to know and hopefully no one to ever find out. ***wiggle eyebrows***.

Cause for every sweet Buffy…

I do think that the writer has to have a strong personality in order to write strong characters. When writer writes “what we know”, it is more the emotion than the fact. I have been told by many that I am a “handful”. On the other hand, I will say I have never met a real vampire (wouldn’t tell you if I did).

…there’s a pissed off ninja-chick who’s still mad she didn’t get that pony when she was 8.

4.  Where does your interest in magic and the paranormal come from?

I’m of Irish descent through all branches of the family, but most importantly, my paternal grandmother. She loved a good story and the scarier the better. We used to huddle on the couch and watch Lugosi and Chaney and others into the evening. She tried to introduce me to the old stories and the language of Ireland. I came back around to this in college until today. By the way, Una, Micaela’s grandmother, is based on her.

If your granny tries to tell you stories about this kinda stuff instead of bitching that now that Lawrence Welk comes on at 6pm it’s too damn late for her to stay up and watch it – pay attention!

5.  As far as popular culture goes – in your opinion what do people get wrong with these kinds of paranormal/dark tales?

Good question.  I think they get the central questions wrong. Most uninitiated readers and some writers, think it is all about violence and sex. And some of what is out there is just that.But, in good paranormal/dark urban fantasy, there has to be a theme. The classics of vampire fiction, like Bram Stoker and Anne Rice, explore deeper issues of power, life and death, or what makes a being human.

This sexy thing got it so right!

Sorry second glass of red wine and I start getting philosophical.

Really its all about sex and violence— more is better.

“B-yuuuuu-duh-pest” kinda got it wrong.

6.  When you’re writing burned out and need a break what really stupid crap do you veg out to on TV?

It varies. The only reality show I have ever watched consistently was Biggest Loser.The idea of people transforming themselves like that is fascinating. Of course the cynic in me wants to see them one year later. Otherwise: I love Harry’s Law, Grimm, Borgias, Trueblood (although cannot figure out why a bunch of vampires live in so remote a location), Game of Thrones…sorry no SoapNet.

Vampires living in the sticks has a lot to do with this hot little cheese-fry slinging firecracker.

7.  Do you have a writing process and what is it?

My process is still evolving. I am trying to be more organized upfront to save on edit cycles at the back end. But I always start with characters and a spark of a plot. I try to see how the two fit together in a bigger picture (theme. Once I have a sense of a beginning (although that changed from the original draft of Dark Dealings) a middle and an end, I let start connecting dots.

Oh and two glasses of wine and music

True Blood is finally starting to make sense to me.

8.  What’s your favorite book?  What inspires you?  Take any inspiration from art or music while writing this?

My favorite book…just one????? Well besides Billy Purgatory… Non-fiction would be Vogler’s The Writer’s Journey, based on Joseph Campbell’s examination of the myth cycle. Fiction: Little Women. Don’t look so shocked. As a young girl, I wanted to be Jo and Katherine Hepburn nailed it in the movie. Jo is a string female character who pursues her passion, howver unconventional. My music varies with what I am writing. I listen to Traditional Irish Music, metal, pop music. Kelly Clarkson’s Stronger in definitely on Micalea’s iPod. When I run, its got to push me to be faster.

Definitely on Billy Purgatory’s iPod too… (right next to Yanni)

Thanks to you, I have been listening to Type O Negative, for the darker places.

RIP Peter Steele #badass

9.  What do you think about the nature of the self-publishing world?

I think for people who have the passion to write WELL, love a challenge and don’t mind giving up what little free time they have, it is an amazing world to be in. No one knows for sure what will happen next. I started writing at a time where indie publishing was unheard of or often confused with vanity publishing. The only goal was traditional publishing through an agent. Now the world shifts almost daily. Being indie allows me to be light on my feet and respond faster to the changes.

10.  High finance is kind of a backdrop to your book – can the reader draw any metaphors from the current state of the financial world and evil monsters?

I spent a decade on Wall Street. I think whether it is politic (maybe another Micaela book), big business or Wall Street, power attracts certain types. I knew and know a lot of good and well intentioned people who work(ed) on Wall Street, and then there are the others. It is the Law of Attraction at its worst. The idea of power in all its forms and what it can do to people is fascinating and will be one of the themes in my books.

1% soap-maker.

