11 Questions of Badassary w/ Yeti-Hunter/Writer Rob Pruneda

Almost two years ago (which is an eternity in internet-time, it makes me feel like one of those old Jedi Knights — but not Yoda. Probably like one of the other weird alien looking ones — like a scary badass Pikachu) I met author Robert Pruneda on Twitter. That was our hang-out spot, like that diner where Opie used to hang out with John Travolta from Grease.

Which reminds me…

I haven’t forgotten, baby. I’ll never forget you.

…what was I talking about?

Oh, Rob is super-cool and he has a new book out called The Devil’s Nightmare (but forget I said that part so you’ll be surprised later when I bring it up in a question) and I asked if he would give up the straight-dope about some important topics that are currently shaping our world … like yetis.

Robert Pruneda is @SharkbaitWrites on Twitter so I call him Sharky, because he already came up with that and I’m lazy with nicknames.

Robert “Sharky” Pruneda

So prepareth now as we being the ritual known as:

11 Questions of Badassary!

1.  So reading and drawing your own comics was a part of your earliest creative processes – it was for me too. I was in one of those hippie creative-artsy classes and when we got done early with our workbook nonsense we got to raid the art supply closet. The comics were pretty bad, we’d grid out manila paper and draw Indiana Jones, but he’d be like a bug. Those big Mayan temples were kinda ant hills too.

How important was that for you in setting you down the path toward telling stories?

My brother was actually a big inspiration for me early on when I was a mere Halfling drawing comic books. He created comics himself and also took a stab at writing short stories based on his favorite Dungeons & Dragons character Silhouette, a ninja assassin. My brother was a bit of a role model for me back in the day, so naturally I tried to follow in his footsteps and began creating my own stories. I would sit in the living room with The Flinstones playing on the tube and my map pencils, #2 pencil, and Elmer’s glue at the ready, all which were essential tools for a budding self-publisher. My first self-published work was Katie vs. the Ameoba (yes, it’s spelled wrong, but I was a kid, okay). J Think giant snake vs. a mutated version of Godzilla with six clawed tentacles. I’m still waiting for Universal Studios to contact me about the movie adaptation.

Hot.

Hotter!

2.   Then what did those earliest creations morph into? When did you get it into your head that wanted to become serious about being a writer and how did you approach it?

After my brother joined the Marine Corps and fought in Operation Desert Storm, I began drawing my next comic titled, The Marines. I know, catchy title . . . and original too! As I grew up for one reason or another the creative mind took a back seat to video games, school, and thinking about what I wanted to do for a living. It wasn’t until many years later during a dry spell in the employment arena that I started thinking about telling stories through writing again. It was always on the back of my mind, but when I was unemployed I had a lot of time on my hands. It was then that I decided that I was going to stop thinking about writing a novel and just do it. That’s when Pursuit of a Dream was born. Fast forward to my career as a newspaper dude and the age of e-readers and you have the formula for a novelist in the making. Being around journalists all day and in the publishing environment day in and day out really sparked my interest in publishing. After nearly seven years with the newspaper as an obituaries coordinator and advertising rep, and some major differences of opinions with new management, I parted ways and decided to pursue my dream of working from home and writing novels. I took a huge risk in doing so, but I think it was the best decision of my life, and I’m enjoying every moment of it.

3.   How difficult was the process of making your first book Pursuit of a Dream a reality and not like a dream anymore (see what I did there?). Why did you decide to go indie and not seek out a traditional publisher? While we’re on the topic, tell us about the book and how you feel the story has resonated with your readers?

FREE for Kindle (clicky!)

Ha! Clever move, my friend.

When I published Pursuit of a Dream I knew absolutely nothing about the process of getting a book into print aside from what I had read in Writer’s Digest magazine. It was through that magazine that I responded to an ad from AuthorHouse (I know, I know). I had no intention of sharing this book with the world at the time. I just wanted to write the story and get it in print as a personal goal. I ended up paying this vanity press around $800 by the time it was all done. In hindsight it was a waste of money, but at the time I felt it was worth it when I held the book in my hands. I think any author can relate to that feeling of holding your first printed book in your hands. My debut novel has since been revised and self-published for Kindle, Nook, Kobo and Smashwords.

Pursuit of a Dream follows the story of a kid with a dream of becoming a professional stock car driver. While the story does involve racing, as I am a fan of NASCAR, I feel it resonates to readers who may not be racing fans also because the story is much more than just motor sports. In a way it’s kind of my own story of pursuing my own dreams of working for myself and writing for a living. Most people who have read Pursuit of a Dream have told me that they have enjoyed it and since I never wrote the book for profit anyway, I gave what little royalties I made away at one time to a campaign to help a fellow author’s son who was fighting Leukemia. Pursuit of a Dream is now free on Kindle, Kobo, and Smashwords. Over 1,200 readers have downloaded Pursuit of a Dream since I began giving it away in January.

I’ve always considered trekking down the traditional route, but I feel the flexibility and having full control of the indie publishing process is what works best for me. This may change in the future, but right now I’m an Indie. This, however, does not mean I’m going at it alone. There is still a team involved, which is a whole other post altogether.

4.  You day-jobbed it at the local paper as an obituaries coordinator and you have on more than one occasion driven a hearse (I don’t know, maybe that’s night-jobbing it?). Did that give you any special insight into the metaphysical-more-big-words nature of life and death? The afterworld? Have you ever had an experience with a ghost or other paranormal this-n-that’s that you can’t explain?

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Hottest!

