11 Questions of Badassary w/Stephanie Fuller : Billy Purgatory Bets He’s Tastier Than Free Pizza & Wins!

This week America has once again shown it is all about celebrating freedom + there was getting drunk, and setting off tons of fireworks, and my Uncle Jebediah got incarcerated again for running an illegal chupacabra smuggling operation.  In his defense, there’s not really a legal one.  Until such time as calmer heads prevail in Washington I’m sure he’ll remain a chronic recidivist, or in his words, “A political prisoner due to the oppressive forces of the Illuminati and the soft-serve yogurt industry.”

You loose your job at Dairy Queen and start smuggling chupacabras to try and support three ex-wives it tends to put you at ideological odds with the principals our country was founded upon – and the inherent need for processed yogurt with crushed up Jolly Ranchers sprinkled atop it.

I guess my point is that a person’s word should be their bond.  A bet’s a bet.

Stephanie Fuller has become a friend of mine over the past few weeks due to…  Well, I’ll let her tell the strange circumstances as she answers

11 Questions of Badassary!  The Reaching Out To Readers Edition!

Stephanie Fuller aka @ImaFuller aka Pop-Culture Goddess aka She Read My Book So She’s Fucking Awesome!

1.
You describe yourself on Twitter as follows: Married, Mom, and Geek at heart. I’m into books, TV, movies and crafty things (crochet and scrapbook/card making). That is me in a nutshell. I’m pretty cool.

Please rattle off some of your geek credentials in the field of books, TV, and movies. We’ll save the crocheting and scrapbooking so you’ll have questions to answer when Martha Stewart’s blog comes a’callin’

-Wait…you’re NOT Martha Stewart???? No, ok…um…I feel so put on the spot…gah! Well, movies and TV…I’ll watch pretty much anything. If it sounds interesting, I’m game. If I have the time. Geeky stuff? I’ve watched all the Star Trek movies…and pretty much all the TV episodes. Also all the Star Wars movies (yes, all 6…Ewan McGregor is in 3 of those…hot damn!). I’ve watched many of the “super hero” movies…Batman, Superman, Spider-man, Iron Man (I apparently like to watch the men…he he he) and went to the theater for the latest Avenger movie. 

There was an ass-kicking woman in the Avenger’s too you know? Oh right, you were staring at Loki.

I like lots of pop culture movies and tv too. I rattle off random quotes from movies/tv too. Is that geeky? Oh and I LOVE Doctor Who!!! And Sherlock, both the BBC series and the Robert Downey Jr movies. 

Guy in the back in the blue shirt, “I can’t believe I’m getting paid right now to lean against this railing and stare at Black Widow in a rubber outfit.” Try to come up with a better caption than mine and I’ll send you a free Kindle copy of Billy Purgatory if you make me laugh! Put it in the comments below.

And Merlin (another BBC show!) Books…um…well, I don’t think I’m very geeky there. Most of the stuff I read are recommendations from friends or the occasional one that I saw on The Colbert Report. If I don’t like a book, I will not finish it. That is why I base my choices on recommendations. I read everything from John Grisham, Stephen King to um…well, a certain book w/a certain number of shades. Yes…I read it!!! Did that answer your question?

2.
Can you describe how we met on Twitter, and the wager, of Game of Thrones epicosity, that was constructed between you and I?

-Well. I met you as a “friend of a friend of a friend” on Twitter. Basically, a certain person *cough*StevenLuna*cough* is always throwing books my way to read. 

Surprisingly before now, I hadn’t picked Billy Purgatory up. Probably because it didn’t seem like something I’d like even though I have no idea why I thought that. Anyway…so, he brings you into the conversation. Words are exchanged and you end up promising me that if I buy your book and I DON’T like it, you’ll give me my dollar back. I really was kidding around with you, but then…THEN…you said that if I DIDN’T like Billy Purgatory, you’d buy me a PIZZA! I bought it right then and there!

3.
So you bought Billy Purgatory, and yet, you had Teriyaki Chicken for lunch the next day according to your Twitter feed. Were you trying to trick me, and in essence, the internet with your bold, yet confusing, choices?