11.  What’s next for KVS?

I’m editing a paraquel to Dark Dealings that follows several minor characters, Aine, her grand-niece Nora and Devlin, the owner of the Salmon Run Inn. It originally started out as a lame attempt at a short story, but the characters thought they deserved much more page time.  They also think they should loop back into Micaela’s arc in a much bigger way at some point in the future. We’ll see.

I’m also outlining the next Micaela book which will deal with science and medicine as a power. It is still in early stages, but the elements are starting to come together.

And in my spare time, I am doing developmental editing for other writers and running 5Ks. I’m not at all like Micaela…nope…not me.

Click to get your Kindle paranormal on!

At thirteen, Micaela O’Brien was found wandering a pasture in Ireland, the sole survivor of a mid-air explosion. Now, as a successful investment banker, she will discover that Wall Street has fangs and claws. When international power brokers, creatures hiding in plain sight, threaten her and those she loves, will this heiress to a Druid legacy deny her power and let loved ones die again? 

A thrill ride of money, monsters and murder across the globe.

Thanks Karen Victoria Smith for share-time in 11 Questions of Badassary!

Click for Time Zombie Transportation to Amazon!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Click to check out Write For The Fight!

Authors Tess Hardwick and Tracey Hansen, inspired by the myriad voices in the world, compile a melting pot of life paths from over a dozen unique individuals, each exploring the four timeless questions we’ve all pondered:

· What do you miss about being 5 years old?
· What would you tell your 20-year-old self?
· What, at this point in your life, do you want, wish and dream of for your life going forward?
· What would you want said about you on your 80th birthday?

These experiences make us who we are, defining our personalities, perspectives and dreams as we move through the seasons of life – from memories at age 5 to the person we hope to be described as on our 80th birthday. 

From the thoughtful to the blunt, experienced to the young – WRITE FOR THE FIGHT is a humorous and emotional journey that will take you back to the best of times and get you energized for the future. All writer royalties will be donated to charities benefiting the fight against breast cancer.

Walter Penko’s “The Onion Psychiatrist” [Graphic Novel]

Walter Penko produces an indie comic out of his garage in Sylvania, Illinois – it’s called The Onion Psychiatrist. Just as the title states, it’s about an onion that is also a psychiatrist.

The premise of the book is that people come in to talk about their fears, their lives, their phobias – and the onion psychiatrist sits quietly listening. Invariably, just as his patients will start to feel better about their problems, the drifting lines that Penko draws to indicate the odor of the onion psychiatrist will reach the patient’s nose and they will begin tearing up and crying uncontrollably.

The onion psychiatrist only listens, Penko never employs talk bubbles with the character. The silent dialogue from the onion psychiatrist is handled by the swirling odor-lines eminating from his spherical frame. In this way, the onion is a silent observor of life’s happenings, trapped within some self imposed solitary confinement and unable to effectively interact with those people who desperately need him the most.

His patients are shown panel by panel pouring out their souls about life’s tragic circumstances while the onion sits there, quietly, stewing in his own stench. It’s as if this stench is actually a pervading anti-noise that cuts the patients down panel per panel, until they can no longer keep their composure, and in an explosive mess of tears and Kleenex, they let it all go.

Onion Psychiatrist is a tale of life in our time.  Detached from the closeness of other humans and retreating further and further into stinky personal hells. The book employs this metaphor as its core theme – the pushing away from society until the stink of it all breaks us down and exposes the fragile souls within the armor we wear day to day. As tears are purged and emotions well to the surface we are all, inevitably, gasping for clean air.

Penko himself is one who has been gasping his entire life – reaching out, but not really knowing how or who to reach to. Comics were never his life’s ambition, and even now as a sort of cult figure in the indie comics world, he seems uneasy with the whole affair. He began Onion Psychiatrist after he was laid off from the computer manufacturing industry (The Intellivision crash of ’83).

He could only find odd jobs to sustain himself and his family (eleven cats, all named Whiskers). He began his comics career after becoming obsessed with the newspaper staple The Family Circus, but also credits Hi and Lois as a huge inspiration. Never into the idea of superheroes, he decided that if he was going to venture into the comics world he’d have to create something real and that spoke to people just like me.