I see dead people. My life as an obituaries coordinator was definitely one of the most interesting job’s I have ever had and I’ve learned a lot about the funeral industry since then through my associations with funeral home directors. When I left the newspaper one of the local funeral home owners asked me if I would be interested in helping out for extra green while I started heading down the path of self-employment. I agreed and now night-job it at the funeral home from time to time. Rumor has it there is a ghost in the funeral home, but I have yet to experience it personally. However, I sure as hell have some material for a future horror novel. J I have to say working at a funeral home has been . . . interesting to say the least.

On a serious note, the first time I drove the hearse was for a WWII veteran’s funeral, and considering how much I support our military, I was very honored to do so. One of the directors keeps asking me about going to mortuary school, but I think I’ll pass. I’ll stick to writing and operating my administrative support business from home.

5.   You own a 1981 Corvette Stingray? Did you watch that show called Stingray? It was kinda cool huh? About this ex-government badass who was a Navy Seal or used to work for the IRS or something and he drove a Stingray so he called himself Stingray. It sounds like a great story to pickup girls “Hey, my name is Stingray. I didn’t make that up, these snipers did because I’m such a badass and I know how to survive in the jungle just eating snakes and coconuts. I’m a Virgo.”

Undeniable proof that my crack research team stole off Rob’s Facebook.

Stingray does sound bad-ass. I need to go do some web surfing and check it out. That ex-IRS government operative Stingray dude does sounds like a badass, but he doesn’t hold a candle to the intimidating badassary of “Sharky” vV””Vv J. I may eat PB&J sandwiches and chocolate milk, but don’t let that fool you. I’ll take on that Stingray guy any day. (Where’s my stunt double?)

6. What about Automan? That shit was kinda lame and I didn’t buy it for a second, it’s called suspension of disbelief not total-disregard of disbelief, right?

Automan was way before its time.

Agreed. While we’re on the subject of Hollywood car stuff, we can’t forget that bad-ass car Kitt from Knight Rider. We all know that Hasseloff took the back seat to Kitt and was really the co-star.

Who would win in a fight against Airwolf and Blue Thunder?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blue Thunder! Only because the bad-ass piloting that chopper is the same dude that went fist to fin with a monster Great White shark and won . . . TWICE.

What about Street Hawk vs Knight Rider?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘Cause haven’t we already seen enough dumb pictures of KITT?

Knight Rider of course (and not because of that Baywatch dude). Kitt is the real bad-ass in that series.

Beau Arthur vs Manimal?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bea Arthur. Have you even seen Golden Girls? I wouldn’t want to be caught in a dark alley with her. Yikes!

7.  Speaking of Beau Arthur, your brand new thriller is called Devil’s Nightmare. Crack and ostrich egg of knowledge on our ass and burn us into a literary omelet with some details of this very exciting new book.

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Contrary to popular belief Bea Arthur doesn’t actually have a cameo appearance in Devil’s Nightmare that I’m aware of. Horror is my favorite genre and it was only natural for me to take a crack at it, and from what I’ve heard from readers so far, it does fall into the category of bad-ass entertainment. You won’t find any cutesy Care Bears in this story. You also won’t find a long drawn out story line before we get into the action. No sir, you get thrown right into the blood, guts and decapitations of the story from the get go. It’s a page turner and has just enough horror elements in it to keep it creepy, but also isn’t smothered in blood and gore – that’s what Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger are for, and they don’t have starring roles here (although, Voorhees did ask).

Devil’s Nightmare is written from the perspective of Detective Aaron Sanders, a bad-ass cop with an attitude who’s investigating the brutal deaths of two adults and three youths. All but one victim is dismembered and decapitated. This investigation put Sanders on edge and he may have a bit of a chip on his shoulder sometimes, which gives him personality. His demeanor may not even resemble that of your everyday big city cop, but that is by no means a flaw. Real cops can be found on one of those late night “Reality TV” shows. Devil’s Nightmare doesn’t give you that; it doesn’t have a TV crew following Sanders around with a producer trying to pull the strings. This horror-thriller isn’t going to teach you the ins and outs of law enforcement policy and procedure either. No, Devil’s Nightmare is going to entertain you, keep you turning the pages, and creep the hell out of you. That’s the goal, and from what I’ve heard so far, that goal has been met. So, put that TV remote away (you can’t watch reruns of Baywatch and Cops later), and snag yourself a copy of Devil’s Nightmare and find out for yourself. There will be blood.

8.  So there’s a cop and he’s investigating crazy shit in Texas. How come it’s always Texas were the weird stuff goes down? How come it’s always cops? Why isn’t it ever a plumber who comes across a secret Satanic conspiracy and goes, “I should totally solve this and save the world. Cause I’m a plumber and I know how to problem solve and track down clues. I have a big-ass wrench, so get thee behind me.”?

Hollywood always has the crazy shit happening in New York City, L.A., and Chicago. Ha! You and I both know the real weirdness and bad-ass stuff is happening right here in the Lone Star State. Texas is where it’s all going down.

I will never forget.

Let’s talk about those plumbers, shall we? I think plumbers have been stereotyped. Thank you, Nintendo, for turning our bad-ass wrench-wielding plumbers into a little man jumping around with a plunger and riding on a chubby dinosaur collecting gold coins. I mean, seriously, who does he think he’s intimidating? Give that plumber an M60 and a grenade launcher and then you have a kick-ass hero. 

“Never?”

