Billy Purgatory has traveled the world once again – seems like he always goes to sunny Orlando though. He is a daredevil badass – so it makes sense that Space Mountain would be right up his alley. I really don’t see him taking any advice from Jiminy Cricket, but they have fireworks every night and he does enjoy watching stuff blow up.
However, I’m not ruling out that Billy would take advice from Rickety Cricket.
Stephanie Fuller is the Book Hipster – like officially – she has a blog and everything. She and her husband, Matt, surprised their daughter Jillian by planning a trip to the Magic Kingdom and only sprung it on her days before the trip (more about that later – NOW with more Youtube video). Stephanie had just won an awesome tote-bag fulla Booktrope books in a contest given by lady-tiger author Gale Martin(if you haven’t read Don Juan in Hankey, PA or Grace Unexpected then you’re seriously missing out).
Does it say “Advanced Virgin” on that laptop screen?
So Stephanie took some books with her on vacation too.
I felt we could all use a vacation update – and so here is Book Hipster Stephanie Fuller with the rundown of travel badassary!
1.
So, how was Disney World? Did you wish upon any stars? Did they give you plenty of soap in the hotel room?
—Disney World was hot, sweaty, gross, rainy, humid…it was AWESOME!!! Seriously though…too hot…too humid…too rainy…I was a hot, sweaty mess the whole time. *shakes head* It was not pretty!
This is way pretty.
—I DID wish upon a star! I’m not telling you what I wished for cause it could still come true. Really, it could…right?!?!?!?! *bats eyelashes*
One badass welcoming another. Like Kings do on Game of Thrones!
—Soap…yes…towels…yes...coffee…yes…charging stations…no! Hey, Disney…get on that! My poor cell phone was usually dead by 5pm because I would find myself Twittering or Facebooking while I was in line waiting for rides. Wonder who I was talking to most of that time…hmmmmm…*looks around*
Stare at awesome while you figure out how to un-knot all those towels.
Did you get anything cool put on the back of a mouse-ears hat? The smiling vendors on Main Street in Magic Kingdom said it was against policy to print: “#Guns, Hookers, Fire Trucks” on mine. It was a complete buzzkill – and I think it might have violated my bill or constitutional or whatever that’s called.
Don’t tread on me and piss off jetpack-kite riding Wolverine-claws Ben Franklin fighting Zeus, yo!
—You know what? I completely didn’t even think to get myself a set of ears!!!! I looked at them every time we saw them, because, why the heck not, right? They are cute and it is DISNEY WORLD!!! I was mostly looking for the kidlet because we were getting her a pair with her name on them (by the way, she decided to get “Cheshire cat” ears with her name on the butt under the tail…ha ha ha!!!). I really should have gotten a pair of traditional black ones with my name on the back…or something cooler like my new self-given nickname “The Book Hipster”. Of course, what would I do with them? It isn’t like I can just wear them to the grocery store, or out to dinner on a date night…or can I?
Mickey Mouse is real!?!
Your daughter, Jillian, will probably become one-day internet-famous for her Youtube video of when you broke the surprise that you were taking her to Disney – and her sort of blah reaction to it all. Did she ever get excited about the whole thing and sort of Tosh.0 web-redeem herself.
—Good Lord…that video!!! I mean, I wasn’t expecting cartwheels or mass hysterical screaming and jumping up and down…sheesh! SOMETHING would have been nice!!! Actually she was excited about going, and while there is no Tosh.O web-redeeming video out there, she talked and talked and talked about the trip beforehand once she realized we really were going there. The lack of excitement in the video is because I told her there was a “gift” we were giving her to announce where we were going on vacation. She automatically figured we bought her a toy…not a shirt. :-\ For the record, she didn’t get a shirt on vacation either. I wanted a couple shirts we saw for her, but none of them were in my size. 
I think this video will be shown to all her future suitors…I’m so evil!
She totally changed her mind on the plane. They start tossing books and packages of peanuts at you then you’re suddenly down for whatever.
Who gave you the strangest look when you pulled out your copy of Billy Purgatory to have you picture snapped with it at Disney World? Mickey Mouse seemed pretty cool with it…
Stephanie and Mickey – present timeline.
…but Belle from Beauty and the Beast seemed to freak a little – like it was a copy of Dianetics.
It’s a book, lady. I thought you lived in olden times before Kindle.
That’s more like it. Now you’re eligible for your SAG card.
Did you ever run into Princess Jasmine? – cause she’s way into me and she’d have been down.
