I’ve had some down-time lately, and this has allowed me to catch up on some reading; and by down-time I mean that incident at the Winter Carnival (which I can’t talk about according to my court-appointed lawyer, but I will say that driving a tractor with a goat as your co-pilot should not be considered reckless endangerment, anyone who’s had to sit through a Law & Order marathon on TNT knows that). There are only so many hours in the day I can Tweet Ralph Macchio to taunt him into agreeing to fight me in the Valley Karate Championship, and after a case of Schlitz the thrill of that life goal kinda wears off and seems zenfully shallow.
This is an actor that looks like Norman Rockwell trying to sell you Schlitz.
This is the real Tess Thompson and not an actor trying to sell you cough syrup.
This is my karate nemesis. I could take him in a fight, even though he has really nice hair.
Since it is winter, all the creeks have frozen up and the elusive Yeti has gone into hibernation, which always strikes me as a little odd — shouldn’t winter be prime-time for Yetis? But I digress, the point of this article is to illustrate that I needed something to do to occupy my brain, steel-trap beasts like that brain of mine need to stay well oiled or they become rusty, like that C3-PO that Dorothy found on the Yellow Brick road to Oz near those talking trees.
Talking trees are total dicks, fyi.
After I played a few games of Words With Friends and kicked Karla Nellenbach and Alec Baldwin’s ass by using the words Fahrvergnügen and Bassoon in a combination they just weren’t ready for, I decided that I needed something fresh and unique to set my synapses all a-flutter.
I made this in MS Paint cause I take blogging seriously and no expense is spared.
It also had to be something that wouldn’t set off the electronic ankle-bracelet.
This is when I discovered that I had been emailed an advance copy of a new book by Tess Thompson entitled Caramel and Magnolias. Now, the title was instantly intriguing, as I have known two pleasant young ladies in my past who happened to be named Caramel and Magnolia respectively. I quickly discovered by doing a word search on the document that these were not the same ladies, as glitter wasn’t used once in the manuscript.
I’m talking about this book right here. Tess wrote it, not the guy trying to sell you Schlitz.
Still, why not? I decided to read (well, some parts I had my Uncle Lester Earl read out loud to me, because he sounds everything out and it was kinda funny, but ultimately distracting).
As I dug deeper into this book, I wasn’t ready for what was being presented to me. What was this strange world that Tess Thompson had created? Who were these people? When would we find out that the Loch Ness Monster was involved?
Turns out, this was one of those romantical books.
Like this.
See, there’s this nice schoolteacher lady named Cleo, with a broken-heart from something that happened to her in her past that involved a box of donuts (before you jump to conclusions, you’re probably thinking the same thing that I was, but it turns out it’s not that). Then there was this other lady named Sylvia who wanted to have a baby and, right when she thinks she’s got everything she wants, tragedy strikes. Turns out Sylvia has a longing-heart, she’s in love with this dude and he’s in love with her too, but neither one of them will tell one another. So, it made me go, “Dude, tell her you love her and stuff. Cause if you don’t then you’re gonna be an old man and have this weird bucket-list and one of the things you have to check off is going to the Walgreens and buying a Hey, I’m an old dude now, and I should have told you that I loved you card with a picture of a cute kitten on the front of it…
Just letting you all know, you’d think that cute kitten card trick would work, but turns out the rate of success in real-world scenarios is not that high.
This stuff totally works though.
For guys like me, that are totally in touch with their emotions and Deepak Chopra talks to you in your head like Obi-Wan Kenobi, it was easy to get wrapped up in this story. The characters are very well written and have interesting back-stories (I never thought I’d admit something like this, but the character work in this is even better than the cast of The Expendables, and that had Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger).
Just when you think life can’t get anymore zen.
The more I think about Caramel and Magnolias, the more I consider that it’s not just about all that love stuff, there’s cross-genre appeal (I just copied cross-genre appeal out of an article about The Hunger Games, so you’re welcome, universe). There’s buddy cop stuff going on, there’s crime and intrigue, there’s a little solving a murder sprinkled in. The only thing missing really is Space Marine, and I can’t fault Tess Thompson on that — because after Aliens where do you go with it that hasn’t already been covered?
Fighting Aliens all day is hard. Luckily, Sigourney Weaver tucked them in every night and then read Riversong to them.
And in case I freaked you out above by talking about cute cat pictures, there’s a mean cat in this book. I’m not entirely convinced that it’s not a werewolf pretending to be a cat. We’ll have to wait for a sequel to learn the truth on that one. If it’s set in London and Jenny Agutter offers to take care of someone then Tess Thompson will have already tipped her hand to the involvement of a secret lycanthrope conspiracy.
Click for Rob Kelly’s Illustration Blog!
The cats in this book didn’t need to be cute anyway, there’s babies that take care of that action. For those of you who love cute babies with dimpled chins, this book is for you. I am glad to see cute babies getting their due in modern fiction. I was just reading some Dan Brown the other day (okay, I was watching that movie because the cable company forgot to lock the box that turns off my HBO) and I was saying to myself “You know, you good looking badass, you — Tom Cruise does a good job solving these mysteries and running through the Vatican, but could he take care of a baby?” I’m calling you out, Top Gun. Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, and Ted Danson have got nothing to prove in the baby taking-care-of department. So far, all we know about you is that you take after-volleyball showers at Kelly McGillis’s house and talk to a soccer ball.
It always ends up being Val Kilmer that ties everything together.
So, if you’re not like my Uncle Lester Earl and you didn’t quit school in the 5th grade so you could run away with the carnival, therefore, know how to read books, Caramel and Magnolias has something for you.
Read these words and let Tess Thompson school you on babies, and love, and cops, and cops in love, and pianos, and how to make stuff out of glass, and beer. You should get off the sidelines, and read Caramel and Magnolias.
Click for Amazon!
(In the interest of full disclosure, and since I cannot afford two lawyers at the same time, I am a part of the Booktrope family, who is the publisher of Caramel and Magnolias. Tess Thompson or Booktrope in no way endorsed this article (or even wanted it) and Tess did not pay me $20 to write it, even though I might have asked her to. What? I was drunk.)
Click for Tess’s blog!
Tess Thompson is a mother before all else, and a writer after that. She’s also a Zumba queen, though the wearing of the crown is reserved for invitation-only appearances. After honing her craft in theater with a prize-winning play titled My Lady’s Hand, her heart was called to a different storytelling medium: the great American novel.
And all was right with the world.
The first of these, Riversong (Booktrope Editions), went on to become #1 on Barnes and Noble’s Nook Book chart in October 2011. Two years after its release, readership ofRiversong continued to grow, spending weeks in the top 100 Kindle bestsellers; it’s known amongst her friends and family as “the little book that could.”
And now, I try and sell you Schlitz…
Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five is the second book in Jesse James Freeman’s Billy Purgatory series. He has been at war with dark forces (stuff like: cobras, lasers, yetis) his entire life. He enjoys Tweeting, scented candles, and waffles. He is hard at work on Billy Purgatory 3 and an epic poem entitled Witches vs Robots.
Being interviewed on this blog is an exhaustive scientific process under normal circumstances. There is form and function involved, but it really never goes places that I don’t expect. I’m not doing something important here, like curing bad breath (because Budweiser already does that). Normally the tried and true system works with me writing out the questions and then scanning them into email. Something like…
This is the protocol that I followed with Sarah Martinez (then I passed out after downing a bottle of the finest plastic-bottled Scotch that money could buy). I guess I wasn’t ready for the epicosity that would one day arrive back in my email box.
I read it and I thought it was fantastico. I thought that there were some pretty heavy/intriguing topics in the book, and it’s one of those reads that stayed with me for days while I tried to figure out what it all meant.
So, I was out working on my moonshine still (aka typical Thursday night) and I said to myself, “I’m using way too much brain power on all this. Why don’t I just ask Sarah to talk about her book, and life, and what’s the nature of the human condition?” I realized that I was sitting on this old oil drum in the same pose as that Thinker statue dude. Yes, I was naked, but I don’t normally pose like that when I’m making shine.
I wrote out my questions and emailed, then Sarah’s lawyers emailed me back (this is a normal step in the process), then KSears was like, “Why are you talking to Sarah? She’s busy writing books? And, where are my…
???”
I found out Sarah was having this big fancy launch party in someplace called Seattle. I thought about hitting that, because nobody does fancy like me. I couldn’t find my tuxedo-T-shirt (and I didn’t know where Seattle was). There was tons of important book stuff going on there though:
See, here’s Sarah there talking about writer stuff:
Anyhow, when all was said and done, Sarah emailed me back her answers – 10 pages of answers! Obviously, she thinks I’m a legit journalist or something.
So prepareth for reading-time of awesomeness, as I present here the novella which is
Sarah Martinez Answers 11 Questions of Badassary!
Author Sarah Martinez, yo!
1.
So, I was reading your book and like the main character is a writer who writes erotica and like there’s erotica that goes down in the book and so I was saying, “This is like one of those paintings that has one of those paintings in it and that has a painting in that and it goes on for infinity until the painting gets all tiny.”
This dude told me that if you squint your eyes and look at this picture sideways you see a koala bear.
So, should there be more books that have tiny paintings in them?
Not if there aren’t authors who want to write them. I wrote Sex and Death in the American Novel in the middle of a pretty hard core obsession with two authors. I saw one as the road to madness and the other the road to salvation, and somewhere as I read more, I fell in love with the one who represented madness. So this book is a weird assed way for me to try and express that.
There is the element of me addressing my favorite authors, and in the book I am writing about the experience of writing and you are reading about what it means to be a reader. It is a whole circular thing and it ended for me when I got to give the book to one of my favorite authors when he came to town. I think that was where the book ended for me, if that makes sense. Now I am ready to move on to the next thing.
I kinda want to take over the Nancy Drew books, but make her like badass Nancy Drew. She was raised by werewolves and now she’s a model who solves crimes…
I also love writers so I was very interested in all the discussions of process and how many of us work, how many of us are judged, how we judge ourselves, how we judge others, and how outsiders judge what we write.
2.
There’s a lot more going on in your book than Sex and Death–but the sex is definitely there. What’s the secret to writing the sexy times? A lot of people are writing about the sexy times lately, but I’m not so sure a lot of us are doing it right. When I try to write that kinda stuff I don’t think I do a very good job at it–but I’m a guy and I think I’ve accomplished something groundbreaking if I can just work “boobs” into a sentence.
Why do you think that is?
Dude, here’s an exercise for you. Think of the five words you really really aren’t supposed to say, let alone write. Pick the worst one. Then write for ten minutes using that word in every line. Not every sentence, every line. I stole that from Jack Remick, and a version of this exercise can also be found in The Writer’s Portable Mentor by Priscilla Long.
“Nancy Drew raised by werewolves? What’s your opening line? – “A long time ago Nancy Drew was hot and raised by hot werewolves?”