Penko took the plunge, investing in materials and given the luxury of free time to work on the book after a successful appearance on the game show The Price is Right allowed him to win a Showcase Showdown. Selling off his prizes for cash (a new dishwasher, a grandfather clock, and a Chevy Cavalier), …

…he purchased art supplies and began working on what would become Onion Psychiatrist. Disheveled and walking around his house in a dirty bathrobe, he drank nothing but Sanka and obsessively chewed nicotine gum for inspiration.

His compulsions paid off eventually.

Even now with his cult status and his awards he still doesn’t feel he’s arrived. Something seems to still naw at him – as if he’s the subject of his own comic. The book, he admits, has been cathartic for him.  He ventures out more, joining a square dancing class recently as well as participating in war re-enactments of the US occupation of Grenada.

“I guess…” as he ends our talk through his locked screen door, “I guess I just haven’t smelt that stank yet – that stinked.  You know? I guess I ain’t got a good enough snitched of my own stink, that which comes from my own onion. It ain’t made them teardrops flow.”

As the front door proper closed, I heard the rhythmn of many locks snapping into place and I left there feeling I had learned something about the human condition. I hummed a tune, as I lazily made my way to the next house on the block, still trying to give away all those copies of Watchtower that weighed me down so – but with a little more spring in my step.

* * * * *

I am not the genius that Walter Penko is, and I have never written a comic about Sanka or Onions, but…

Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixes cars and even goes to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

Click for Time Zombie Transportation to Amazon!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

11 Questions of Badassary w/ Everett Maroon!

Everett Maroon is a memoirist, pop culture commentator, and speculative fiction writer. He has a B.A. in English from Syracuse University and went through an English literature master’s program there. He is a member of the Pacific Northwest Writer’s Association; Bumbling into Body Hair was a finalist in their 2010 literary contest for memoir. Everett writes about writing and living in the Northwest at trans/plant/portation. He has written for Bitch Magazine, GayYA.org, I Fry Mine in Butter, a blog about popular culture, RH RealityCheck, and Remedy Quarterly. He will be writing for Original Plumbing in 2012 on popular culture and trans civil rights. He has had short stories published by SPLIT Quarterly and Twisted Dreams Magazine.

He has faced many challenges in his life – and bested them all!  Yet now, another awaiteths!  Welcome to 11 Questions of Badassary, Mr. Maroon!

1.  So, you wrote a book and it has to do with you bumping into stuff?

Now that you put it that way, I’m wondering if it shouldn’t have been titled “Bungling into Body Hair.” But sure, I bump into stuff in the book, most notably a bench in a mall.

They wait quietly in the malls, plotting our downfall.

Oh, because the title made me think that you bumped into stuff. Bumping into Body Hair, right?

What? Burping into body hair? That’s not the title. I mean, you could make a case for that, but mostly I just burp into the air. Kind of like a smoke ring, but with stink.

This chick is about to start a chain reaction which is sure to cause many runway models to start bumbling into some body hair.

Really? Because I didn’t get that at all from reading your book.

You must have missed that paragraph.

2. You say in your official bio that you write ‘speculative fiction’. I had to ask KSears what that meant and she said something about how I’m not supposed to be talking to you and that it meant science-fictional kinda stuff – like stuff that doesn’t exist. So you’re a fan of that stuff?  Me too! (bet you had no idea from how many times I mention how I never got laid in high school and played lots of Dungeons & Dragons). Can you extra-pointicate some about what sorts of fantastical type stories you dig?

Speculative fiction just means that I’m like a day trader speculating on what I should write someday. And I don’t know what D&D group you were hanging with in high school because all the role playing folks I knew were some of the most active daters there. But okay, yes, I write about near-realistic situations and more “magical realism” setups, mostly as metaphors or satirical statements on contemporary culture. I’ve definitely read my share of sci fi pulp and classic sci fi, and I know who Gillian Boardman is.

"Did I not just say "Don't bother Ev Maroon"?

What sort of stuff can you tease a brother with regarding some of the fictatious stories you’ve written in the genre realm?

I’ve got a short story on loss over at http://splitquarterly.com/2011/underwater/ and one on regret at http://amwriting.org/archives/9331 . But I am working on selling some funnier spec fic. I’ve got a story about a color-changing alien lost in a drunken street party. It’s a hoot.

3. You know, body hair is in the title of your book – when you go get a haircut is it from one of those general barber type dudes, the ones that wear those cool-assed shirts, or do you hit the saloon?