Dear Disney, I love you – I saw the Avengers 8 times. Please don’t sue me. All I have is a moonshine still and my Lion King collectible Hardees glasses.
—Um…I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention to others if I was trying to take a fun picture of Billy Purgatory. The first time I asked to get it taken with a character (Mickey was the 1st!), I felt weird asking, but he seemed ok with it. I didn’t want to be in the pictures too, but my husband wouldn’t take the pictures for me on his phone(my phone was DEAD at that point, I think…or maybe close to it) without me being in the picture, so I got to hang out with Billy every time. *giggle* Belle actually was excited about the book! She is the ULTIMATE bookworm and asked me what the book was about. The shocked face she gave was because I told her the book was about “Zombies, Vampires, Devil Birds, and a kick ass skateboarder”. I don’t think it was something she was expecting…ha! A couple of the Disney workers (non-character) at the Princess exhibit were asking me all sorts of questions about the book and the author and how I knew him and one even wrote down the name of the book. Had it been our last day there, I would have given her my copy figuring, I kind of know the author and could get another. 
Oh, and we didn’t get to meet Jasmine. I saw her from a distance, but didn’t get close enough. Sorry.
Cinderella digs motorcycles on fire.
What was the most fun ride? What’s up with nobody wanting to ride the Tower of Terror? That thing is boss!
—The most fun ride? Um…well…it is kind of a tie between an actual ride and a non-ride ride…did you catch that? Ride…The Tea Cups! Duh! We rode it two times and spun our little hearts out as a family laughing and squealing in delight. Yes, I squealed in delight, ok? What of it? Non-ride ride…Mickey’s PhilharMagic!
She’s right – this was a pretty awesome 3D movie!
It is a “3D, you sit in a theater and watch a movie” ride. We did this one twice too, although, I could have done it a million and one times and never gotten sick of it…ever! That is cause I love music…and Disney music on top of that is just the cherry on the banana split! I love me some Disney music! That probably hurts my “tough girl” rep, huh? Oh well…
Much badassary is contained within!
—Stop pestering me about that Tower of Terror ride already!!! I haven’t been on a true coaster in 4-ish years. The last time I was, I almost got sick (thank you Six Flags!)…this one looked so scary to me there was no way I was going on it alone. My husband doesn’t do coasters…at all. Getting him on a couple rides at Disney was a surprise to me and I’m so proud of him! Anyway, um, the day before, the kidlet kept saying she wanted to go on the Tower of Terror, but I had to go too. Fine. I’ll do it…for my baby girl. If I die on it, at least she’ll be happy, right? Well, as we were driving towards Hollywood Studios we pointed out the building to her. She immediately changed her mind…ha!!! I’ll go on it…maybe…just not by myself…so, when are you taking me to Disney? 
“It’s a Small World, Billy Purgatory” coming this Fall on the CW.
This is like one of those pictures where there’s a sailboat hidden in it – you have to squint real hard to notice anything but Amy Pond.
—Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A million and one times…yes! 
Did you see anyone else promoting books while you were there? I heard that Anne Rice hangs out in front of the Teacups sometimes and tries to talk to people about vampires. I also heard that the 50 Shades of Grey lady wrote all that book on the back of cocktail napkins riding the Lime-Green Monorail around in circles.
—I think I was the only weirdo, er, I mean completely normal person there promoting a book. If there was anyone else, they were staying off my turf that day! Smart people! We were at the teacups both Wednesday and Thursday and I didn’t see that Rice woman. She better watch it…Lestat isn’t going to save her there! As for the 50 Shades of Grey lady…I’d probably smack her inner goddess upside the head for saying “inner goddess” too many times in her book!
Now that you’re back to Chicago and off vacation, are you already making plans about where you’d like to take Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five? I’d like to see him go to maybe the Grand Canyon, or that park where people see bears and that volcano shoots steam into the air, or maybe a Shriner’s convention.
—Oh no! I set a precedent, didn’t I? Ok, well…um…are you paying for this trip? Cause then, I’d like to take him to Paris. If not, I’m not sure. I’m not really planning trips any time soon. If there was a Con or something soon that I was planning on attending, I’d totally take him there! I’d take him to work with me, but I’m sure he’d cause all sorts of mischief. Maybe you should talk to Steven Luna about the Grand Canyon…
Nobody’s letting Luna anywhere near the Grand Canyon.
Do you have any advice for all the moms and dads out there who are planning a trip to Disney? What should they expect, what kinda secrets did you learn?