Jack Remick and I will be doing a class that will cover writing sex scenes for the Pacific Northwest Writers Association on November 3rd. There should also be a webinar so you can look it up later. I am excited about this class, and working with writers who want to write past what they are afraid to talk about.
In my case anyway, when I got past all the self-censoring I was doing and moved into trying to be as honest and true to what I was afraid of and badly wanted to say, it opened up so many more aspects of my work. I could say I was pissed at my father and that I in fact hated him at times, because I let that barrier down. Letting down the walls that keep us from writing honestly about sex also opens up the ability to talk about other aspects of our lives.
The key to writing sex or anything really, is to put all of yourself into it. Study others who have done it well—for you, don’t listen to what others say is a good scene if it doesn’t work for you—and keep practicing. Like sex itself, the more you do, the better at it you become and the more aware and present you are for the whole deal, the more you will get out of it.
Writing is about awareness, honesty, respect for your topic, and fearlessness. When I am afraid of something is when I find I want to skim over it. The need to skip over a topic should be a clue that it may need some attention. Even if that only ends up being one line in the final draft, it probably should be addressed.
I also think that starting from a really radical place and revising for audience is the way to go. Throw everything you have at the scene you are writing, and then tame it if you need to. But if you write tame in the first place, you risk losing the special bit that comes out when you let yourself go. Knowing you I am actually surprised you would have a hard time with this. Pretend you are on twitter and you have to be as explicit as you can in your descriptions. What key words would you have to use to make your points if you were attempting to shock, seduce or enchant? Let yourself go and I think you will be surprised at what you come up with.
Maybe I always get hung up on *enchant*?
I have been finding some phenomenal male writers lately who address sex in their work. Marco Vassi’sThe Stoned Apocalypse, as well as The Gentle Degenerates, areimportant, as is anything and everything by Junot Diaz. He just published some of his best short stories in the collection This is How You Lose Her. His short story “Alma” is one of my favorites. The actual sex scene there is short but very well done and the entire story is infused with this dark sexually charged energy.
I am just beginning to read these, but even just his reasons for writing sound exactly like what I have been saying for a while. His work reminds me a lot of the honesty and a certain type of hope I was so drawn to in Marco Vassi.
“Oh, so Sarah and that Marco dude could write about kick-ass hot Nancy Drew…”
3.
I’m just gonna stay focused on Sarah’s interview and keep my genius werewolf ideas to myself.
Your blog addresses a lot of topics: writing, literature, relationships, sex. Beyond self-promotion, what sort of discussions are really important to you to engage in with readers? What are the sorts of dialogues you feel are crucial to keep relevant currently? What should we be talking about more openly that we’re not?
I hope my blog handles self-promotion least of all topics. I really want it to be a place for gathering information that is relevant to my own sensibility. When you land there you should pretty quickly be able to figure out who I am and what is important to me. It is also very important to me that I am able to promote others who are “doing it right.” Once in awhile I will do what I call a “gushy post” and I will rave and fawn over some new writer I have discovered.
I am planning a series of posts where I will interview several male writers that I admire, who are writing about sex in ways that are worth taking notice.When I wrote my novel I was addressing the fact that a few of the writers I respected hardly handled sex at all in their work, but were supposed to be addressing the human condition. I never expected this meant all male writers, because of course, there wasJunot Diaz and Marco Vassi, but Marco Vassi was mostly classified as a porn writer!
People get paid to write porn? Wait … what is this a picture of?
I was addressing a very specific assumption I had, that I am still trying to work though, that literary fiction can’t or shouldn’t handle explicit sex because it is too…well…explicit, tasteless or ew, you know, like too gross or something… Fuck! Forget the fact that it is also something that is universal, vital and either traumatic or pleasurable as an activity. Why real depictions of it are still largely stuck into a separate genre is something I continue to look at and discuss.
I also want people to learn something as well. When I say I wrote a book that was erotic many people bring up the latest blockbuster that deals with BDSM. If a careful reader comes to my site, they will find recommendations to other books they might also find interesting and find out why I am writing the way I do.
The last thing I want to do is trivialize sex further; instead I want to celebrate and examine it and point people towards other artists who do the same. If I can accomplish that with my website, blog, facebook and twitter ramblings, I will have done something important.
Why would anyone wanna trivialize sex further? …oh, yeah!
Something unrelated to the book that you will find on my website , is about a place I was in as a teenager called Straight, Inc. It was a radical institution which called itself a drug treatment program that worked with teenagers through the 70’s until the early 90s. This is a part of who I am that until pretty recently I kept quiet about and mostly tried to ignore. As I get older and try to work through some of what it means for me to have been in that place, it becomes more important to both integrate it into my discussions about who I am and try to draw attention to it. There are a good number of people out there who were in places like this and I think it is important that they don’t feel alone. I have several links up on my website and have posted a few essays about the experience and will continue to do so from time to time.
4.
You list Atlas Shrugged as an inspiration.I really loved that novel when I read it – more for the characters and less for some of the extreme Objectivism. Anthem was a super-important book for me when I first read it. Do you think poor Ayn is getting a bad rap, lately?
I have been told that shit tons of people like Ayn for the reasons I do, but I haven’t met any of them until you! Generally Atlas Shrugged is only cited when discussions of a political nature come up. The pieces about Atlas that resonated for me, and were exactly why I threw the references into the book were first the notion that your mind, your thoughts, and your reason are valuable. In the context of my book, it was like, hey, if you like erotica, or science fiction more than literary fiction, don’t feel bad about that. Don’t let people who purport to know, as those party goers did in Atlas, tell you that you are wrong. Do your thing and be proud of it, and choose wisely, being true to your own vision of the world. Also, as a writer, don’t write what you think other people want, or what might sell, or any of that, write what really turns your crank, rocks your clock, and floats your particular boat.
Like this kinda boat?
The second thing I appreciated was that she addressed the power that guilt has over us all. We get to look at how it works as a motivator in relationships of all kinds. One of the writers I admire, Jonathan Franzen, talked about this in a speech he gave when he came to Seattle. He is the first writer I ever heard address this. Guilt is an especially big deal for mothers as we are often expected to give up our hopes and dreams until our kids are grown.One day it occurred to me that that was unreasonable, and that much of the guilt I had about doing what I wanted was left over from judging my own mother who also didn’t do the June Cleaver thing.
As I began pulling away from the day to day routine that involved me being available for husband and kids 24/7, I had to deal with quite a bit of guilt, and still do for choosing to spend my time writing, editing and attending events for all of it. But I also believe that my happiness and my example to my girls matters in the long run. Do I want them to think that they are doomed to a life of constant sacrifice and no personal fulfillment if they decide to go the domestic route? That sort of insight took a while though. I think we are still taught to give up quite a bit for the sake of our families and it is not always easy to imagine another way to be until we have done it for a while.
Here is something that nobody mentions… Did Dagny not have the most incredible men lusting after her? And they weren’t lusting after her because she had a rack that could drop jaws, but instead it was all about what was inside her, and what she was capable of. So there was, like Twilight,which I read at the same time I read Atlas Shrugged,this implication for some incredible group sex.
Like this?
Don’t give me that look. It was there the whole time. I should write it so you’ll see…
5. Sex and Death has some heavy topics mixed in with self-discovery and erotica. Your protagonist starts off writing gay pornography because she’s more interested in writing books that are “fun escapist reads” VS “high literature.” She also explores the nature of women’s roles in relationships and how they’re perceived by society. As a whole, do you think we’re ever going to get over a lot of the puritanical hang-ups that color our views and pre-conceived notions about what it means to interact intimately with others and what our roles are supposed to be in that dance?
First I want to say that I am no expert on anything, all I can speak to is what I have observed in my own life and what I have been learning lately.
I had thought we were still, at least where I lived, pretty hung up, but since I wrote the book these fascinating people, largely men, have been handing me all sorts of information. I think now I need to distinguish between mainstream media (the literary fiction I was reading was mainstream and popular) and what the men’s movements and what some would call counter-culture are doing. Until I found Marco Vassi, I was pretty sure men were not able to function mentally and be sexual beings. True story.I know,I am special and incredibly precious aren’t I? What Vassi wrote was revelatory and confirmed something that I had hoped–that men were more like me than different– and there was a way to find a real connection with these beings who for many reasons I admired.
I am not sure if anything different is possible in any context where we are slave to a mass consciousness, certainly not where people are still labeled, still not able to be themselves without judgment. This again goes to my discussion of what good is and what bothers me about labels in general. Is a man who can have sex with both women and men and find connection there any less of a man than one who only sleeps with women? According to the jokes I heard on TV and the way I have heard men talked about all my life, there would be something wrong with him.
I also feel like the nuances that make all of life so exciting is what television, and the mass media are so awful at dealing with. Because we simplify things to the point of inanity, it is very easy to assume, especially at an unconscious level, that there is something wrong with you if you want something different than what mainstream media presents. We wax off all of our body hair, get plastic surgery, and airbrush everything, so that both men and women now are faced with images on magazine covers and in movies that set up an expectation that we have to then reconcile both about who we are and about what we are supposed to want. What if the thing that really gets you going is the image of some big hairy lumberjack…who may be sporting a roll around his middle but has incredibly powerful shoulders? Can a woman just be attracted to man because of what he represents as a being without having to also fantasize about him having rock hard abs and a bank account to rival Donald Trump?
I have been hearing women talk about these issues relating to what they think society expects of us, but when I flipped it around and looked at it from the male perspective, something clicked into place for me. If men can’t even be real, then what have we done to ourselves as a culture?It seems to me that the more we commercialize sex, and our own bodies, and the more we simplify our desires, the more we lose something important about our humanity.
Maybe explored a lot of the same issues? Okay, probably not.
Geez, I can go on…
One thing that bothered me at a deep level was when I played back a Charlie Brown specialon DVR for my girls. I had recorded it off the ABC Family channel. The ads that were flashing during the commercials were for this show that featured a bunch of adolescent girls, made up to look like Playmates. They had perfect hair, and full coat of makeup including shiny lipstick and high heels. The show looked like nothing more than a soap opera to me, not something that should be advertised when small children could see it.
Are we saying she’s not legit edgy? Or that she just shouldn’t hang out with Charlie Brown?
I was horrified and watched myself with no small amount of humor,ban any more ABC Family shows. So, that was interesting, here I am this person who talks about sex with anyone who will listen, who writes what most would consider pretty explicit stuff, who talks as honestly and openly about sex as I can with my daughters, but then when it comes to my girls watching this dreck, I turn into my grandmother.
And I think actually that this reconciles perfectly. I want my girls to grow up with a healthy image about what they are supposed to look like, what their friends are supposed to look like and how they should behave and get by in the world. This should apply for them, and for the men and women they choose to share their lives with.