-For the record, it wasn’t the next day. I bought the book on Tuesday (June 26th). The Teriyaki Chicken (and fried rice) was Wednesday (July 4th). I don’t play by the rules, so you’ll never understand my choices in food and what they really mean. Mwhahahaha! That Teriyaki Chicken was amazing though. *drool*

Oh, sorry I was off by a few days. Now tell me, what did I have for lunch yesterday? Cause I’m guessing you might have sources to clue you in.

4.
Do you think that people should still handle our differences by challenging one another to duels?

-That would be so awesome. Just not with real guns/bullets. Cause then people would be dueling over stupid shit like “She said my ass looked fat in this dress!”. Or “Hey, that was my parking spot, didn’t you see my turn signal from two isles over???” And then they’d be dead. Maybe water guns instead??? You aren’t planning on challenging me to a duel are you? If so, I change my answer. I’m too chicken for a duel.

If we start dueling again, I vote for the Sanjuro-stand-off!

5.
This is your “I’m a mom” question: Waterparks. WTF?

- As a child that didn’t have a pool growing up, the rare visit to the water park was the coolest thing ever!!! As a mom…I see it as a cesspool of germs, annoying people you don’t know, nor want to know and panic attacks when your child isn’t immediately within sight. Also, I hate being in public wearing a swimsuit.

Even creepier when they’re abandoned and all the kids have grown up and become restless and haunted young adults IE characters in a Marni Mann book.

6.
At one point, we were neck and neck in our battle for free pizza. Do you think you showed your hand too soon by revealing online that your ringtone is the Dr. Who Theme?

-Nah. If you go to my Twitter homepage, my wallpaper is covered in the TARDIS. Go check…I’ll wait. *whistles* It was never a secret that I love myself a Time Lord. Also, It is Doctor Who…not Dr. Who. 

7.
Are you ready to publically make peace with Amy Pond? Or, can you just not let it go?

-No. Never give up…never Surrender!

I don’t know what Amy Pond did that was so bad – but I’d sure as hell forgive her!

8.
Are you geeky enough to have ever gone to a “con”? And if you did/have attended a con did you dress up like a comic book character, a Star Trek character, or are you one of those ‘Magik The Gathering’ kinda gals?

-I did go to a “con” just a few months ago…my very first one! I live in a Chicago burb, so the whole family (husband, kidlet and I) went to C2E2 in Chicago. I got to meet Val Kilmer

Atari-Era Val.

and John Barrowman (Jack Harkness from Doctor Who/Torchwood) as well as a quick “Hi” with a couple cool Twitter friends I hadn’t met before. 

Wait! Lazlo wasn’t there?!?

I did not dress up for C2E2. It was kind of last minute, so I didn’t even have a way to throw something together as I am lacking in the geeky clothing department. I have no idea what I’d even go dressed as…probably something Doctor Who. Any ideas for next year? I’m a girl, so it will probably have to have the word “Sexy” in the beginning, right?

Don’t even roll your eyes, y’all knew I was gonna post some shit like this.

9.
As you read Billy Purgatory, what was the tipping point for you when you realized that you weren’t gonna get free pizza delivered to your house?

-Honestly, I never planned on getting the free pizza. As hilarious of a story that would be for my future grandkids to hear, I went in fully expecting to like and/or love Billy Purgatory. My friend *cough*StevenLuna*cough* has never steered me wrong yet w/a recommendation, and I was sure this wasn’t going to be the exception. However…there was one line that got to me hook, line and sinker and I knew this was going to be the end of my free pizza no matter how much I joked about it. Chapter 17, part 2. The whole part that I LOVE is 2 paragraphs starting with “The best times are the uncertain ones and the spontaneous ones.” The first line of the 2nd paragraph “Time is what always ruins no matter what.” Holy fucking shit, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut and had the wind knocked out of me. It made me start crying. Seriously. I’m not going to tell you why, but believe me…it resonated with me and still does. And it still makes me want to go cry. Make me feel feelings. Jerk.