9.  You and I both live in Texas, but because it’s Texas it’s like we both live on different planets. I would have run over and had some beers and done this interview live, but it’s like a 17 hour drive. What’s the Yeti to chupacabra ratio over in your part of the state like? Is the coastal yeti hunting kit different than the lonely double-wide in the woods yeti hunting kit that I have?

I think it’s like 10:1 Chupacabra:Yeti, but that’s just based on the last U.S. Government census. I’m sure the yetis lied on the form to keep us yeti hunters guessing.

Or you either, Ursula. Now stop texting me.

10.  You’re a gamer, I can tell you are because you’d have 18 books released by now on Kindle. What games are you playing now?

I’ll have to get back to you on that . . . I need to finish this side quest on Elder Scrolls: Skyrim first. Oh, wait, it’s a question about video games. I’m currently playing Black Ops 2, Elder Scrolls: Skyrim, and Borderlands 2. There are a ton of other games that are in my queue, but those are what I’m playing right now. I have to admit that being a gamer does make it very hard to also be a writer. Now, back to the game . . .

I don’t play any of those games. I’ll never forget you either, Erin Grey.

Best game platform ever?

Crap! I forget to save my game before stepping away for the rest of the interview. There goes 20 hours of dungeon dwelling down the tube.

She didn’t have to take care of Ricky Schroder or that old dude that drove that train, but she did anyway because nobody’s heart is more giving. Nobody.

I’m torn between PC and console. I think back in the day I would definitely say PC because I was mainly an RPG player. I loved playing games like Baldur’s Gate, but nowadays you have to have something like a $20,000 computer in order to get the best out of PC games nowadays. So, I’m more of a console player now. That could very well change if I’m able to build a better computer after all those new downloads of Devil’s Nightmare following this interview of course. Hint! Hint!

Nobody’s.

Nostalgically, what was the best game system from back in the day?

I know the popular choice would be to say the Atari 2600, but (buzz) wrong, I have to say the good ‘ol Mattel Intellivision system, followed by the Sega Genesis. Games nowadays have awesome graphics and sound, but there still nothing like the games of the 80s where you really had to you use your imagination to get the feel of the adventure. I still have my original Intellivision that still works (barely) and another that I bought on eBay that’s in good condition. When I’m feeling all nostalgic, I’ll hook up my Intellivision to my LED TV and kick ass. However, going from Black Ops 2 (2012) to Commandos (1987) is quite a bit of a shock to the system.

Right, video games. Back on target.

11.  Is the Devil’s Nightmare going to be a series?

Yes, I’ve decided that Devil’s Nightmare will be at least a three-part series. I’m in the brainstorming stages of Book 2 right now.

When can we expect more Sharky books?

My plan is to have at least one book published this year, possibly two. It all depends on various factors.

What are you working on now?

I’m currently working on the sequel to Pursuit of a Dream, currently untitled. I may also begin working on the sequel to Devil’s Nightmare soon (also untitled).

Thanks for hosting me on your site, JJ. We definitely need to hook up in Austin sometime to do some demon and yeti hunting. There’s always the ComicCon event in November too. I’m sure the yetis will try to blend into the crowds there. We may have difficulty getting our Acme yeti traps through security though. 

Read this book. It’s badassary approved!

Robert Pruneda is author of Devil’s Nightmare and Pursuit of a Dream, the first book in a trilogy. AuthorHouse published Pursuit of a Dream in 2004; Pruneda later published a revised e-Book edition of Pursuit of a Dream for the Kindle on September 10, 2011. Pruneda has recently published the supernatural horror Devil’s Nightmare which is now available on Kindle.

And…

Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five is the second book in Jesse James Freeman’s Billy Purgatory series. He has been at war with dark forces (stuff like: cobras, lasers, yetis) his entire life. He enjoys Tweeting, scented candles, and waffles. He is hard at work on Billy Purgatory 3 and an epic poem entitled Witches vs Robots.

If you have a caring heart, like Erin Grey…

Click!

Click!

11 Questions of Badassary/w Sarah Martinez (totally serious this time, it’s all expose on your ass)

Being interviewed on this blog is an exhaustive scientific process under normal circumstances. There is form and function involved, but it really never goes places that I don’t expect. I’m not doing something important here, like curing bad breath (because Budweiser already does that). Normally the tried and true system works with me writing out the questions and then scanning them into email. Something like…

This is the protocol that I followed with Sarah Martinez (then I passed out after downing a bottle of the finest plastic-bottled Scotch that money could buy). I guess I wasn’t ready for the epicosity that would one day arrive back in my email box.

Sarah and I are both with Booktrope Editions (full-disclosure for you conspiracy theorists out there) and she just released her first book: Sex and Death in the American Novel

I read it and I thought it was fantastico. I thought that there were some pretty heavy/intriguing topics in the book, and it’s one of those reads that stayed with me for days while I tried to figure out what it all meant.

So, I was out working on my moonshine still (aka typical Thursday night) and I said to myself, “I’m using way too much brain power on all this. Why don’t I just ask Sarah to talk about her book, and life, and what’s the nature of the human condition?” I realized that I was sitting on this old oil drum in the same pose as that Thinker statue dude. Yes, I was naked, but I don’t normally pose like that when I’m making shine.

I wrote out my questions and emailed, then Sarah’s lawyers emailed me back (this is a normal step in the process), then KSears was like, “Why are you talking to Sarah? She’s busy writing books? And, where are my…

???”

I found out Sarah was having this big fancy launch party in someplace called Seattle. I thought about hitting that, because nobody does fancy like me. I couldn’t find my tuxedo-T-shirt (and I didn’t know where Seattle was). There was tons of important book stuff going on there though:

See, here’s Sarah there talking about writer stuff:

Anyhow, when all was said and done, Sarah emailed me back her answers – 10 pages of answers! Obviously, she thinks I’m a legit journalist or something.