Look at Charlie Brown. Here boys and girls are unique, and each has his own characteristics and something about them that makes them special, and at least as I watch it, the implication is that they will grow up in the world and find all sorts of interesting things to do. With the show I saw ads for, the focus was only on relationships, how to snare a boy, and how to make him the focus of your life.
My exhaustive research has led me back to this!
So my sense is that if we look to anything mainstream as a way to understand ourselves we will be making a huge mistake. This is why books are so valuable, especially the weird ones. Even books that people look down on are more nuanced than anything on television or in the movies.
6.
Bet you didn’t even know there was a European Remix!
Dancing is a recurring thing in the book. It’s a recurring thing with me at weddings – I’m already making plans to start a conga line to Footloose at Tracey Hansen’s wedding. Were you a dancer? Should we maybe all be more dancer and less whatever the hell else we’re currently doing?
Only if that is your thing. I have a friend who sits meditation. He says he gets his energy from meditation, and he thinks, and I would agree, that I get mine from dance. I think we all should be doing what works for us.
I would definitely encourage people who are afraid of dancing to give it a try though. Conga lines have never been my thing but something like that would be a great introduction for the newbie. Take lots of pictures!
I took lessons pretty intensely for about a year and went out at least four times a week for quite a while. I almost had a formal partner for Tango and had plans to go to Argentina and study there before I met my husband. I am not an especially graceful dancer and despite the fact that I love the Argentine Tango, and have lots of fun with Salsa, I am a horrible follow. I still do it but I am awful at it.
The deal is to try and fail and try again and enjoy yourself. That is what dance is all about for me. Like sex, like running, like any other physical activity, when the whole body is involved, it can take you to a different place and in doing that can be quite expansive.
7.
Is anyone in movies or TV doing anything erotic right or is it just the same old Cinemax tropes over and over?
I feel like all I see are tropes but I am also having my eyes opened to the fact that I haven’t been looking in the right places. I think I touched on this in some of my previous answers too.
It’s not like MTV was gonna keep renewing Remote Control forever.
What I am finding is that when I am open to learning about something, the examples sort of fall in my lap. Check back with me, I am sure that I will have something for you soon. For now, what I like is still found in books and a few offbeat places. Did you see the videos from my launch? Maureen O’Donnell does this tribal belly dance that is incredible to watch, especially live. This was not only sexy, but unique and interesting. I have never seen anything like it.
8.
Music or not? If yes, what do you listen to when you write? (You get tons of extra points if it involves Hall & Oates).
I have listened to Hall &Oates. “Maneater” especially helps to tap into a certain vamp vibe–this thing I wanted so desperately to be when I was younger.
#VastMustache!
Addressing that need is something that I deal with in my work. I will be listening to more of the stuff that was popular in the 80s as I am working on a book that takes place during that time. There is nothing like Bonnie Tyler to call up a certain type of romanticy angst. Did you know Hall & Oates did a song with my name in it?
I turned around, Bright Eyes.
Music is very important to me, but it is hard to explain what I do with it. Very strong music like Marilyn Manson and Metallica help to tap into a state of outrage or frustration. Also Enigma works well on the flip side. Often the poppier the better, when I first started Sex and Death in the American Novel I was listening to Lady GaGa. The working title of the book was Bad Romance until only a couple months before it was published.
…or as I like to call her “My Future Ex-Wife”
As I write the first draft, I listen to music, usually pretty loud, and then keep that music around to listen to later on. How I use music tends to be a lot about accessing a specific feeling or if this makes sense, sort of holding the emotional energy so I can get back to it when I need it. When I am trying to really work I need quiet, often the monsters in my head are loud enough, but other times, like when I am revising, or copy editing, I may use something like Bach or Tangerine Dream.
9.
Book Trailer Break!!!
When it’s just not happening–you know–the words, what do you do? How do you get away, re-focus, clear your head?
Physical activities serve to get me the fuck out of my head and back to what got me excited about what I was working on.
Like this? No wait, that’s what Tess Hardwick does.
I am big on running or walking outside, or at the gym if I have to.
That’s what Tracey Hansen does.
Dance is something I am doing more lately, but don’t get to go out to do it as much as I would like. The launch party was a notable example. I was high from that for at least a week.
Yeah, but are you also a welder?
10.
What’s the balance for you between being a writer, being a wife, being a mom, having a life? Do you find yourself being a slightly different person when you’re engaged in different parts of your life–or are you always just Sarah? (Sometimes I’m LBJ–but my therapist tells me to run with it).
Yes, run with it J
Since I was pretty young I have been able to compartmentalize different parts of my life and myself. I am still me and my values are the same, but I handle different people in my life differently. Once in a while someone from one of my mommy groups wants to talk about writing or editing, and it feels a little like the world is tipping.
I find the balance difficult. When I do anything I like to do it fully and often it is hard to switch to something else. Often I feel like I am torn in different directions, like I’ll want to do two things in the same amount of time, like finish a book and read to my daughter before it is time to go to bed.
Mostly now I am doing the writer promoter thing and running kids around during the day. Here I want to say that this is something that would be much more difficult if I didn’t have the husband that I have. He is very centered on the family and so he handles a lot of domestic tasks and of course stays with the girls when I have to go to a conference, or when I write in the evenings. I am not sure how couples who both write do it. I am sure you can make anything work, but this balance is hard for sure.
Different parts of my day are for different things. Early mornings are sacred writing time, then the girls get up and I have to get them ready for school. For a couple hours while my youngest is in school I work, then I pick her up and we run errands, and I do the domesticated wife routine. At least three nights a week I get to work more or run to different events and activities. At bedtime I read to my youngest and then my oldest will get into bed with me and we will read side my side. I love that.
11.
What’s next? Maybe not what book is next – more like what amazing goal is next? How will Sarah Martinez next make it rain?
I am working on my next book, but as a part of that research I am learning all this great stuff that I mentioned before about the men’s movement and male sexuality–not as the silly or brutish thing it is always portrayed as, but as something worth real attention from the female perspective. I have found four men without even trying who are doing amazing sex writing, or honestly talking about sexual issues and I will be doing a series of blog posts where I get to ask them questions about writing and sex. A couple of these guys are really radical so I expect this to be pretty exciting.
There is no question in my mind that this dude is in touch with his feelings.
The thing with this is that I was very heavily focused on my own frustration and that of the women around me when I wrote Sex and Death. Most of the men I was in intimate relationships with that I could have potentially had real discussions with were too hung up on proving their “manhood” and couldn’t talk honestly, and also were just not very articulate.
Did you ask this guy?
Since I have started writing and talking to writers, there is a more open atmosphere and also being older has helped too I think, both in my level of ability to listen and in the people I have been talking to.
A good writer friend and I had a discussion about a year ago and this was the first time that it occurred to me–in a way that made me change my own line of thinking– that men were subjected to their own set of pressures. What he said sounded similar to what I hear some women say about what keeps them from being who they want to be. Satisfying this craving for knowledge and experiencing this connection that had nothing to do with having sex with this man, made me really happy. For once I felt like I had achieved understanding. Something real had happened.
Many times in my life I had felt like discussions with men were mostly a build up to sex or a build up to the eventual let down that would be not having sex or whatever.
What if he’s being legit, Molly Ringwald?
Or the tension that comes with not talking about it. Now I am talking to people about things that are important to people. I hope to be able to share that with others who may be as ignorant as I was.
Thanks Sarah, you have taken us to school!
How could you not click this picture now?!?
Vivianna Post is the family anomaly. Daughter of a Pulitzer Prize winner and an academic, she has never quite fit her parents’ expectations as a free-spirited erotica writer. When Vivianna encounters the award-winning author Jasper Caldwell at a nightclub, all she wants is to blame him for blowing off her brother at a writers’ conference the year before and possibly causing his suicide. But as the night—and then the weeks—wear on, Vivianna finds herself drawn to Jasper in ways she cannot understand. When their differences—literary and sexual—threaten to pull Vivianna and Jasper apart, Jasper rediscovers Alejandro, an old friend who just might have the power to complete them both in every way. Using quotes and references to classic erotic and literary icons, Sex and Death in the American Novel is on one level an unconventional romance and on another a discussion of the merits of erotic literature.
Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat…?
Click for Time Zombie transportation!
Billy Purgatory is a man plagued by questions – about his mother’s disappearance, his love-hate relationship with vampire fatale Anastasia, and why the Time Zombie keeps stealing his girlfriends. The search for answers frequently leads him into danger and the darker corners of the world, corners he would prefer not to see.
In his quest for answers, Billy begins using the Zombie’s powers for his own designs, hurtling into the past in a time-bending attempt to create an ideal present. No one can predict the outcome of such a plan – especially not Billy. This time, his adventures take him high above the African plains, through the sleek, marbled halls of a mysterious mansion brimming with sinister science, and across the U.S. on a heated road trip with none other than Anastasia at his side. Vampires, demons, and an evil cabal known simply as the Satanic Five are all hot on his trail.
Some answers don’t come easily…but that’s never stopped Billy Purgatory.
“So, would Nancy Drew actually be a werewolf? Or just raised by werewolves?”
Fall is uponeth you! (unless you live in maybe New Zealand or Antarctica because I’m not really sure how science works and it might not be the same there because they’re upside down).
Science. Respect, bitches!
As many of you probably don’t know because how could you because I haven’t told anyone and it’s not like I ever Tweet or anything,
I have been furiously putting the final touches on the sequel to Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird (Book 1 in the series, if you’re into counting and the alphabet and that kinda nonsense).
This!
Wait…
No…
This:
From my Science Adviser Dr. Shay West: “But they are…aren’t they??? I’ll need to go down and observe for myself. So you buy the plane ticket and I’ll do the research.”
Writing a sequel has been a long and grueling process and it has proved to be a lot of financial responsibility on my part. My accountant keeps assuring me that we can write the tequila costs off as research but he’s not sure sure about the massages. I really feel like my writing arms have to be limber for me to achieve maximum output. This should also justify the manicure expenses and the tanning bed. I’ve also been on a strict diet of Taco Bell and Zima:
This infographic was created for purely educational purposes.
I have had the love and support of the entire Booktrope family the whole way through this exhausting process.
“Do you still write books?” – Tess Hardwick, Riversong
“It’s just… you’ve been drinking a lot of malt-liquor and I’m really not sure if running scenes using LEGOs and not just making an outline is the most useful way to brainstorm” - Steven Luna, Joe Vampire
They have cleared me to release the tantalizing (which is like a bedazzled-Tarantula if you really think about it) official description for Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five. Please sit down and brace yourself before reading any further. I don’t have any money and can’t be responsible if you fall down or didn’t take your Flintstones Blood-Pressure Gummisaurs yet today:
Billy Purgatory is a man plagued by questions – about his mother’s disappearance, his love-hate relationship with vampire fatale Anastasia, and why the Time Zombie keeps stealing his girlfriends. The search for answers frequently leads him into danger and the darker corners of the world, corners he would prefer not to see.