Art by Thomas Boatwright

10.
What kinda geeky stuff would you like to see more of in entertainment? What would you like to see a lot less of?

-More Benedict Cumberbatch!!! Although, I don’t know if Benedict Cumberbatch qualifies as geeky, does he? I mean…he IS BBC’s Sherlock…and will be in the new Star Trek movie. Yeah, I think that will work…more Cumberbatch!!! 

She means this dude.

Less??? Um…well…it isn’t geeky, but less Kardashians and Reality TV!!!

Now she’s talking about this.

11.
What kind of pizza would you have ordered? Better make it a good one, cause I wasn’t springing for cheesy-bread or wings or any of that stuff. You could have had all the packets of grated cheese you wanted though – that shit’s free!

-There are so many options out there. Good ones, ok ones, terrible ones…and I live near Chicago, so Deep Dish or Stuffed is always amazing! But, I have my guilty pleasure pizza…Jets! 

Was this meant to taunt me?

That stuff is so freaking greasy…and so yummy! *drool* It has to be square though. Not that round shit! With the crispy corner pieces. And I don’t even need a lot of fancy toppings…just simple pepperoni (hell throw in mushrooms too) are good enough for me. 

To wash the Kardashian out of your eye-sockets!

Ok…now I know what I want for dinner tomorrow or maybe this weekend. Wait…I think I’ve changed my mind about Billy!

* * * * *

Thanks Stephanie, you’re badass!

Stephanie is a great sport for agreeing to do all this and letting me interview her.

This is the review that Stephanie wrote up for Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird:

“Billy Purgatory: I Am the Devil Bird” in one word…BADASS. You can’t see it, but both my hands are throwing up devil horns right now. It feels appropriate to do it with that word. I’m sorry…what? A one word review isn’t enough for you? Alright…fine.

This book combines all sorts of crazy and off the wall stuff all in one book. We’ve got vampires (no sparkles), zombies (not the walking kind), mythological peeps (think snakes) and one ring (er…boy) to rule them all.

Billy Purgatory isn’t your everyday kid. Not even close. Armed with his skateboard and badass (see, told you it was a great word to use to describe this book!) attitude, we start the book out with Billy’s memory as a 10 year old kid. And he meets a girl. *sigh* And just like Billy, she is nowhere near normal. And this will not be the first time they meet. *sigh*

Along the way, we learn more about Billy. The story is about him, after all. Time gets all wibbly-wobbly for me while reading this, as the author (Jesse James Freeman) has left a lot of age/place type information for your own minds to decide. I’m not complaining, though. It works. I’m just weird like that. During Billy’s life, he meets a few other people who are important to his journey. I’d go more into detail, but then you wouldn’t read it, would you?

Mr. Freemen is absolutely amazing at describing, well, everything. Amazing! So many times I felt like I was right there along with Billy. Like I could smell the zombie…hear the rain…this man is good. Real good. I found myself gasping a few times. And…he even made me cry once…or twice. Maybe. Also, he gives you the single most badass birth scene you’ll ever encounter..think “Kill Bill”…no joke!

My favorite books are the ones that keeps me up late reading, multiple nights in a row, until my eyes cannot stay open any more, trying to push through “one more chapter”. LOVE! So…if you haven’t figured it out yet…go read this book. Now. Do not pass go. Do not collect free pizza. Enjoy the badassery! Me? Now I have to wait for Billy to return…

Time Zombie says CLICK the picture!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

I am the Interstellar-Bodhisattva + Billy Purgatory still FREE

Friends (and the nine other people who read this blog), my adventures across the galaxy with the would-be invading Mozrian Saucer Attack Armada have ended.  I have been returned to you after achieving enlightenment (not so much in the wearing robes all day and chanting/eating rice sense, but more like the wow I can’t believe I drank that much and hangovers are so much worse in zero-G sense).

Japanese Zen master Sesso warned, “There is little to choose between a man lying in the ditch heavily drunk on rice liquor, and a man heavily drunk on his own ‘enlightenment’!”