So prepareth for reading-time of awesomeness, as I present here the novella which is

Sarah Martinez Answers 11 Questions of Badassary!

Author Sarah Martinez, yo!

1.
So, I was reading your book and like the main character is a writer who writes erotica and like there’s erotica that goes down in the book and so I was saying, “This is like one of those paintings that has one of those paintings in it and that has a painting in that and it goes on for infinity until the painting gets all tiny.”

This dude told me that if you squint your eyes and look at this picture sideways you see a koala bear.

So, should there be more books that have tiny paintings in them?

Not if there aren’t authors who want to write them. I wrote Sex and Death in the American Novel in the middle of a pretty hard core obsession with two authors. I saw one as the road to madness and the other the road to salvation, and somewhere as I read more, I fell in love with the one who represented madness. So this book is a weird assed way for me to try and express that.

There is the element of me addressing my favorite authors, and in the book I am writing about the experience of writing and you are reading about what it means to be a reader. It is a whole circular thing and it ended for me when I got to give the book to one of my favorite authors  when he came to town. I think that was where the book ended for me, if that makes sense. Now I am ready to move on to the next thing.

I kinda want to take over the Nancy Drew books, but make her like badass Nancy Drew. She was raised by werewolves and now she’s a model who solves crimes…

I also love writers so I was very interested in all the discussions of process and how many of us work, how many of us are judged, how we judge ourselves, how we judge others, and how outsiders judge what we write.

2.
There’s a lot more going on in your book than Sex and Death–but the sex is definitely there. What’s the secret to writing the sexy times? A lot of people are writing about the sexy times lately, but I’m not so sure a lot of us are doing it right. When I try to write that kinda stuff I don’t think I do a very good job at it–but I’m a guy and I think I’ve accomplished something groundbreaking if I can just work “boobs” into a sentence.

Why do you think that is?

Dude, here’s an exercise for you. Think of the five words you really really aren’t supposed to say, let alone write. Pick the worst one. Then write for ten minutes using that word in every line. Not every sentence, every line. I stole that from Jack Remick, and a version of this exercise can also be found in The Writer’s Portable Mentor by Priscilla Long.

“Nancy Drew raised by werewolves? What’s your opening line? – “A long time ago Nancy Drew was hot and raised by hot werewolves?”

Jack Remick and I will be doing a class that will cover writing sex scenes for the Pacific Northwest Writers Association on November 3rd. There should also be a webinar so you can look it up later. I am excited about this class, and working with writers who want to write past what they are afraid to talk about.

In my case anyway, when I got past all the self-censoring I was doing and moved into trying to be as honest and true to what I was afraid of and badly wanted to say, it opened up so many more aspects of my work. I could say I was pissed at my father and that I in fact hated him at times, because I let that barrier down. Letting down the walls that keep us from writing honestly about sex also opens up the ability to talk about other aspects of our lives.

The key to writing sex or anything really, is to put all of yourself into it. Study others who have done it well—for you, don’t listen to what others say is a good scene if it doesn’t work for you—and keep practicing. Like sex itself, the more you do, the better at it you become and the more aware and present you are for the whole deal, the more you will get out of it.

Writing is about awareness, honesty, respect for your topic, and fearlessness. When I am afraid of something is when I find I want to skim over it. The need to skip over a topic should be a clue that it may need some attention. Even if that only ends up being one line in the final draft, it probably should be addressed.

I also think that starting from a really radical place and revising for audience is the way to go. Throw everything you have at the scene you are writing, and then tame it if you need to. But if you write tame in the first place, you risk losing the special bit that comes out when you let yourself go. Knowing you I am actually surprised you would have a hard time with this. Pretend you are on twitter and you have to be as explicit as you can in your descriptions. What key words would you have to use to make your points if you were attempting to shock, seduce or enchant?  Let yourself go and I think you will be surprised at what you come up with.

Maybe I always get hung up on *enchant*?

I have been finding some phenomenal male writers lately who address sex in their work. Marco Vassi’sThe Stoned Apocalypse, as well as The Gentle Degenerates, areimportant, as is anything and everything by Junot Diaz. He just published some of his best short stories in the collection This is How You Lose Her. His short story “Alma” is one of my favorites. The actual sex scene there is short but very well done and the entire story is infused with this dark sexually charged energy.

She’s talking about this dude.

Jack Remick handled sex quite a bit in his outstanding book, Blood. Also David Steinberg, someone who I have recently connected with, has years’ worth of essays up at: http://www.nearbycafe.com/loveandlust/steinberg/erotic/cn/index.html

I am just beginning to read these, but even just his reasons for writing sound exactly like what I have been saying for a while. His work reminds me a lot of the honesty and a certain type of hope I was so drawn to in Marco Vassi.

“Oh, so Sarah and that Marco dude could write about kick-ass hot Nancy Drew…”

3.

I’m just gonna stay focused on Sarah’s interview and keep my genius werewolf ideas to myself.

Your blog addresses a lot of topics: writing, literature, relationships, sex. Beyond self-promotion, what sort of discussions are really important to you to engage in with readers? What are the sorts of dialogues you feel are crucial to keep relevant currently? What should we be talking about more openly that we’re not?