In his quest for answers, Billy begins using the Zombie’s powers for his own designs, hurtling into the past in a time-bending attempt to create an ideal present. No one can predict the outcome of such a plan – especially not Billy. This time, his adventures take him high above the African plains, through the sleek, marbled halls of a mysterious mansion brimming with sinister science, and across the U.S. on a heated road trip with none other than Anastasia at his side. Vampires, demons, and an evil cabal known simply as the Satanic Five are all hot on his trail.
Some answers don’t come easily…but that’s never stopped Billy Purgatory.
As you can see, that kinda badassary don’t grow on trees. It took Evel Knievel months to plot out that jump over Snake River Canyon, and I’m sure it involved a ton of science and hookers to get everything just right. Well, I can’t be sure about both of those components.
What I can be sure of is that it’s almost Halloween, and very soon Billy Purgatory will skate again!
Billy Purgatory has traveled the world once again – seems like he always goes to sunny Orlando though. He is a daredevil badass – so it makes sense that Space Mountain would be right up his alley. I really don’t see him taking any advice from Jiminy Cricket, but they have fireworks every night and he does enjoy watching stuff blow up.
However, I’m not ruling out that Billy would take advice from Rickety Cricket.
Stephanie Fuller is the Book Hipster – like officially – she has a blog and everything. She and her husband, Matt, surprised their daughter Jillian by planning a trip to the Magic Kingdom and only sprung it on her days before the trip (more about that later – NOW with more Youtube video). Stephanie had just won an awesome tote-bag fulla Booktrope books in a contest given by lady-tiger author Gale Martin(if you haven’t read Don Juan in Hankey, PA or Grace Unexpected then you’re seriously missing out).
Does it say “Advanced Virgin” on that laptop screen?
So Stephanie took some books with her on vacation too.
I felt we could all use a vacation update – and so here is Book Hipster Stephanie Fuller with the rundown of travel badassary!
1.
So, how was Disney World? Did you wish upon any stars? Did they give you plenty of soap in the hotel room?
—Disney World was hot, sweaty, gross, rainy, humid…it was AWESOME!!! Seriously though…too hot…too humid…too rainy…I was a hot, sweaty mess the whole time. *shakes head* It was not pretty!
This is way pretty.
—I DID wish upon a star! I’m not telling you what I wished for cause it could still come true. Really, it could…right?!?!?!?! *bats eyelashes*
One badass welcoming another. Like Kings do on Game of Thrones!
—Soap…yes…towels…yes...coffee…yes…charging stations…no! Hey, Disney…get on that! My poor cell phone was usually dead by 5pm because I would find myself Twittering or Facebooking while I was in line waiting for rides. Wonder who I was talking to most of that time…hmmmmm…*looks around*
Stare at awesome while you figure out how to un-knot all those towels.
2.
Did you get anything cool put on the back of a mouse-ears hat? The smiling vendors on Main Street in Magic Kingdom said it was against policy to print: “#Guns, Hookers, Fire Trucks” on mine. It was a complete buzzkill – and I think it might have violated my bill or constitutional or whatever that’s called.
Don’t tread on me and piss off jetpack-kite riding Wolverine-claws Ben Franklin fighting Zeus, yo!
—You know what? I completely didn’t even think to get myself a set of ears!!!! I looked at them every time we saw them, because, why the heck not, right? They are cute and it is DISNEY WORLD!!! I was mostly looking for the kidlet because we were getting her a pair with her name on them (by the way, she decided to get “Cheshire cat” ears with her name on the butt under the tail…ha ha ha!!!). I really should have gotten a pair of traditional black ones with my name on the back…or something cooler like my new self-given nickname “The Book Hipster”. Of course, what would I do with them? It isn’t like I can just wear them to the grocery store, or out to dinner on a date night…or can I?
Mickey Mouse is real!?!
3.
Your daughter, Jillian, will probably become one-day internet-famous for her Youtube video of when you broke the surprise that you were taking her to Disney – and her sort of blah reaction to it all. Did she ever get excited about the whole thing and sort of Tosh.0 web-redeem herself.
—Good Lord…that video!!! I mean, I wasn’t expecting cartwheels or mass hysterical screaming and jumping up and down…sheesh! SOMETHING would have been nice!!! Actually she was excited about going, and while there is no Tosh.O web-redeeming video out there, she talked and talked and talked about the trip beforehand once she realized we really were going there. The lack of excitement in the video is because I told her there was a “gift” we were giving her to announce where we were going on vacation. She automatically figured we bought her a toy…not a shirt. :-\ For the record, she didn’t get a shirt on vacation either. I wanted a couple shirts we saw for her, but none of them were in my size. I think this video will be shown to all her future suitors…I’m so evil!
She totally changed her mind on the plane. They start tossing books and packages of peanuts at you then you’re suddenly down for whatever.
4.
Who gave you the strangest look when you pulled out your copy of Billy Purgatory to have you picture snapped with it at Disney World? Mickey Mouse seemed pretty cool with it…
Stephanie and Mickey – present timeline.
…but Belle from Beauty and the Beast seemed to freak a little – like it was a copy of Dianetics.
It’s a book, lady. I thought you lived in olden times before Kindle.
That’s more like it. Now you’re eligible for your SAG card.
Did you ever run into Princess Jasmine? – cause she’s way into me and she’d have been down.
Dear Disney, I love you – I saw the Avengers 8 times. Please don’t sue me. All I have is a moonshine still and my Lion King collectible Hardees glasses.
—Um…I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention to others if I was trying to take a fun picture of Billy Purgatory. The first time I asked to get it taken with a character (Mickey was the 1st!), I felt weird asking, but he seemed ok with it. I didn’t want to be in the pictures too, but my husband wouldn’t take the pictures for me on his phone(my phone was DEAD at that point, I think…or maybe close to it) without me being in the picture, so I got to hang out with Billy every time. *giggle* Belle actually was excited about the book! She is the ULTIMATE bookworm and asked me what the book was about. The shocked face she gave was because I told her the book was about “Zombies, Vampires, Devil Birds, and a kick ass skateboarder”. I don’t think it was something she was expecting…ha! A couple of the Disney workers (non-character) at the Princess exhibit were asking me all sorts of questions about the book and the author and how I knew him and one even wrote down the name of the book. Had it been our last day there, I would have given her my copy figuring, I kind of know the author and could get another. Oh, and we didn’t get to meet Jasmine. I saw her from a distance, but didn’t get close enough. Sorry.
Cinderella digs motorcycles on fire.
5.
What was the most fun ride? What’s up with nobody wanting to ride the Tower of Terror? That thing is boss!
—The most fun ride? Um…well…it is kind of a tie between an actual ride and a non-ride ride…did you catch that? Ride…The Tea Cups! Duh! We rode it two times and spun our little hearts out as a family laughing and squealing in delight. Yes, I squealed in delight, ok? What of it? Non-ride ride…Mickey’s PhilharMagic!
She’s right – this was a pretty awesome 3D movie!
It is a “3D, you sit in a theater and watch a movie” ride. We did this one twice too, although, I could have done it a million and one times and never gotten sick of it…ever! That is cause I love music…and Disney music on top of that is just the cherry on the banana split! I love me some Disney music! That probably hurts my “tough girl” rep, huh? Oh well…
Much badassary is contained within!
—Stop pestering me about that Tower of Terror ride already!!! I haven’t been on a true coaster in 4-ish years. The last time I was, I almost got sick (thank you Six Flags!)…this one looked so scary to me there was no way I was going on it alone. My husband doesn’t do coasters…at all. Getting him on a couple rides at Disney was a surprise to me and I’m so proud of him! Anyway, um, the day before, the kidlet kept saying she wanted to go on the Tower of Terror, but I had to go too. Fine. I’ll do it…for my baby girl. If I die on it, at least she’ll be happy, right? Well, as we were driving towards Hollywood Studios we pointed out the building to her. She immediately changed her mind…ha!!! I’ll go on it…maybe…just not by myself…so, when are you taking me to Disney?
“It’s a Small World, Billy Purgatory” coming this Fall on the CW.
6.
Do you think that the call-box in Epcot’s Britain Pavilion should be painted blue?
This is like one of those pictures where there’s a sailboat hidden in it – you have to squint real hard to notice anything but Amy Pond.
—Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A million and one times…yes!
7.
Did you see anyone else promoting books while you were there? I heard that Anne Rice hangs out in front of the Teacups sometimes and tries to talk to people about vampires. I also heard that the 50 Shades of Grey lady wrote all that book on the back of cocktail napkins riding the Lime-Green Monorail around in circles.
—I think I was the only weirdo, er, I mean completely normal person there promoting a book. If there was anyone else, they were staying off my turf that day! Smart people! We were at the teacups both Wednesday and Thursday and I didn’t see that Rice woman. She better watch it…Lestat isn’t going to save her there! As for the 50 Shades of Grey lady…I’d probably smack her inner goddess upside the head for saying “inner goddess” too many times in her book!
8.
Now that you’re back to Chicago and off vacation, are you already making plans about where you’d like to take Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five? I’d like to see him go to maybe the Grand Canyon, or that park where people see bears and that volcano shoots steam into the air, or maybe a Shriner’s convention.
—Oh no! I set a precedent, didn’t I? Ok, well…um…are you paying for this trip? Cause then, I’d like to take him to Paris. If not, I’m not sure. I’m not really planning trips any time soon. If there was a Con or something soon that I was planning on attending, I’d totally take him there! I’d take him to work with me, but I’m sure he’d cause all sorts of mischief. Maybe you should talk to Steven Luna about the Grand Canyon…
Nobody’s letting Luna anywhere near the Grand Canyon.
9.
Do you have any advice for all the moms and dads out there who are planning a trip to Disney? What should they expect, what kinda secrets did you learn?
—Gorsh *said in best Goofy voice*…there is so much that I can think of right now, but first and foremost…DO NOT GO IN JUNE, JULY OR AUGUST!!! Ha ha ha!!! I’m only kind of kidding…It was way too warm and Jillian whined almost the whole time that she was too hot. It was very grating on my patience as I was also so stinking hot and gross feeling.
On his way to the Little Finger Dance Party.
—Pack ponchos! It rained 3 of the 4 nights we were there. The first night, we got soaked to the tips of our toes. The 2nd day, we were able to get the ponchos on asap and not get hit too badly.
Fullers meeting Donald Duck!
—Take advantage of the “FAST PASS”. Some of those rides have more than an hour wait…if you can fast pass it, your wait could be a lot less! —Meal plans! If you are doing a package, make sure you do a meal plan. It will save you a ton of money! Also, if you are looking to go, but want to save some cash, DON’T do the expensive resorts! We stayed at the All-Star Movies Resort and while it wasn’t much more than a glorified Holiday Inn, it was all we needed as we barely spent time in our room outside of sleeping and showering. Promise!