I get my hair cut by a Korean woman named Sung, who is nice enough not to nick me when I start making jokes about past participles. And I have hit a saloon before, if fake saloons at Disney World count.

Nah, I think it’s Saloon… You’ve never gotten your hair cut in a bar?

So far I’ve only cut a rug in a bar. My god, I’m sorry, that was terrible.

Do Russians make the best barbers? Cause I used to go to this place in LA and these Russian dudes drank vodka while they were cutting my hair. They’d always have Russian TV on and Russian TV is a lot like Telemundo in that everything from news to laxative commercials involves hot chicks. I don’t guess that’s a question…

All I can say here is that the Korean television I’ve seen at Sung’s barbershop is pretty much the same way, but with a lot of really bright writing on the screen.

At those fancy ‘salons’ are you supposed to tip the girl that washes your hair? Cause I’m not really sure…

Yes, you tip them $2 for washing your hair. It’s like valet parking, but soapier.

4. You live in the Pacific NW where you’re raising a family. Doesn’t it concern you living in a place like that when there are Yetis all over the place up there?

I’m pretty sure I scare any proximate Yetis away when I’m out in nature. But I’m a big believer in bear bells, so maybe that’s it.

Standing waist high in snow what brought me here I do not know!

Have you ever been Yeti hunting, cause I’ve been organizing like a Yeti Safari and I’m thinking you should probably go with us. I think you’d be a badass on a Yeti Hunt, especially with an elephant gun.

Scale model of my proposed Yeti Safari. Yes, I am training lions, tigers, and Kim Cattrall to hunt Yetis.

Unfortunately I’ve only been trained in going on turkey shoots, in which you wear whatever “hunting” gear you may have around the house–for me it was a pair of cargos from Old Navy, a hooded sweatshirt, and some fingerless gloves my sister’s friend knit that itched like a social disease. And then you lie on the ground before sunrise in wait for the turkeys and then shoot them when they wander by, or rather if. If they wander by. So if hunting Yeti is anything like that, I’m your man.

I'm so sick of not being able to go anywhere on the internet without seeing the cast of The Hunger Games.

Do you think that Witches VS Robots is a cool idea for a book?

If not a book, certainly an app. Have you seen the bank that Zombies vs. Plants is making?

"Ev, please don't encourage him. Jesse, where are my cupcakes, bitch?"

5. Your book manager is Christi Price, were you aware that her nickname is #dancedancedancemachine? Who do you think would win in a dance-off between you and Christi? I’m not gonna throw my name into that contest because, for a large man, I’m a surprisingly good dancer.

Let’s see, I failed a ballroom dancing class and I blew out my ACL dancing to “Billie Jean” at my own wedding reception. So I’ll just forfeit, okay? A person’s gotta know their limits.

Oh, this reminds me – what kinda music do you listen to?

I have a ridiculously wide-ranging set of music; everything from Nina Simone to Zero 7, Tom Waits to Amie Mann, strange ducks like Harvey Danger and “classic” 80s crap that reminds me of Jersey. About the only stuff I don’t have on rotation is death metal and Christian contemporary. Anything else is fair game.

Sorry, Stryper!

Do you listen to music when you write?

Like 95 percent of the time, yes. But I tend to revise without music, now that I think of it.

Keep quiet, Don McLean, Everett Maroon is revising.

6. Was it tough to write such a personal story? I totally respect the fact that you did, because putting yourself out there like that is not something that most of us could do.

Writing about leaving my job and finding homes for my cats were the hardest parts to actually write. But so much of the memoir was funny enough to me that writing it really felt great. It’s sometimes awkward when a stranger asks me what the title of my book is or what it’s about, but the actual writing and putting the book out there has never made me blush. It’s like I’m leaving something behind and I don’t have to be there when people go through all of the details, if that makes any sense.

What do you hope that people take away from your book and apply to their own lives?

Brother, if I can figure out how to have a sex change, you can get past your own self-doubt. We can all find our ways through the difficult crap and move on to something better. Seriously, I say this to myself on a weekly basis–”this isn’t as hard as a sex change, so shut the hell up!” And then people notice I’m arguing with myself, and they step away.

Did it take a long time nailing down how you were going to tell the story – because telling it with humor and making it your own thing isn’t something you see very often in such a personal memoir?