I hope my blog handles self-promotion least of all topics. I really want it to be a place for gathering information that is relevant to my own sensibility. When you land there you should pretty quickly be able to figure out who I am and what is important to me. It is also very important to me that I am able to promote others who are “doing it right.” Once in awhile I will do what I call a “gushy post” and I will rave and fawn over some new writer I have discovered.

I am planning a series of posts where I will interview several male writers that I admire, who are writing about sex in ways that are worth taking notice.When I wrote my novel I was addressing the fact that a few of the writers I respected hardly handled sex at all in their work, but were supposed to be addressing the human condition. I never expected this meant all male writers, because of course, there wasJunot Diaz and Marco Vassi, but Marco Vassi was mostly classified as a porn writer!

People get paid to write porn? Wait … what is this a picture of?

I was addressing a very specific assumption I had, that I am still trying to work though, that literary fiction can’t or shouldn’t handle explicit sex because it is too…well…explicit, tasteless or ew, you know, like too gross or something… Fuck! Forget the fact that it is also something that is universal, vital and either traumatic or pleasurable as an activity. Why real depictions of it are still largely stuck into a separate genre is something I continue to look at and discuss.

I also want people to learn something as well. When I say I wrote a book that was erotic many people bring up the latest blockbuster that deals with BDSM. If a careful reader comes to my site, they will find recommendations to other books they might also find interesting and find out why I am writing the way I do.

The last thing I want to do is trivialize sex further; instead I want to celebrate and examine it and point people towards other artists who do the same. If I can accomplish that with my website, blog, facebook and twitter ramblings, I will have done something important.

Why would anyone wanna trivialize sex further? …oh, yeah!

Something unrelated to the book that you will find on my website , is about a place I was in as a teenager called Straight, Inc. It was a radical institution which called itself a drug treatment program that worked with teenagers through the 70’s until the early 90s. This is a part of who I am that until pretty recently I kept quiet about and mostly tried to ignore. As I get older and try to work through some of what it means for me to have been in that place, it becomes more important to both integrate it into my discussions about who I am and try to draw attention to it. There are a good number of people out there who were in places like this and I think it is important that they don’t feel alone. I have several links up on my website and have posted a few essays about the experience and will continue to do so from time to time.

4.

You list Atlas Shrugged as an inspiration.I really loved that novel when I read it – more for the characters and less for some of the extreme Objectivism. Anthem was a super-important book for me when I first read it. Do you think poor Ayn is getting a bad rap, lately?

I have been told that shit tons of people like Ayn for the reasons I do, but I haven’t met any of them until you! Generally Atlas Shrugged is only cited when discussions of a political nature come up. The pieces about Atlas that resonated for me, and were exactly why I threw the references into the book were first the notion that your mind, your thoughts, and your reason are valuable. In the context of my book, it was like, hey, if you like erotica, or science fiction more than literary fiction, don’t feel bad about that. Don’t let people who purport to know, as those party goers did in Atlas, tell you that you are wrong. Do your thing and be proud of it, and choose wisely, being true to your own vision of the world. Also, as a writer, don’t write what you think other people want, or what might sell, or any of that, write what really turns your crank, rocks your clock, and floats your particular boat.

Like this kinda boat?

The second thing I appreciated was that she addressed the power that guilt has over us all. We get to look at how it works as a motivator in relationships of all kinds. One of the writers I admire, Jonathan Franzen, talked about this in a speech he gave when he came to Seattle. He is the first writer I ever heard address this. Guilt is an especially big deal for mothers as we are often expected to give up our hopes and dreams until our kids are grown.One day it occurred to me that that was unreasonable, and that much of the guilt I had about doing what I wanted was left over from judging my own mother who also didn’t do the June Cleaver thing.

As I began pulling away from the day to day routine that involved me being available for husband and kids 24/7, I had to deal with quite a bit of guilt, and still do for choosing to spend my time writing, editing and attending events for all of it. But I also believe that my happiness and my example to my girls matters in the long run. Do I want them to think that they are doomed to a life of constant sacrifice and no personal fulfillment if they decide to go the domestic route? That sort of insight took a while though. I think we are still taught to give up quite a bit for the sake of our families and it is not always easy to imagine another way to be until we have done it for a while.

Here is something that nobody mentions… Did Dagny not have the most incredible men lusting after her? And they weren’t lusting after her because she had a rack that could drop jaws, but instead it was all about what was inside her, and what she was capable of. So there was, like Twilight,which I read at the same time I read Atlas Shrugged,this implication for some incredible group sex.

Like this?

Don’t give me that look. It was there the whole time. I should write it so you’ll see…

5.
Sex and Death has some heavy topics mixed in with self-discovery and erotica. Your protagonist starts off writing gay pornography because she’s more interested in writing books that are “fun escapist reads” VS “high literature.” She also explores the nature of women’s roles in relationships and how they’re perceived by society. As a whole, do you think we’re ever going to get over a lot of the puritanical hang-ups that color our views and pre-conceived notions about what it means to interact intimately with others and what our roles are supposed to be in that dance?

First I want to say that I am no expert on anything, all I can speak to is what I have observed in my own life and what I have been learning lately.

I had thought we were still, at least where I lived, pretty hung up, but since I wrote the book these fascinating people, largely men, have been handing me all sorts of information. I think now I need to distinguish between mainstream media (the literary fiction I was reading was mainstream and popular) and what the men’s movements and what some would call counter-culture are doing. Until I found Marco Vassi, I was pretty sure men were not able to function mentally and be sexual beings. True story.I know,I am special and incredibly precious aren’t I? What Vassi wrote was revelatory and confirmed something that I had hoped–that men were more like me than different– and there was a way to find a real connection with these beings who for many reasons I admired.