Disney World will style out you in the lap of luxury, oh lover of the life of leisure!
—Finally a plug for a friend—if you don’t know where to begin when planning your own Disney vacation…email my friend Treena( treena@mousecounselors.com )she is what you call a “Mouse Counselor” and will help you plan your Disney vacation at no charge! She helped us, even though we were about 90% done with our own planning…but she can help you in so many ways (even if it is just other tips and schedules!) to make your trip go smoother…trust me!!! Well worth talking to her!
The Walt Disney World resort offers fancy dining and comfortable chairs (notice the plugs, Disney – again – don’t sue me).
10.
This is not a question – it’s just a funny picture of you when you were 14 going to Disney.
Stephanie Fuller at 14, before being snatched up by the Time Zombie and transported to present day. Yes, she is wearing neon socks.
Do you think this trip would have been more awesome if you’d have had Billy Purgatory to take with you back then? Or was the 80′s hair so awesome that you didn’t need to walk around with a cool book?
—Oh no…the picture! I don’t know why I ever posted that thing…ha ha ha!!! Ah, 14 year old me…I hate to tell you this, but…um…that wasn’t the 80′s. It was 1994. Feel old, now? Sorry. *blows kiss* Also…my hair was not THAT big!!! Back on track…um…I would not have been brave enough back then to try and get pictures taken with Billy Purgatory and Mickey (or in front of rides, castles, etc). I remember being super shy about just asking for that specific picture. However, I would have been a fan of the book if it had been out then. At that point I had already been reading Stephen King stuff for a couple years, so I was all about strange and unusual books.
So many amazing things to do and see – sometimes it’s so much fun it becomes overwhelming and you have to chill on a bench and get your drink on. Disney gives you those cups – that’s the kinda awesome company they are (are you listening Disney – no lawsuits).
11.
Did Billy Purgatory cause any trouble in the airport TSA line? He usually sets the badassary-scanners off?
—No, he was behaved. Probably worn out like the rest of us. And his travel companion, Jillian, wasn’t feeling well on the way home, and due to her…um…issues, we were given special privileges in passing through the line quicker. So, he got to skip the huge line with us and run through the scanners/metal detectors. Bonus!
The Fullers are awesome!
Thanks to Stephanie, Matt, and Jillian for being so awesome. I’m digging they had a rockin’ and well deserved vacation with The Mouse!
The following is a list of people and/or companies that should not under any circumstances sue me: Disney, Princess Jasmine, The CW Network, whatever Airline that was, Anne Rice, the cast of Twilight, the Fifty Shades of Grey lady (loved your book), 50 Cent, the Fraternal Order of Moonshiners, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia & FX, Amy Pond, Benjamin Franklin, Zeus, Coca-Cola, whoever made that chair at the Polynesian, and Steven Luna.
FYI Disney, the film rights to Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird are available. There’s a sequel coming out and I’m smelling franchise money. I live mostly off letting big Pharm test new drugs on me – so we could do this deal cheap.
Speaking of Steven Luna… *CLICK!*
This book is amazing too… *Click!*
…and it’s no secret that I love Gale Martin *click!!!*
…oh, and Amazon shouldn’t sue me either. Cause that would suck.
Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.
Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.
Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixing cars and even going to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…
Billy Purgatory Book 2 is coming soon! So, read this one and be ready – because I can’t call everyone on the phone and explain to them what they missed. Or, I guess I could…
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
When I picked “Alive & Kicking” as the title for this post – it wasn’t so much The Breakfast Club that I was going for – although I kinda did just have a good time Google’ing pictures from the movie and trying to decide if Molly Ringwald was hotter than Ally Sheedy.
Definitely a more interesting prom date.
I really picked the phrase because to me, having been lucky enough to have already read Scars From A Memoir, that’s what the book, released today by author Marni Mann, is about. It’s about being alive and kicking. Goodness gracious me (yes, I’m suddenly your grandmother) all of the things that happen to poor Nicole in Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales. You’d think that girl wouldn’t have made it out of that book alive – but turns out she did. A good portion of the sequel deals with her putting the jig-saw puzzle that has become her psyche back together from some seriously tragic, begging Dr. Phil for some help before you end up on Nancy Grace, adventures.
Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales, the first book in the series from Booktrope.
Nicole had some awful things happen to her – but she also did a lot of awful things – and yet, I like her. Why is this and how could I (or you) find a heroin-addict turned recovering heroin-addict a sympathetic and likable character? Because at her most tragic, at her most vulnerable, at her most ‘oh yeah, society just needs to write her off and collect the insurance money’ worst – Nicole never loses her heart. She at times loses her spirit, her ambition, and her will – but she never loses that sense of commitment to herself that she’s a fighter, that she can be better, that even though she’s done wrong in the world and to others that there’s hope somewhere down there buried under years of addiction and abuse. She loses focus, and greater sense of purpose in phases of her story – but there remains a compassionate streak within her which is impossible to easily co-exist if you try and paint her with the labels most commonly attributed to addicts.
She retains a caring and nurturing nature towards others even when, and especially when, so many have done her wrong. This desire to persevere and to make things better not only for herself, but for others, can find no place to grow roots in a truly narcissistic individual. There’s no room for it within you if you’ve sold your soul and truly filled the chasm left behind full of bitterness, remorse, and anger.
Even in the full grip of the high, and the shaking-sickness which clings to Nicole like a demon-twin, she never fully allows all that is her to be fully washed away.
Ultimately, the person Nicole has hurt the most is herself – this is also the person she has the most trouble offering that compassion, forgiveness, and heart to. It’s a story of a quest to achieve bliss in the most classical settings and tones of those types of myths. Our hero has to vanquish a very unique dragon this time – and the princess in the tower is scarred, has been singed nearly beyond recognition by the fire, and is by no means pure.
That doesn’t mean she’s not worthy of redemption, nor does it mean that if she’s able to strip the horror from herself that the heart within isn’t still beating strong.
Alive & kicking.
I highly recommend these books – and if we’re talking ‘how many stars’ put as many gold ones on them as you got…
Click!
…and Click more if you haven’t yet read!
A New Englander at heart, Marni Mann, now a Floridian is inspired by the sandy beaches and hot pink sunsets of Sarasota. A writer of literary fiction, she taps a mainstream appeal and shakes worldwide taboos, taking her readers on a dark, harrowing, and gritty journey. When she’s not nose deep in her laptop, she’s scouring for chocolate, traveling, reading, or walking her four-legged children. Scars from a Memoir is her second book, a sequel to the highly regarded Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales: A Story of Addiction. You can follow Ms. Mann on her author website at marnismann.com.
No lobsters were harmed in the composing of this blog post!
Time Zombie says Click!
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
I love comics. That’s probably not hard to figure out considering Billy Purgatory and the kinda stuff that I post on here all the time – I guess you can call me a comic-geek or whatever, I’ve never been offended by the terminology. If you gotta drop me into a category as something, I’d rather it be that then names that my ex’s have for me or something like, “He really drinks a lot of Mt. Dew. He’s a Dewist.”
As much as I love comics, I do not even come close to the level of immense-fandomosity that Frank A. Diaz has achieved in his lifetime.
A fixture of the comics scene online and all-about town in his native Miami – Frank lives the dream. Being an amazing artist himself, nothing gets Frank as excited like great comic book art and artists. He’s all into story too, but it’s the art that really sparks up his Light-Brite.
For those of you who aren’t so into comics – there’s a place in every comic book store in America that aficionados like us love to mine like a bunch’a Dwarves singing Hi-Ho – the treasure chest which is The Discount Bin:
In anticipation of the upcoming Billy2, Billy Purgatory is .99 on Amazon – so, “You could got that shit in a discount bin!” Click!
Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.
Here’s some straight up razz-ma-tazz info you need to know about author Bharti Kirchner that I lifted like a jewel thief straight off her website:
Bharti Kirchner is the prolific author of nine books — five novels and four cookbooks. Her fifth, a mystery novel Tulip Season: A Mitra Basu Mystery is now out. (“Engrossing,” says the Seattle Times.) Her work has been translated into German, Dutch, Spanish, Marathi, Thai and other languages. Her fourth novelPastries: A Novel of Desserts and Discoveries (St. Martin’s Press) was selected for the Summer Washington Reads program. Darjeeling (St. Martin’s Press), a third novel, received endorsements from top national authors. Shiva Dancing (Dutton), her first novel, was chosen by Seattle Weekly to be among the top 18 books by Seattle authors in the last 25 years. (“A finely crafted novel,” says Publisher’s Weekly. “A fresh literary terrain,” says San Francisco Chronicle.)Sharmila’s Book, a second novel, was published by Dutton. (“Smart, swift, and funny,” says Publisher’s Weekly.)
Bharti Kirchner: book writer, badass, expert on tulips trying to kill you.
AWARDS & HONORS – Bharti has won a City Artist’s Project Grant, a 4-Culture literature award, two Seattle Arts Commission literature grants, and two Artist Trust GAP grants. She has won a fellowship from VCCA (Virginia center for the Creative Arts). She has been honored as a Living Pioneer Asian American Author.
If you’re not already impressed you might need to ask yourself if you really understand what it means to know about impressive stuff. She’s done more stuff in those two paragraphs than I’ve done in this life and that previous life where I hung out with Shirley MacLaine and Rasputin. That’s saying a lot too, cause Rasputin knew how to bring the party and we rocked the Czar-Rave hard.
Now, prepare yourself to get more of your mind blown as Bharti Kirchner travels to a place that she probably never thought she’d ever travel (and her Book Manager should have warned her about ahead of time) and she answers
11 Questions of Badassary!
1. Your book is called Tulip Season, which sounds safe enough – like, I didn’t lock my Kindle in the cellar or anything because I thought it would e-ink stab me to death when I’ve had 3 too many martinis and 2 too many shots of Nyquil.
But I see BLOOD and I sense something sinister is afoot. Please explain in a non-spoiler, yet captivating way.
BK: The cover image shows the contrasts inherent in the book. As the book opens, we see Mitra Basu, a shy young Seattle garden designer who loves to take care of her beloved yellow tulips. Little does she know that her garden is about to get clouded over. The blood, not too much of it in the book, is like tears that’ll spill out of her.
I tried to tell y’all tulips can look sinister! Bharti lures you in with pretty flowers and then the blood starts flying.
2.
So, are tulips really trying to kill us? Because two weeks ago it was bath salts and last week it was Snooki & J-Wows new show on MTV.What sorts of normal everyday things do you see out in the real world and it makes the wheels in your head lock into 4-wheel drive “Oh, that could sneak up on someone in one of my books and they’d never suspect it!”?
Are puppies plotting to kill us?
“Just keep acting cute and then let slip us on their ankles.”
Care Bears?