The Saucer-People were forced to bring me back, even though there were many badass things I had yet to teach their space-culture, due to an unfortunate incident on Venus (or as they call it, Las Venus) involving an alien showgirl (before you ask, she did kinda look like Gina Gershon) and the Earth/Solar System at Large Annulment Treaty (which was enacted in secret during the Clinton administration).

The one on the left ('cause I've never been THAT drunk)

So, I’m technically banned from space and have to wear an ankle-monitor which starts blinking like a Mean Girl at the cocaine-jewelry store if I happen to get too high (no, not that kind of high – like on a rocket ship high).  I’m shrugging off the bad stuff and rolling with the punches, because I guess it was time to return to good old planet Earth.  Especially with the vast knowledge of the greater-universe and the nature of philosophy-bullshit and etc that I have now.  I’m pretty sure I was sent back to change the world, kind of like when all those rock stars get together and sing when a kid falls down a well.

 

I don’t want to hit you with all this knowledge all in one blog post.  I feel it’s a lot more fair to the people of our planet if I take time to collect all of my thoughts and arrange them into a 27 volume audio cassette collection, that way your brain won’t explode like Scanners and you can listen and learn at your leisure – or however fast you wanna set up the installment plan to send more tapes via your credit card (except you people with Diners – you know, join us in the 90′s why don’t'cha).

So, listen to me if you want to – and I’ll try my best to explain to you alien stuff.  Oh, and listen to Charlize Theron too, I don’t know why she’s important, but she is.  The aliens refer to her as the High Laser Priestess – they might also be really confused from watching Aeon Flux on a loop (because, it happened to me – but there’s no need to go into my rehab at that place in Malibu story again).

Google needs to up the search potential for 2 Days in the Valley

The saucer’s dropped me off in Orlando, Florida – which is a collection of strip malls and suburban homes all ruled by Mickey Mouse – I felt it was a good and accurate sampling of Americana.  While I was there, I took a walk around Disney World to collect my thoughts (and to drink, because that’s how we roll in Epcot):

First I drank in Germany...

...then I had pizza in Italy.

I went Yeti Hunting!

(I'm totally working my vacation photos into this blog post - pretend you don't notice) I don't know what that thing is across the lake, but it's shiny and that's pretty badass.

My doctor told me to add more fruit into my diet - so I drank mojitos.

Then I called Amy Pond...

... ! ...

...then Amy Pond and I had beers. She talked about how cool it was to be famous and I was like, "Yeah, I know."

Then we captured rhinos together!

After a plane ride (ironically, I sat next to an astronaut on the flight – I’m not making that up),  I again found myself on my secure forest moon of Endor compound, and as soon as I finish typing this blog post and tagging it with stuff like Charlize Theron is a Laser Princess and Gina Gershon in Viva Las Venus, I will again be hard at work on the sequel to Billy Purgatory (Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, etc etc).

"You are under contract for a sequel + mama needs her cupcakes!"

Speaking of Billy Purgatory, I have noticed that it has been FREE the entire time that I was kidnapped by alien saucer girls – I can only assume that my publisher did this because they felt that I was probably dead/never coming back/in space prison and they wanted to honor my memory.  Even though I have lost millions thousands some dollars because of this – I have decided to let the book remain FREE while I finish up the sequel this week.

I urge you to check it out – again, it’s fucking FREE and if you don’t get a copy, and tell your friends to get a copy, and take your grandma’s Kindle from her and download a copy onto it for her (just tell her you’re gonna hook her up and “stop the clock from flashing” – that ALWAYS works) you’ll be letting the space-aliens win!

Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.

FREE Kindle, Click and make it rain!

Check out Joe Vampire on Kindle! It's badassary approved.

Sequel!

Jesse James with a live report from aboard the alien saucer + Billy Purgatory is STILL FREE on Kindle!

People of Earthlings and Texas!  I don’t know how long I will be able to transmit – as I am still abducted’ficated aboard the Mozrian-something Supreme Command Saucer-Place.  I know that many of you are probably worried about me up here, but you must stay the course down on the surface of Cleveland or wherever the hell you are receiving this message.  Ladies, please don’t cry – I would like to report that I am still in fine health and that contrary to what those UFO kooks used to tell Art Bell all the time, not all alien saucer people get down with the probe.  I am told that probing only happens with a special subset of Alien Yetis who are into ball-gags and peyote – taking their captives temperatures/looking for love in ALL the wrong places.