I am not sure if anything different is possible in any context where we are slave to a mass consciousness, certainly not where people are still labeled, still not able to be themselves without judgment. This again goes to my discussion of what good is and what bothers me about labels in general. Is a man who can have sex with both women and men and find connection there any less of a man than one who only sleeps with women? According to the jokes I heard on TV and the way I have heard men talked about all my life, there would be something wrong with him.

I also feel like the nuances that make all of life so exciting is what television, and the mass media are so awful at dealing with. Because we simplify things to the point of inanity, it is very easy to assume, especially at an unconscious level, that there is something wrong with you if you want something different than what mainstream media presents. We wax off all of our body hair, get plastic surgery, and airbrush everything, so that both men and women now are faced with images on magazine covers and in movies that set up an expectation that we have to then reconcile both about who we are and about what we are supposed to want. What if the thing that really gets you going is the image of some big hairy lumberjack…who may be sporting a roll around his middle but has incredibly powerful shoulders? Can a woman just be attracted to man because of what he represents as a being without having to also fantasize about him having rock hard abs and a bank account to rival Donald Trump?

I have been hearing women talk about these issues relating to what they think society expects of us, but when I flipped it around and looked at it from the male perspective, something clicked into place for me. If men can’t even be real, then what have we done to ourselves as a culture?It seems to me that the more we commercialize sex, and our own bodies, and the more we simplify our desires, the more we lose something important about our humanity.

Maybe explored a lot of the same issues? Okay, probably not.

Geez, I can go on…

One thing that bothered me at a deep level was when I played back a Charlie Brown specialon DVR for my girls. I had recorded it off the ABC Family channel. The ads that were flashing during the commercials were for this show that featured a bunch of adolescent girls, made up to look like Playmates.  They had perfect hair, and full coat of makeup including shiny lipstick and high heels. The show looked like nothing more than a soap opera to me, not something that should be advertised when small children could see it.

Are we saying she’s not legit edgy? Or that she just shouldn’t hang out with Charlie Brown?

I was horrified and watched myself with no small amount of humor,ban any more ABC Family shows. So, that was interesting, here I am this person who talks about sex with anyone who will listen, who writes what most would consider pretty explicit stuff, who talks as honestly and openly about sex as I can with my daughters, but then when it comes to my girls watching this dreck, I turn into my grandmother.

And I think actually that this reconciles perfectly. I want my girls to grow up with a healthy image about what they are supposed to look like, what their friends are supposed to look like and how they should behave and get by in the world. This should apply for them, and for the men and women they choose to share their lives with.

Look at Charlie Brown. Here boys and girls are unique, and each has his own characteristics and something about them that makes them special, and at least as I watch it, the implication is that they will grow up in the world and find all sorts of interesting things to do. With the show I saw ads for, the focus was only on relationships, how to snare a boy, and how to make him the focus of your life.

My exhaustive research has led me back to this!

So my sense is that if we look to anything mainstream as a way to understand ourselves we will be making a huge mistake. This is why books are so valuable, especially the weird ones. Even books that people look down on are more nuanced than anything on television or in the movies.

6.

Bet you didn’t even know there was a European Remix!

Dancing is a recurring thing in the book. It’s a recurring thing with me at weddings – I’m already making plans to start a conga line to Footloose at Tracey Hansen’s wedding. Were you a dancer? Should we maybe all be more dancer and less whatever the hell else we’re currently doing?

Only if that is your thing. I have a friend who sits meditation. He says he gets his energy from meditation, and he thinks, and I would agree, that I get mine from dance. I think we all should be doing what works for us.

I would definitely encourage people who are afraid of dancing to give it a try though. Conga lines have never been my thing but something like that would be a great introduction for the newbie. Take lots of pictures!

I took lessons pretty intensely for about a year and went out at least four times a week for quite a while. I almost had a formal partner for Tango and had plans to go to Argentina and study there before I met my husband. I am not an especially graceful dancer and despite the fact that I love the Argentine Tango, and have lots of fun with Salsa, I am a horrible follow. I still do it but I am awful at it.

The deal is to try and fail and try again and enjoy yourself. That is what dance is all about for me. Like sex, like running, like any other physical activity, when the whole body is involved, it can take you to a different place and in doing that can be quite expansive.

7.
Is anyone in movies or TV doing anything erotic right or is it just the same old Cinemax tropes over and over?

I feel like all I see are tropes but I am also having my eyes opened to the fact that I haven’t been looking in the right places. I think I touched on this in some of my previous answers too.

It’s not like MTV was gonna keep renewing Remote Control forever.

What I am finding is that when I am open to learning about something, the examples sort of fall in my lap. Check back with me, I am sure that I will have something for you soon. For now, what I like is still found in books and a few offbeat places. Did you see the videos from my launch? Maureen O’Donnell does this tribal belly dance that is incredible to watch, especially live. This was not only sexy, but unique and interesting. I have never seen anything like it.

8.
Music or not? If yes, what do you listen to when you write? (You get tons of extra points if it involves Hall & Oates).

I have listened to Hall &Oates. “Maneater” especially helps to tap into a certain vamp vibe–this thing I wanted so desperately to be when I was younger.

#VastMustache!

Addressing that need is something that I deal with in my work. I will be listening to more of the stuff that was popular in the 80s as I am working on a book that takes place during that time. There is nothing like Bonnie Tyler to call up a certain type of romanticy angst. Did you know Hall & Oates did a song with my name in it?

I turned around, Bright Eyes.