I’d written about enough of these events in email and in journals that I could sit down and come up with a timeline for everything, and then it was a matter of filling in the details to each scene. That’s when the humor of the whole process really started taking shape. So much about gender in general is hilarious. And then to switch from one way of identifying to another? There’s endless material there for humorists.

7. What’s your favorite thing about being just one of the guys? For me, it’s doing math in my boxers, my automatic weapons of the former Soviet Block trading card collection club meetings, and playing Words with Friends against Vegas Showgirls. You’re more of a family man kinda guy though – so you probably aren’t into any of that stuff – well, maybe the math in your boxers part?

You know, guy stuff.

How did you know I wear boxers? Have you been spying on me? I will say I do enjoy my much improved upper body strength. Raking leaves is totally easier, not that I’m a big fan of raking leaves. Nearly every time I do it I get some kind of sinus infection, so then I raked leaves once with a surgical mask on, and my neighbors got nervous. But good thing I can get 5 cubic feet of leaves in one rake, because the loss of neighborly affection would suck even more if it was a slower process. That doesn’t really answer your question. I guess I like screwing around with stupid facial hair designs. Nothing really out there like waxes moustaches or anything, just goatee, no goatee.

8. You’ve got a snazzy English degree and have been a contributing writer to some pretty important scholarly type publications. Through writing and advocacy you’ve done more than your share of speaking out for the GLBT community, especially when it comes to transgender issues. What is something that everyone can do, especially guys like me who flunked out of junior college, to help others and make the world a more tolerant place?

Ah, the $64,000 question! Support trans writers and artists by buying their work. Be open about voting for civil rights initiatives. Respond with “Congratulations!” when someone tells you they’re going to transition. Write an op-ed to your local paper talking about tolerance and acceptance. Host a fantastic queer-friendly D&D group. Go to a gay film festival near you. Laugh at the expectations people place on you regarding your gender.

9. “Originally from Hightstown, NJ” so says your bio – so tell us, did you ever Jersey Turnpike-it at the club?

Exit 8, Represent! I actually didn’t club in Jersey, since I was still underage. It was poor Syracuse, New York that bore the brunt of my riotous party days.

10. Bumbling into Body Hair is getting great reviews, it’s probably going to sell more copies than that book that that chick wrote about those Wizards with those Warts at that BBQ’d Hog place. You know what happens when books sell tons of copies and get great reviews?  They make movies about them. Don’t believe me, they’re making Milton Bradley’s Battleship – anyway, let’s not get off topic – you ready for that kinda fame, my good man?

The fact that Hollywood is so devoid of ideas that they're making a board game into a movie is not at all impressive - what is impressive is that Daniel Day-Lewis has been in character as the 2nd Red Peg from the left since last summer.

If Bumbling hits bestseller status I will hire a doppelganger to represent me at parties in NYC and West Hollywood. All I need is a 6-foot-tall safe to house it in, like Dick Cheney used to have in his Vice President’s office.

Who do you think could pull off playing you in a movie?

Well, it won’t be Adam Sandler, because his movie Jack and Jill sucked ass. Maybe Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal, because the LA versions of real people are always more attractive. But Jake has weasel eyes…I can’t have anyone with narrow eyes playing me. Could George Lucas weigh in on the technologies needed to “transition” someone in a movie? I really don’t see any good options out there. I bet I get someone like Jonah Hill.

WTF? They're two different people? Well, I'll be damned.

Would you let Vangelis do the soundtrack – because that’s what was playing in my head while I was reading. Fucking Vangelis!

"Calm your fears, Everett Maroon, Vangelis is making sweet electronic love to your words."

It’s a sex change process, not a marathon on the beach! I hear the Propellerheads, mostly. For this book, not in my general waking life.

11. What in the ‘Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego’ is next for author and badass, Ev Maroon?

I’m trying to find an agent for a time travel YA novel about a boy who winds up stuck in Prohibition-era Kentucky, in a girl’s body. It’s gone the distance a couple of times, but so far, no offers of representation. And my current work-in-progress is about teens in an alternate universe who are in school to learn how to manage their abilities to transform into different lifeforms, many of which are cribbed from D&D. Take that, Gary Gygax and J.K. Rowling.

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Thank you, Everett Maroon for answering 11 Questions of Badassary!

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Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.