The Tyler Durden inserted frame that made a whole generation of movie-goers lose their shit.
Gum? Cause I will straight up quit inviting gum to plot my downfall in my own mouth!
If this chick isn’t mind controlled into pod-village then I don’t know who is.
BK: Not to worry. Tulips are lovely gentle flowers that open their hearts to people. In my book, they become a symbol of friendship, both a dying one, as well as a new one about to blossom.
A favorite childhood book of mine was Alexandre Dumas’ The Black Tulip. Ever since, tulips have fascinated me. Although the stories are nothing similar, I must have gotten the idea of putting tulips as a character in a book from Dumas.
3.
Does love/romance gone wrong always need to factor into the perfect thriller/who-the-hell-did-it? Are we obsesed with the notion that those we trust the most might be out to get us when our guard is down? Or, have I been watching too many made-for-Lifetime-movies/episodes of Ancient Aliens?
BK: You’re watching life, I think! I can’t speak for other crime writers, but in mine you get a balance of the good and the scary stuff. Examples of good: An adopted grandmother who goes out of her way to help Mitra, a community who gathers together for the same reason, a mother who usually stays home and reads books ventures out to look for clues. If I were to use a Mitra metaphor, I’d say the scary stuff eventually gets composted.
“The vast-mustache call is coming from INSIDE THE HOUSE, Julia Roberts!”
4.
I obviously cut/pasted this off the Tulip Season Amazon page (maybe I shouldn’t have given that away? Maybe I’d have looked like I had mind-powers?):
Kareena Sinha, an Indian-American domestic-violence counselor, disappears from her Seattle home. When the police dismiss suspicions that she herself was a victim of spousal abuse, her best friend, Mitra Basu, a young landscape designer, resolves to find her. Mitra’s search reveals glimpses of a secret life involving her friend and a Bollywood actor of ill repute. Following the trail, Mitra is lured back to India where she uncovers the actor’s ties to the Mumbai underworld and his financial difficulties – landing her in a web of life-threatening intrigue where Mitra can’t be sure of Kareena’s safety or her own. That sounds bang-a-rang awesome right there! What gave you the idea of going all international with this mystery tome and incorporating elements like Bollywood, the Mumbai underworld, and Tulips?
BK: In a writer’s head, many disparate elements come together to make a story. Where do these elements come from? I am not sure.
With Tulip Season, as with my other novels, the story developed a sentence at a time. I don’t outline. I always wonder what’s next. I don’t consciously think it all out before getting started. I dive right in, then float up and gasp for air. That for me is the thrill and fear of writing a novel.
5. I have seen a huge surge of Indian themes, fashion, film all hitting the pop-culture radar lately. Do you see that too? If so, what do you think American culture stands to gain the most by learning about Indian culture?
Put this in your Mouse Ears and smoke it, High School Musical!
BK: I certainly see that. I could name many possible influences, but will choose a highly visible aspect of Indian culture: the use of color. You are dazzled by the colorful clothing women wear, which look like candle flames.
Okay, Google is distracting me a little bit…
A cow gets its horns painted. The houses are pastel, with brightly hued windows. There’s even a festival called Holi or spring festival which celebrates the vibrant colors of spring.
I’m sorry, what was that?
On that day, people smear their faces with color and spray each other with colored water. You don’t wear your nice clothes that day! You just have fun.
Books. You’re a serious interviewer and you’re talking to Bharti about books.
6.
I heard you’re a badass when it comes to getting your recipe on! Did this love of food and wanting to get other foodies on board sort of drive your career shift from the technology sector to become an author?
BK: That’s precisely what happened. You have to really love food to make that kind of a drastic transition, and I did. (I loved to cook.) That doesn’t mean consuming huge quantities of food. It is rather the idea of food, seeing food through many lenses, and wanting to share that experience with others.
I don’t write that much about food any more, only occasional essays. Novels and magazine articles take up my time.
7.
Was Scooby-Doo a good detective? Or was he just high all the time and he bumped into right stuff every episode so the secret door would unlock or the obvious crate of stolen diamonds would have the tarp knocked off it so everyone could go, “Scooby found the obvious crate of diamonds!”
BK: Nobuo Yoshihama, the detective in Tulip Season, does the routine job of investigation. (Some of my women readers seem to like him, regardless.) But it’s the amateur sleuth, Mitra, who finds the “crate of diamond.” She doesn’t bump into the right stuff all the time. All too often she steps into the snake’s pit. She gets out somehow.
I don’t get it.
8.
In Tulip Season you set up: A Mitra Basu Mystery. So, I’m guessing that there are gonna be more of these mysteries? Did you find it difficult to plot out a mystery story and did it involve intense outlining? Is there a greater story-arc that spans across the books and how far do have all this mapped out? (in your head counts, too)
BK: I didn’t plan for it to be a series, but lots of readers are asking. We’ll see if I go that route.
A mystery being fast-paced, I found the plotting to be different from that of a mainstream novel. More actions, more often, connected like a chain, for example. Then, too, all character actions have to have credible motivation behind them. Mystery readers demand that. As I have mentioned below I don’t outline. So it was a bit of juggling act to keep all of these crucial elements in balance.
I don’t have a big story-arc all worked out yet (for the same reason I don’t outline). I do, however, see a tremendous amount of personal growth for Mitra in the course of this possible series.
9. What’s some badass stuff that we should know about Tulip Season that we haven’t already covered?
BK: Readers generally don’t get excited about the prose of a mystery novel. They don’t pick out their favorite sentence, go back and reread some passages, underline their Kindle. To my surprise, a number of my readers have done all that. They email me, commenting on the lyrical quality of the book, which they say is one of its pleasures.
10.
You’d kick my ass if we played CLUE, huh?
BK: Clues? No! One of my early readers was a mystery writer who told me he couldn’t have predicted the ending. There are plenty of clues, but also many twists and turns that can keep a reader misdirected.
Is this one of those Tim Burton movies? Where the hell is Ed Wood?
11.
Bharti Kirchner, if you were suddenly president of the world what’s some of the kick-ass stuff that you’d do right away to get this old world spinning full-speed ahead?
Giraffe’s aren’t trying to kill me, are they?
BK: There shall be no war.
I recall an old bumper sticker that said: Suppose they gave a war and nobody came. I wish we could be there.
#word
I’d like to sincerely thank Bharti for agreeing to let me interview her. She’s a fantastic and prolific writer and I now have a new someone to aspire to be more like!
How can you not CLICK on this picture now? Do it.
A missing domestic-violence counselor. A wealthy and callous husband. A dangerous romance.
Kareena Sinha, an Indian-American domestic-violence counselor, disappears from her Seattle home. When the police dismiss suspicions that she herself was a victim of spousal abuse, her best friend, Mitra Basu, a young landscape designer, resolves to find her.
Mitra’s search reveals glimpses of a secret life involving her friend and a Bollywood actor of ill repute. Following the trail, Mitra is lured back to India where she uncovers the actor’s ties to the Mumbai underworld and his financial difficulties – landing her in a web of life-threatening intrigue where Mitra can’t be sure of Kareena’s safety or her own. “Mitra is gunpowder chutney to the mystery genre, her adventures a hot refreshing blast of sumptuous storytelling. Bharti Kirchner has once again conquered another literary field. Highly Addictive.” — Skye Moody, Author of the mystery novel Three Bags Full
“Tulip Season is an evocative taste of Seattle’s darker side.” — Cara Black, Author of the mystery novel Murder at the Lanterne Rouge
“A multi-layered mystery, Tulip Season is carefully crafted.” — Curt Colbert, Co-author of the upcoming mystery novel Dial ‘C’ for Chihuahua
CLICK for Time Zombie Transportation!
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
This week America has once again shown it is all about celebrating freedom + there was getting drunk, and setting off tons of fireworks, and my Uncle Jebediah got incarcerated again for running an illegal chupacabra smuggling operation. In his defense, there’s not really a legal one. Until such time as calmer heads prevail in Washington I’m sure he’ll remain a chronic recidivist, or in his words, “A political prisoner due to the oppressive forces of the Illuminati and the soft-serve yogurt industry.”
You loose your job at Dairy Queen and start smuggling chupacabras to try and support three ex-wives it tends to put you at ideological odds with the principals our country was founded upon – and the inherent need for processed yogurt with crushed up Jolly Ranchers sprinkled atop it.
I guess my point is that a person’s word should be their bond. A bet’s a bet.
Stephanie Fuller has become a friend of mine over the past few weeks due to… Well, I’ll let her tell the strange circumstances as she answers
11 Questions of Badassary! The Reaching Out To Readers Edition!
Stephanie Fuller aka @ImaFuller aka Pop-Culture Goddess aka She Read My Book So She’s Fucking Awesome!
1.
You describe yourself on Twitter as follows: Married, Mom, and Geek at heart. I’m into books, TV, movies and crafty things (crochet and scrapbook/card making). That is me in a nutshell. I’m pretty cool.
Please rattle off some of your geek credentials in the field of books, TV, and movies. We’ll save the crocheting and scrapbooking so you’ll have questions to answer when Martha Stewart’s blog comes a’callin’
-Wait…you’re NOT Martha Stewart???? No, ok…um…I feel so put on the spot…gah! Well, movies and TV…I’ll watch pretty much anything. If it sounds interesting, I’m game. If I have the time. Geeky stuff? I’ve watched all the Star Trek movies…and pretty much all the TV episodes. Also all the Star Wars movies (yes, all 6…Ewan McGregor is in 3 of those…hot damn!). I’ve watched many of the “super hero” movies…Batman, Superman, Spider-man, Iron Man (I apparently like to watch the men…he he he) and went to the theater for the latest Avenger movie.
There was an ass-kicking woman in the Avenger’s too you know? Oh right, you were staring at Loki.
I like lots of pop culture movies and tv too. I rattle off random quotes from movies/tv too. Is that geeky? Oh and I LOVE Doctor Who!!! And Sherlock, both the BBC series and the Robert Downey Jr movies.
Guy in the back in the blue shirt, “I can’t believe I’m getting paid right now to lean against this railing and stare at Black Widow in a rubber outfit.” Try to come up with a better caption than mine and I’ll send you a free Kindle copy of Billy Purgatory if you make me laugh! Put it in the comments below.
And Merlin (another BBC show!) Books…um…well, I don’t think I’m very geeky there. Most of the stuff I read are recommendations from friends or the occasional one that I saw on The Colbert Report. If I don’t like a book, I will not finish it. That is why I base my choices on recommendations. I read everything from John Grisham, Stephen King to um…well, a certain book w/a certain number of shades. Yes…I read it!!! Did that answer your question?
2.
Can you describe how we met on Twitter, and the wager, of Game of Thrones epicosity, that was constructed between you and I?
-Well. I met you as a “friend of a friend of a friend” on Twitter. Basically, a certain person *cough*StevenLuna*cough* is always throwing books my way to read.