Music is very important to me, but it is hard to explain what I do with it. Very strong music like Marilyn Manson and Metallica help to tap into a state of outrage or frustration. Also Enigma works well on the flip side. Often the poppier the better, when I first started Sex and Death in the American Novel I was listening to Lady GaGa. The working title of the book was Bad Romance until only a couple months before it was published.

…or as I like to call her “My Future Ex-Wife”

As I write the first draft, I listen to music, usually pretty loud, and then keep that music around to listen to later on. How I use music tends to be a lot about accessing a specific feeling or if this makes sense, sort of holding the emotional energy so I can get back to it when I need it. When I am trying to really work I need quiet, often the monsters in my head are loud enough, but other times, like when I am revising, or copy editing, I may use something like Bach or Tangerine Dream.

9.

Book Trailer Break!!!

When it’s just not happening–you know–the words, what do you do? How do you get away, re-focus, clear your head?

Physical activities serve to get me the fuck out of my head and back to what got me excited about what I was working on. 

Like this? No wait, that’s what Tess Hardwick does.

I am big on running or walking outside, or at the gym if I have to.

That’s what Tracey Hansen does.

Dance is something I am doing more lately, but don’t get to go out to do it as much as I would like. The launch party was a notable example. I was high from that for at least a week.

Yeah, but are you also a welder?

10.
What’s the balance for you between being a writer, being a wife, being a mom, having a life? Do you find yourself being a slightly different person when you’re engaged in different parts of your life–or are you always just Sarah? (Sometimes I’m LBJ–but my therapist tells me to run with it).

Yes, run with it J

Since I was pretty young I have been able to compartmentalize different parts of my life and myself. I am still me and my values are the same, but I handle different people in my life differently. Once in a while someone from one of my mommy groups wants to talk about writing or editing, and it feels a little like the world is tipping.

I find the balance difficult. When I do anything I like to do it fully and often it is hard to switch to something else. Often I feel like I am torn in different directions, like I’ll want to do two things in the same amount of time, like finish a book and read to my daughter before it is time to go to bed. 

Mostly now I am doing the writer promoter thing and running kids around during the day. Here I want to say that this is something that would be much more difficult if I didn’t have the husband that I have. He is very centered on the family and so he handles a lot of domestic tasks and of course stays with the girls when I have to go to a conference, or when I write in the evenings. I am not sure how couples who both write do it. I am sure you can make anything work, but this balance is hard for sure.

Different parts of my day are for different things. Early mornings are sacred writing time, then the girls get up and I have to get them ready for school. For a couple hours while my youngest is in school I work, then I pick her up and we run errands, and I do the domesticated wife routine. At least three nights a week I get to work more or run to different events and activities.  At bedtime I read to my youngest and then my oldest will get into bed with me and we will read side my side. I love that.

11.
What’s next? Maybe not what book is next – more like what amazing goal is next? How will Sarah Martinez next make it rain?

I am working on my next book, but as a part of that research I am learning all this great stuff that I mentioned before about the men’s movement and male sexuality–not as the silly or brutish thing it is always portrayed as, but as something worth real attention from the female perspective. I have found four men without even trying who are doing amazing sex writing, or honestly talking about sexual issues and I will be doing a series of blog posts where I get to ask them questions about writing and sex. A couple of these guys are really radical so I expect this to be pretty exciting.

There is no question in my mind that this dude is in touch with his feelings.

The thing with this is that I was very heavily focused on my own frustration and that of the women around me when I wrote Sex and Death. Most of the men I was in intimate relationships with that I could have potentially had real discussions with were too hung up on proving their “manhood” and couldn’t talk honestly, and also were just not very articulate.

Did you ask this guy?

Since I have started writing and talking to writers, there is a more open atmosphere and also being older has helped too I think, both in my level of ability to listen and in the people I have been talking to.

A good writer friend and I had a discussion about a year ago and this was the first time that it occurred to me–in a way that made me change my own line of thinking– that men were subjected to their own set of pressures. What he said sounded similar to what I hear some women say about what keeps them from being who they want to be. Satisfying this craving for knowledge and experiencing this connection that had nothing to do with having sex with this man, made me really happy. For once I felt like I had achieved understanding. Something real had happened.

Many times in my life I had felt like discussions with men were mostly a build up to sex or a build up to the eventual let down that would be not having sex or whatever.

What if he’s being legit, Molly Ringwald?

Or the tension that comes with not talking about it. Now I am talking to people about things that are important to people. I hope to be able to share that with others who may be as ignorant as I was.

Thanks Sarah, you have taken us to school!

How could you not click this picture now?!?

Vivianna Post is the family anomaly. Daughter of a Pulitzer Prize winner and an academic, she has never quite fit her parents’ expectations as a free-spirited erotica writer. When Vivianna encounters the award-winning author Jasper Caldwell at a nightclub, all she wants is to blame him for blowing off her brother at a writers’ conference the year before and possibly causing his suicide. But as the night—and then the weeks—wear on, Vivianna finds herself drawn to Jasper in ways she cannot understand. When their differences—literary and sexual—threaten to pull Vivianna and Jasper apart, Jasper rediscovers Alejandro, an old friend who just might have the power to complete them both in every way. Using quotes and references to classic erotic and literary icons, Sex and Death in the American Novel is on one level an unconventional romance and on another a discussion of the merits of erotic literature.

Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat…?

Click for Time Zombie transportation!