#deviantYETIS, has Art Bell always known this truth?

I am not sure what the general evil plan of the invading Mozrian Saucer Army is, but I can tell you that you are probably in little danger right now as I was carrying my lucky deck of playing cards and I currently have the command bridge distracted and engaged in a drunken card game I learned in college called A**hole!  They seemed suspicious at first, and that’s how I learned that they’re not the proby-Yeti aliens, but I assured them that the name was just a strange coincidence.  Their liquor sucks by the way – it’s nothing but future-drinks like something that Shay Fabbro might mix up when she’s on a Star Trek watching marathon.  Not only does it look like anti-freeze, but it tastes like it too – and no matter how many three-nippled space olives you drop into the stuff it never gets the right kinda dirty.

"Yes, Dr. Fab, drinks are very colorful in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!"

As far as I can tell from the view-screen, I am currently over Washington State.  Aliens like to buzz stuff in their saucers, and it’s been the Space Needle all day.  I got to wave at Ken Shear and KSears – I’m pretty sure that I saw Tess Hardwick walking Patches.  It’s kind of amazing how all those flannel shirts on the ground kinda blend together from way up here. It made me homesick, and wonder if I’d have made a good lumberjack.  They’re still arguing from the rec-room while they play cards and yell out hazh’zen’phoocter (which is Mozrian for A**hole – I think?) about whether they’re going to point the saucer at Rio and buzz that big statue of Holy-J next or if it’s off to incinerate the Hollywood Sign.

These guys are all about paradoxes.

Please let our leaders know that the entire Mozrian ground command force is made up of really hot alien women who shouldn’t be underestimated.  They all wear ear-buds and blast Alanis Morisette songs on their space iPods + they’re all reading Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales by Marni Mann.  They keep licking their cosmos-Kindle viewscreens and chanting “Heroin and Lobster” – so they’re pretty keyed up.

"We will mate with your human heroin and your lobsters!"

Oh, and tell Luna that space-vampires really have it worse than Joe Vampire does.  The navigator guy is one and they make fun of how much he sparkles.  Tell Luna that if he wants to use it, the space word for vampires is sparkalulapluss.

I’m not sure if the room I’m typing this message from is a flying saucer chapel or a liquor storage depot – regardless, there’s a framed poster of Tracey Hansen on the wall.  The Mozrian’s might worship her, or the general legend of just how much liquor she can consume in a sitting has made it to the other side of the galaxy and back.  Really when you think about it though, isn’t that what religion is all about?

"We will know new gods on your Earth!"

I think I hear them coming down the hallway, the MacGuyver Swiss Army knife and this flask of opium isn’t gonna last for much longer.  Time to get John McClane on these aliens and come up with a plan.  If any of you wanna help me on the ground, please put a sixer of IMPORTED beer (not the domestic shit, I’m trying to save your ass from aliens here, help me live it up a little) in your backyard – I think I’ve figured out how their tractor-beams work and I’ll reverse-Santa the beer as we’re flying over your house.

"Any of this'll work! Our My survival depends on it!"

Be strong human-American people – these aliens picked the wrong Texan to tap-dance with – I’m about to go Black Swan on their asses.

Billy Purgatory is LEGIT 100% pure Rock-God Love FREE on KINDLE

Click for Amazon to get Billy Purgatory FREE, before I escape from the aliens!

Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixing cars and even going to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Billy Purgatory Music, Disturbing The Grave, Joe Vampire, Write for the Fight!

I wrote a book and I thought: Okay, I wrote a book – uh…  Time to write another book???  I also thought, wouldn’t it be cool if they still made S&H Green Stamps – and I could trade them in for vodka…

I didn’t really anticipate people saying such nice things about it (come on Bitter Bad Review, I know you’re out there waiting in righteous judgement!).  I really didn’t expect anyone to make Billy Purgatory songs?

Well, Michael Pallante made some music:

There is also an 80′s re-mix!