Surprisingly before now, I hadn’t picked Billy Purgatory up. Probably because it didn’t seem like something I’d like even though I have no idea why I thought that. Anyway…so, he brings you into the conversation. Words are exchanged and you end up promising me that if I buy your book and I DON’T like it, you’ll give me my dollar back. I really was kidding around with you, but then…THEN…you said that if I DIDN’T like Billy Purgatory, you’d buy me a PIZZA! I bought it right then and there!
3.
So you bought Billy Purgatory, and yet, you had Teriyaki Chicken for lunch the next day according to your Twitter feed. Were you trying to trick me, and in essence, the internet with your bold, yet confusing, choices?
-For the record, it wasn’t the next day. I bought the book on Tuesday (June 26th). The Teriyaki Chicken (and fried rice) was Wednesday (July 4th). I don’t play by the rules, so you’ll never understand my choices in food and what they really mean. Mwhahahaha! That Teriyaki Chicken was amazing though. *drool*
Oh, sorry I was off by a few days. Now tell me, what did I have for lunch yesterday? Cause I’m guessing you might have sources to clue you in.
4.
Do you think that people should still handle our differences by challenging one another to duels?
-That would be so awesome. Just not with real guns/bullets. Cause then people would be dueling over stupid shit like “She said my ass looked fat in this dress!”. Or “Hey, that was my parking spot, didn’t you see my turn signal from two isles over???” And then they’d be dead. Maybe water guns instead??? You aren’t planning on challenging me to a duel are you? If so, I change my answer. I’m too chicken for a duel.
If we start dueling again, I vote for the Sanjuro-stand-off!
5.
This is your “I’m a mom” question: Waterparks. WTF?
- As a child that didn’t have a pool growing up, the rare visit to the water park was the coolest thing ever!!! As a mom…I see it as a cesspool of germs, annoying people you don’t know, nor want to know and panic attacks when your child isn’t immediately within sight. Also, I hate being in public wearing a swimsuit.
Even creepier when they’re abandoned and all the kids have grown up and become restless and haunted young adults IE characters in a Marni Mann book.
6.
At one point, we were neck and neck in our battle for free pizza. Do you think you showed your hand too soon by revealing online that your ringtone is the Dr. Who Theme?
-Nah. If you go to my Twitter homepage, my wallpaper is covered in the TARDIS. Go check…I’ll wait. *whistles* It was never a secret that I love myself a Time Lord. Also, It is Doctor Who…not Dr. Who.
7.
Are you ready to publically make peace with Amy Pond? Or, can you just not let it go?
-No. Never give up…never Surrender!
I don’t know what Amy Pond did that was so bad – but I’d sure as hell forgive her!
8.
Are you geeky enough to have ever gone to a “con”? And if you did/have attended a con did you dress up like a comic book character, a Star Trek character, or are you one of those ‘Magik The Gathering’ kinda gals?
-I did go to a “con” just a few months ago…my very first one! I live in a Chicago burb, so the whole family (husband, kidlet and I) went to C2E2 in Chicago. I got to meet Val Kilmer
Atari-Era Val.
and John Barrowman (Jack Harkness from Doctor Who/Torchwood) as well as a quick “Hi” with a couple cool Twitter friends I hadn’t met before.
Wait! Lazlo wasn’t there?!?
I did not dress up for C2E2. It was kind of last minute, so I didn’t even have a way to throw something together as I am lacking in the geeky clothing department. I have no idea what I’d even go dressed as…probably something Doctor Who. Any ideas for next year? I’m a girl, so it will probably have to have the word “Sexy” in the beginning, right?
Don’t even roll your eyes, y’all knew I was gonna post some shit like this.
9.
As you read Billy Purgatory, what was the tipping point for you when you realized that you weren’t gonna get free pizza delivered to your house?
-Honestly, I never planned on getting the free pizza. As hilarious of a story that would be for my future grandkids to hear, I went in fully expecting to like and/or love Billy Purgatory. My friend *cough*StevenLuna*cough* has never steered me wrong yet w/a recommendation, and I was sure this wasn’t going to be the exception. However…there was one line that got to me hook, line and sinker and I knew this was going to be the end of my free pizza no matter how much I joked about it. Chapter 17, part 2. The whole part that I LOVE is 2 paragraphs starting with “The best times are the uncertain ones and the spontaneous ones.” The first line of the 2nd paragraph “Time is what always ruins no matter what.” Holy fucking shit, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut and had the wind knocked out of me. It made me start crying. Seriously. I’m not going to tell you why, but believe me…it resonated with me and still does. And it still makes me want to go cry. Make me feel feelings. Jerk.
Art by Thomas Boatwright
10.
What kinda geeky stuff would you like to see more of in entertainment? What would you like to see a lot less of?
-More Benedict Cumberbatch!!! Although, I don’t know if Benedict Cumberbatch qualifies as geeky, does he? I mean…he IS BBC’s Sherlock…and will be in the new Star Trek movie. Yeah, I think that will work…more Cumberbatch!!!
She means this dude.
Less??? Um…well…it isn’t geeky, but less Kardashians and Reality TV!!!
Now she’s talking about this.
11.
What kind of pizza would you have ordered? Better make it a good one, cause I wasn’t springing for cheesy-bread or wings or any of that stuff. You could have had all the packets of grated cheese you wanted though – that shit’s free!
-There are so many options out there. Good ones, ok ones, terrible ones…and I live near Chicago, so Deep Dish or Stuffed is always amazing! But, I have my guilty pleasure pizza…Jets!
Was this meant to taunt me?
That stuff is so freaking greasy…and so yummy! *drool* It has to be square though. Not that round shit! With the crispy corner pieces. And I don’t even need a lot of fancy toppings…just simple pepperoni (hell throw in mushrooms too) are good enough for me.
To wash the Kardashian out of your eye-sockets!
Ok…now I know what I want for dinner tomorrow or maybe this weekend. Wait…I think I’ve changed my mind about Billy!
* * * * *
Thanks Stephanie, you’re badass!
Stephanie is a great sport for agreeing to do all this and letting me interview her.
This is the review that Stephanie wrote up for Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird:
“Billy Purgatory: I Am the Devil Bird” in one word…BADASS. You can’t see it, but both my hands are throwing up devil horns right now. It feels appropriate to do it with that word. I’m sorry…what? A one word review isn’t enough for you? Alright…fine.
This book combines all sorts of crazy and off the wall stuff all in one book. We’ve got vampires (no sparkles), zombies (not the walking kind), mythological peeps (think snakes) and one ring (er…boy) to rule them all.
Billy Purgatory isn’t your everyday kid. Not even close. Armed with his skateboard and badass (see, told you it was a great word to use to describe this book!) attitude, we start the book out with Billy’s memory as a 10 year old kid. And he meets a girl. *sigh* And just like Billy, she is nowhere near normal. And this will not be the first time they meet. *sigh*
Along the way, we learn more about Billy. The story is about him, after all. Time gets all wibbly-wobbly for me while reading this, as the author (Jesse James Freeman) has left a lot of age/place type information for your own minds to decide. I’m not complaining, though. It works. I’m just weird like that. During Billy’s life, he meets a few other people who are important to his journey. I’d go more into detail, but then you wouldn’t read it, would you?
Mr. Freemen is absolutely amazing at describing, well, everything. Amazing! So many times I felt like I was right there along with Billy. Like I could smell the zombie…hear the rain…this man is good. Real good. I found myself gasping a few times. And…he even made me cry once…or twice. Maybe. Also, he gives you the single most badass birth scene you’ll ever encounter..think “Kill Bill”…no joke!
My favorite books are the ones that keeps me up late reading, multiple nights in a row, until my eyes cannot stay open any more, trying to push through “one more chapter”. LOVE! So…if you haven’t figured it out yet…go read this book. Now. Do not pass go. Do not collect free pizza. Enjoy the badassery! Me? Now I have to wait for Billy to return…
Time Zombie says CLICK the picture!
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
People always ask me, “Jesse James, is it true that you live solely on a diet of Shiner Bock, Fruity Pebbles, and mushrooms that grow in your backyard?” I must admit, that while that diet sounds not only delicious + nutritious that you have to factor in a little more than that to your day to day routine if you’re gonna keep writing books. Writing books ain’t like dusting crops, boy – it takes all your electrolytes firing like it’s Gun Club Day at the Bunny Ranch.
I never expected to go into a career that involved so much mental stamina – I figured that I’d be dry-walling or working mall-security to earn my daily bread. Let’s face it, I look damn good tooling around a mall parking lot in a golf-cart.
I own that shit.
But since being a writer-type was thrust upon me, I had to start shake-and-bakin’ more than my money-maker. I realized that I had to get some serious props happening in the kitchen if I was gonna survive my excruciating routine of:
1) Research (ie watching Fox News on mute while drinking coffee. I’m talking to you, Jenna Lee)
2) Writing (texting Jennifer Gracen and asking her where commas go and what the hell a semi-colon is – and why you can’t just use un-semi-colons all the time? Especially now that I learned how to Tetris those two periods on top of one another)
3) Book Marketing (Tweeting with Steven Luna all day about how vampires are too damned proud to take jobs at Hot Topic, even though they were un-born for a job like that. The mall stays open late and all and seriously – who would you trust more to turn up their nose at you and give a snarly, “I know you are not thinking you’ve got the earlobes to pull off those dangling Ankh hoops, girl.”)
Christi Price and I talk about all the stuff you can slice up with a Ginsu knife too. We might quit book-marketing all together and bring that shit back like a boss!
So yeah, keeping it real means knowing your way around the kitchen!
In honor of this very patriotic holiday we’ve had mid-week this year, I made the executive decision to not spend the day building stuff with LEGOs and then blowing it up with Black Cats.
And instead, Bake a Legit-Damn Ham!
You might be asking yourself, “I wanna bake a Legit-Damn Ham too, why didn’t I think of that?” Well, because there are leaders in the ham game, and there are followers. I’m not gonna point out which of us is which because I don’t want you getting all pissed off and unfollowing my blog or starting some campaign on Twitter like I just said that Bieber doesn’t secretly wanna have your kittens.
Still, gaze upon my wonders and despair!
“What’s the recipe?” See, I’m reading your mind like I’m one of those spoon-bending psychic som’bitches (which I just might be, I haven’t finished listening to all the 18 cassette Unlock Your Mind Power And Go Giza On The World’s Ass series yet).
You will need:
A Ham, or some vegan substitute, which I guess would look a lot like a ham but it’d be made of soybeans and sprouts or something awful.
You will need a means to cook said ham. I like to use a really hot fire – and although I don’t necessarily use the full potential of my equipment (my baking equipment!), you might consider using a blow-torch or maybe a laser in case you need to get the temp up to like 10,000 degrees.