—Gorsh *said in best Goofy voice*…there is so much that I can think of right now, but first and foremost…DO NOT GO IN JUNE, JULY OR AUGUST!!! Ha ha ha!!! I’m only kind of kidding…It was way too warm and Jillian whined almost the whole time that she was too hot. It was very grating on my patience as I was also so stinking hot and gross feeling.
On his way to the Little Finger Dance Party.
—Pack ponchos! It rained 3 of the 4 nights we were there. The first night, we got soaked to the tips of our toes. The 2nd day, we were able to get the ponchos on asap and not get hit too badly.
Fullers meeting Donald Duck!
—Take advantage of the “FAST PASS”. Some of those rides have more than an hour wait…if you can fast pass it, your wait could be a lot less!
—Meal plans! If you are doing a package, make sure you do a meal plan. It will save you a ton of money! Also, if you are looking to go, but want to save some cash, DON’T do the expensive resorts! We stayed at the All-Star Movies Resort and while it wasn’t much more than a glorified Holiday Inn, it was all we needed as we barely spent time in our room outside of sleeping and showering. Promise!
Disney World will style out you in the lap of luxury, oh lover of the life of leisure!
—Finally a plug for a friend—if you don’t know where to begin when planning your own Disney vacation…email my friend Treena( treena@mousecounselors.com )she is what you call a “Mouse Counselor” and will help you plan your Disney vacation at no charge! She helped us, even though we were about 90% done with our own planning…but she can help you in so many ways (even if it is just other tips and schedules!) to make your trip go smoother…trust me!!! Well worth talking to her!
The Walt Disney World resort offers fancy dining and comfortable chairs (notice the plugs, Disney – again – don’t sue me).
Stephanie Fuller at 14, before being snatched up by the Time Zombie and transported to present day. Yes, she is wearing neon socks.
Do you think this trip would have been more awesome if you’d have had Billy Purgatory to take with you back then? Or was the 80′s hair so awesome that you didn’t need to walk around with a cool book?
—Oh no…the picture! I don’t know why I ever posted that thing…ha ha ha!!! Ah, 14 year old me…I hate to tell you this, but…um…that wasn’t the 80′s. It was 1994. Feel old, now? Sorry. *blows kiss* Also…my hair was not THAT big!!! Back on track…um…I would not have been brave enough back then to try and get pictures taken with Billy Purgatory and Mickey (or in front of rides, castles, etc). I remember being super shy about just asking for that specific picture. However, I would have been a fan of the book if it had been out then. At that point I had already been reading Stephen King stuff for a couple years, so I was all about strange and unusual books.
So many amazing things to do and see – sometimes it’s so much fun it becomes overwhelming and you have to chill on a bench and get your drink on. Disney gives you those cups – that’s the kinda awesome company they are (are you listening Disney – no lawsuits).
Did Billy Purgatory cause any trouble in the airport TSA line? He usually sets the badassary-scanners off?
—No, he was behaved. Probably worn out like the rest of us. And his travel companion, Jillian, wasn’t feeling well on the way home, and due to her…um…issues, we were given special privileges in passing through the line quicker. So, he got to skip the huge line with us and run through the scanners/metal detectors. Bonus!
The Fullers are awesome!
Thanks to Stephanie, Matt, and Jillian for being so awesome. I’m digging they had a rockin’ and well deserved vacation with The Mouse!
Tweet Stephanie, it’s fun. Ask her about pizza!
@ImaFuller
The following is a list of people and/or companies that should not under any circumstances sue me: Disney, Princess Jasmine, The CW Network, whatever Airline that was, Anne Rice, the cast of Twilight, the Fifty Shades of Grey lady (loved your book), 50 Cent, the Fraternal Order of Moonshiners, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia & FX, Amy Pond, Benjamin Franklin, Zeus, Coca-Cola, whoever made that chair at the Polynesian, and Steven Luna.
FYI Disney, the film rights to Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird are available. There’s a sequel coming out and I’m smelling franchise money. I live mostly off letting big Pharm test new drugs on me – so we could do this deal cheap.
Speaking of Steven Luna… *CLICK!*
This book is amazing too… *Click!*
…and it’s no secret that I love Gale Martin *click!!!*
…oh, and Amazon shouldn’t sue me either. Cause that would suck.
Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.
Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.
Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixing cars and even going to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…
Billy Purgatory Book 2 is coming soon! So, read this one and be ready – because I can’t call everyone on the phone and explain to them what they missed. Or, I guess I could…
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
Just cause it’s been awhile.