Steven Luna aka Joe Vampire made some music too:

Plus, if you want to hear my Texas voice telling Minmay to Shut the Fuck UP + sing Champagne Supernova:

I would like to thank Michael Pallante (who was nice enough to send me an advance copy of his upcoming album, which owns!) and Steven Luna the author of the fantastic Joe Vampire (my love for which is well documented all over Twitter) for taking the time out of their busy schedules and digging Billy Purgatory enough to put all the time and effort into this madness. I sincerely appreciate it.

Michael Pallante also has a book:

Dig it up at Amazon!

Jake Wilkin’s father had kept the old house a secret from his family. When he inherited the house from his father, Jake received more than a property- he became the keeper of a dark family secret. 

Jake’s solo trip to the Appalachian Mountains to visit the estate disturbs something dark in the house. Jake pours through the house’s decaying library of arcane books, hunting for the reasons his father kept the house a secret.

However, a dreamlike romance with a young woman who comes and goes with the moon pulls him ever deeper into a world of insects, insanity and witchcraft.

Steven Luna has a book:

Scrub the sparkles off your fangs @ Amazon!

Hey, folks. I’m Joe, and I’m a vampire – not by choice, mind you, but by accident…a fate-twisting, fang-creating, blood lust-inducing misunderstanding. It started with a group date, a case of mistaken identity and far too many sake bombers, and ended with a ridiculous set of circumstances that I just can’t seem to wrap my head around. 

Maybe you can tell: I’m not real happy about it. 

But I’m certainly not going to let it get in the way of my life.

So I’ve thrown my ranting into a blog. I’m hanging out my dirty laundry in an effort to explain the real deal about being a card-carrying member of the Undead Elite. Maybe it will help others understand the truth about vampires. Maybe it will help me come to terms with it, too. Believe me, it’s not all satin capes and naked ladies…none of it is, actually. One naked lady would be nice. Instead, it’s just one nasty little surprise after another. The truth bears exposing, and I’m pulling back the curtain on all of it. If I can figure out how to keep it from mowing me over in the process, then that’s groovy, too. 

And that thing about vampires sparkling in the sun? 

That is a bunch of bull. 

Me and a ton of other cool people have a book:

13 authors spin tales about the many stages of life: laugh, cry, think, plot, plan, be inspired, nod your head and go "Oh yeah, girl! That happened to me too!" Click for Amazon!

Please LIKE Write for the Fight on Facebook!

I have a book:

Attention whore, remember! Click for Time Zombie Transportation!

Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixes cars and even goes to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

“Cupcakes, bitch!” + Books with Vampires in them

 

Click for Time Zombie Transportation!

Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixes cars and even goes to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

“I first heard whispers about this book on twitter. Comments about a “badass skateboarder”, time zombies, vampires, Greek Gods, and tentacles. I decided I had to check it out myself. The story revolves around skateboarder Billy Purgatory, and his uncanny ability to find himself in the center of trouble with the undead and ancient gods. We start the story with Billy at age ten saving the life of a young girl from a couple vampires, but this girl is more than she seems. I began to read with eyebrows raised questioning how this author, as he revealed more and more of these disconnected creatures; was going to spin these elements into a fine tale. I pictured water spiraling into the darkness of a storm drain. To my delight however, the spiral of water began to rise high into the sky as a tornado, a force of dark nature. Next thing I know I was on the field when the time zombie arrived, I was riding the train with Billy and Anastasia. I felt the heat around Lissandra as she ran from the fire. Without realizing it, I had stepped into the story. It is not something that happens often.”  - Author Glenn Skinner, The Keya Quests Blog

Fangs for the Click!

Hey, folks. I’m Joe, and I’m a vampire – not by choice, mind you, but by accident…a fate-twisting, fang-creating, blood lust-inducing misunderstanding. It started with a group date, a case of mistaken identity and far too many sake bombers, and ended with a ridiculous set of circumstances that I just can’t seem to wrap my head around.

Maybe you can tell: I’m not real happy about it.

But I’m certainly not going to let it get in the way of my life.