A pineapple. This is pretty self-explanatory. If they don’t have pineapples in the grocery store where you live steal one from a koala bear or some other animal that eats pineapples because we are the top of the food chain and we deserve it more than they do. Snatch it quick though, ’cause they bite and it’s really hard to type this blog post when my fingers are still bleeding.
A can of those fancy cherries. I like to hit one of those ritzy-hotel bars a day or two in advance and keep asking for extra cherries. You can smuggle them out in a cocktail napkin with all the numbers you got because you look sensitive when you’re drinking stuff with cherries in it and you tell women that you’re Bill Gates’ son Larry Balderdash Gates the III’rd. (add the III’rd part on there or the women aren’t gonna buy your story – and don’t tell them you left the jet out in the parking lot because women are way too smart to fall for that).
Put the fire to it and BOOM! #legitDamnHam
You do it right and you’ll have food for a week, can survive whatever plague is gonna kill us now that that Large Hard-On Collider found that piece of glitter or whatever it is they were looking for, and you might get your own TV show and get to hang out with…
Class dismissed!
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
Belinda Frisch is a writer you should know about, so I’m hosting her in 11 Questions of Badassary because that’s what this column is for. It’s also for me to talk about drinking, and Yetis, and Alien Invasions, but today we’re mostly gonna talk about Belinda Frisch. Isn’t it fun to do that? Say it with me: Belinda Frissssssssssccccccchhhhhhhhhhh!
I just had a Sesame Street moment, not an Electric Company one – because Electric Company was kind of a Sesame Street knock-off, but it did have weird-too-animated Spider-Man so I can’t completely write it off.
Don’t get me started on Fraggle Rock though.
When these things rise up they are gonna go straight Sleestak on our asses!
Focus…
Zen…
Random Cat Meme…
As I was saying, Belinda Frisch is awesome and she writes scary books and I dig scary books like a fat kid tumbling around in an ice cream truck during an earthquake.
Author Belinda Frisch. It’s always the quiet ones you have to worry about when it comes to the scary-books.
Belinda Frisch’s fiction has appeared in Shroud Magazine, Dabblestone Horror, and Tales of Zombie War. She is an honorable mention winner in the Writer’s Digest 76th Annual Writing Competition and the author of DEAD SPELL, CRISIS HOSPITAL, TALES FROM THE WORLD, THE WARD, AND THE BEDSIDE and CURE, the first in the Strandville Zombie Series.
With all the stuff she’s writing it makes you wonder how she has any time left to write?
Her new book is called CURE (A Strandville Zombie Novel) and I was a little dissapointed to find out it had nothing to do with Robert Smith or black lipstick, but then I started reading it and I forgot all about All These Picture of Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had a Cure moment…
Now, check this mad genius’ness’dom out:
The virus is spreading and must be contained. The center is going into lock-down. The group’s escape is threatened by a homicidal security guard and a raging storm. The town of Strandville is ground zero for the zombie apocalypse and Miranda must escape because the fate of humanity lies with her unborn child.
WTF, yes! I had just died and gone to scary zombie-incubator-Heaven!
Focus on this book! Not the cats or the other Cure. Let it hypnotize, tantalize, let it seduce you!
So, if you dare and stuff, join me as we embark on another episode of 11 Questions of Badassary!
1.
You’ve written a lot of stuff, some of it is fancy like real world sounding stuff and there were quite a few short stories and working your way towards ‘the novel’ stuff. Would you say that Dead Spell kinda started it all in regards to the author-road you’re on now? What inspired you to come up with the story for Dead Spell and tell us a little bit about it?
Nothing says “Fun for the whole family!” like razor blades and blood drops.
Dead Spell was my “debut” novel. It was a painful first, in some respects, because the main character, Harmony, is homage to a troubled teen past that I didn’t put behind me until Dead Spell was out. The story is about two best friends who, after playing with a Ouija board, are haunted by a malevolent spirit. Harmony has a terrible home life and both she and her mother are plagued by mental illness. There’s a lot going on in her world and it’s hard for her to separate what’s real, supernatural, or imagined. Of course the story is really a putting together of pieces to find out the ghost’s identity. It’s geared toward older YA and like I said, it’s a first. That being said, people who identify with Harmony’s character have really loved it. It’s niche horror, for sure.
2.
I know more female authors that write horror than I do any other genre, which to me is completely badass, what do you think is the appeal to the scary for you? I mean, is it a way of speaking about relevant issues in the world in an entertaining and exciting way, or are we all just a little screwed up in the head?
I’ll cop to being screwed up. There was a period in my life that was so unbelievably dark I can’t imagine a lot of people being where I was. Horror has always “thrilled” me. I watched scary movies as a kid, read scary books as a teen, and it’s still my favorite genre. I love how a good horror movie can have you running to your bed in the middle of the night afraid of what’s under it. The lingering effect is exhilarating.
Okay. Hmmmmm… I wonder what AJ Aalto’s excuse is then? Canada?
3. Your new book is called Cure and the book description includes this little bit of happiness: “Nixon impregnates Miranda with a zombie fetus, but her imprisonment at the center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged ex-husband, releases her and the infected on the unsuspecting hospital population.” Can you give the world any insight into what special care is involved in raising a zombie fetus into being a well-adjusted and productive member of society?
Without too much of a spoiler, the fetuses in Cure don’t make it. I’ve given a lot of thought to the latter because the sequel in progress, Afterbirth, does feature some that do and there will definitely be some tricky feeding instructions with those little suckers. Thank goodness for pointy teeth!
Is there a “Don’t Kill Mommy” Baby Einstein Video?
4. While we’re on the subject, crack an egg of knowledge on our asses about Cure and tell us how you came up with the idea and what it’s all about?
Here’s the official blurb:
Welcome to the Nixon Healing and Research Center, refuge for the indigent sick and playground for the maniacal Dr. Howard Nixon whose cancer research has him dabbling in the undead. His human-zombie breeding program is falling apart and only Miranda Penton can save it.
Miranda gave up her budding military career to marry a fellow soldier but when their first child is stillborn, it’s more tragedy than their new marriage can handle. One year later, following her painful divorce, Miranda accepts an unexpected job offer to join Nixon’s security team. Her recruitment is part of Nixon’s dark plan and she quickly becomes one of his captives.
Nixon impregnates Miranda with a zombie fetus, but her imprisonment at the center is short-lived. A rescue team led by Scott, her estranged ex-husband, releases her and the infected on the unsuspecting hospital population.
The virus is spreading and must be contained. The center is going into lock-down. The group’s escape is threatened by a homicidal security guard and a raging storm. The town of Strandville is ground zero for the zombie apocalypse and Miranda must escape because the fate of humanity lies with her unborn child.
The idea sprang from fifteen years in the medical field and a morbid curiosity about reproductive medicine. I wouldn’t have considered myself a sci-fi writer, but some are calling Cure a sci-fi/horror crossover which brings to mind the movie Splice.
Really? Cause it brings to mind this!
5.
Are zombies more fun to write than other monsters? Do you get a lot of emails from the wolfman and draculas where they bitch, like “Why you gotta write about zombies all the time? Why not work a wolfman into something? Are you more of a cat person?”
I did get an email from Edward Cullen the other day. He was babbling on about me neglecting the vampire community, but he sparkles and so I hung up. If Lestat calls, I’ll consider it. Wolfman, last I’d heard, had his phone shut off for non-payment.
“Okay Belinda, but I still like watching you sleep.”
6.
What’s the scariest thing that’s ever happened to you in real life that freaked you out more than your books freak us out?
“Scary” is individual and honestly, I have no “And then my life flashed before my eyes” stories. The scariest thing that ever happened to me was when my son and I were in a car accident and the air bag temporarily blinded him. His face was burned and swollen and there’s nothing scarier to a mother than something bed happening to her child. He healed perfectly and we’ve moved on, but I was terrified.
7.
If you had a magic book that would explain anything to you that you don’t understand, what would you have it explain? You can’t say The Kardashians.
Explain anything? I don’t think there’s a force in the universe that could answer for the Kardashians. Or Jersey Shore. As a writer, I’d love for this magic book to explain why some books succeed when so many great ones fail.
I Google’d ‘Kim Kardashian reading a book’, but sometimes you gotta go with better treasures.
8.
With the current nature of audiences being so advanced and having seen the same tropes presented over and over again, do you feel that it’s harder to scare people nowadays? Who does it right and who’s still doing it wrong?
I’m not one for pointing fingers because “right” and “wrong” are as subjective as what is and isn’t “scary”. We all have different thoughts and fears, but Joe Schreiber is one of my favorite horror writers. Eat the Dark also takes place in a hospital and Joe hails from a background in medicine as well. It’s no surprise that I enjoy his work.
9.
What movies scare you? I had to turn off John Carpenter’s Prince of Darkness as a kid because I was watching it in the middle of the night and I was like ‘Oh fuck this Alice Cooper shit’
The original Exorcist is one of the few movies that actually scares me. I think modern horror movies have gone too slasher-gory to be scary. The gross-out and shock factors mixed with heaping helpings of sex ruin the scare. The Hostel series and Saw movies are the biggest offenders. I might be desensitized.
10.
Is Cure gonna be a series and is that what the whole Afterbirth project is about? How are you gonna take the ‘Awe Hellz Nah’ to the next level?
Cure is the first in the Strandville Zombie Series. It stands-alone as an escape horror novel, but I think leads nicely into Afterbirth, its sequel. Cure is pre-apocalyptic and while I might have gone too far with it, Afterbirth will go even farther. For some reason, Cure’s unsettled some people (in a good way) with the infant experimentation. Afterbirth takes place in post-apocalyptic Strandville where the hybrids are more important than ever to humanity’s survival. The remaining characters from Cure will be facing old enemies and new grudges and will be more desperate and cut-throat than ever with the town gone savage.
Hopefully this off-sets all the fetus-experimenting and zombie Fisher-Price we just talked about above. Weebles Wobble everybody, we’re gonna make it through the zombie apocalypse.
11.
You find yourself in a park just outside the city where you are spending the afternoon communing with nature and contemplating the green of the grass and the blue of the sky. You consider that perhaps you have fallen into some strange mirror universe where the squirrels are plotting against mankind and you are the only person who might be able to talk some sense into them before their evil plan unfurls. Would you use diplomacy and talk reason or is it open season on the squirrel cabal?
I’m afraid the z-poc side of me says that logic and reason doesn’t work with extremist squirrels or zombies. Hand me the shotgun and get out of the way. It’s open season.
11 Questions of Badassary would like to thank Belinda Frisch for graciously answering our questions!
Now buy it! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat….?
Click it!
This one will scare the crows right out’ta grandma’s weed patch too!
Click it!
Make it rain!
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.
Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.
I think this video will be shown to all her future suitors…I’m so evil!
Oh, and we didn’t get to meet Jasmine. I saw her from a distance, but didn’t get close enough. Sorry.