Billy Purgatory is a man plagued by questions – about his mother’s disappearance, his love-hate relationship with vampire fatale Anastasia, and why the Time Zombie keeps stealing his girlfriends. The search for answers frequently leads him into danger and the darker corners of the world, corners he would prefer not to see. 

In his quest for answers, Billy begins using the Zombie’s powers for his own designs, hurtling into the past in a time-bending attempt to create an ideal present. No one can predict the outcome of such a plan – especially not Billy. This time, his adventures take him high above the African plains, through the sleek, marbled halls of a mysterious mansion brimming with sinister science, and across the U.S. on a heated road trip with none other than Anastasia at his side. Vampires, demons, and an evil cabal known simply as the Satanic Five are all hot on his trail. 

Some answers don’t come easily…but that’s never stopped Billy Purgatory.

“So, would Nancy Drew actually be a werewolf? Or just raised by werewolves?”

Stephanie Fuller “Book Hipster” takes Billy Purgatory to Disney World

Billy Purgatory has traveled the world once again – seems like he always goes to sunny Orlando though. He is a daredevil badass – so it makes sense that Space Mountain would be right up his alley. I really don’t see him taking any advice from Jiminy Cricket, but they have fireworks every night and he does enjoy watching stuff blow up.

However, I’m not ruling out that Billy would take advice from Rickety Cricket.

Stephanie Fuller is the Book Hipster – like officially – she has a blog and everything. She and her husband, Matt, surprised their daughter Jillian by planning a trip to the Magic Kingdom and only sprung it on her days before the trip (more about that later – NOW with more Youtube video). Stephanie had just won an awesome tote-bag fulla Booktrope books in a contest given by lady-tiger author Gale Martin(if you haven’t read Don Juan in Hankey, PA or Grace Unexpected then you’re seriously missing out).

Does it say “Advanced Virgin” on that laptop screen?

So Stephanie took some books with her on vacation too.

I felt we could all use a vacation update – and so here is Book Hipster Stephanie Fuller with the rundown of travel badassary!

1.

So, how was Disney World? Did you wish upon any stars? Did they give you plenty of soap in the hotel room?

—Disney World was hot, sweaty, gross, rainy, humid…it was AWESOME!!! Seriously though…too hot…too humid…too rainy…I was a hot, sweaty mess the whole time. *shakes head* It was not pretty!

This is way pretty.

—I DID wish upon a star! I’m not telling you what I wished for cause it could still come true. Really, it could…right?!?!?!?! *bats eyelashes*

One badass welcoming another. Like Kings do on Game of Thrones!

—Soap…yes…towels…yes...coffee…yes…charging stations…no! Hey, Disney…get on that! My poor cell phone was usually dead by 5pm because I would find myself Twittering or Facebooking while I was in line waiting for rides. Wonder who I was talking to most of that time…hmmmmm…*looks around*

Stare at awesome while you figure out how to un-knot all those towels.

2.

Did you get anything cool put on the back of a mouse-ears hat? The smiling vendors on Main Street in Magic Kingdom said it was against policy to print: “#Guns, Hookers, Fire Trucks” on mine. It was a complete buzzkill – and I think it might have violated my bill or constitutional or whatever that’s called.

Don’t tread on me and piss off jetpack-kite riding Wolverine-claws Ben Franklin fighting Zeus, yo!

—You know what? I completely didn’t even think to get myself a set of ears!!!! I looked at them every time we saw them, because, why the heck not, right? They are cute and it is DISNEY WORLD!!! I was mostly looking for the kidlet because we were getting her a pair with her name on them (by the way, she decided to get “Cheshire cat” ears with her name on the butt under the tail…ha ha ha!!!). I really should have gotten a pair of traditional black ones with my name on the back…or something cooler like my new self-given nickname “The Book Hipster”. Of course, what would I do with them? It isn’t like I can just wear them to the grocery store, or out to dinner on a date night…or can I?

Mickey Mouse is real!?!

3.

Your daughter, Jillian, will probably become one-day internet-famous for her Youtube video of when you broke the surprise that you were taking her to Disney – and her sort of blah reaction to it all. Did she ever get excited about the whole thing and sort of Tosh.0 web-redeem herself.

—Good Lord…that video!!! I mean, I wasn’t expecting cartwheels or mass hysterical screaming and jumping up and down…sheesh! SOMETHING would have been nice!!! Actually she was excited about going, and while there is no Tosh.O web-redeeming video out there, she talked and talked and talked about the trip beforehand once she realized we really were going there. The lack of excitement in the video is because I told her there was a “gift” we were giving her to announce where we were going on vacation. She automatically figured we bought her a toy…not a shirt. :-\ For the record, she didn’t get a shirt on vacation either. I wanted a couple shirts we saw for her, but none of them were in my size. I think this video will be shown to all her future suitors…I’m so evil!

She totally changed her mind on the plane. They start tossing books and packages of peanuts at you then you’re suddenly down for whatever.

4.

Who gave you the strangest look when you pulled out your copy of Billy Purgatory to have you picture snapped with it at Disney World? Mickey Mouse seemed pretty cool with it…

Stephanie and Mickey – present timeline.

…but Belle from Beauty and the Beast seemed to freak a little – like it was a copy of Dianetics.

It’s a book, lady. I thought you lived in olden times before Kindle.

That’s more like it. Now you’re eligible for your SAG card.

Did you ever run into Princess Jasmine? – cause she’s way into me and she’d have been down.

Dear Disney, I love you – I saw the Avengers 8 times. Please don’t sue me. All I have is a moonshine still and my Lion King collectible Hardees glasses.

—Um…I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention to others if I was trying to take a fun picture of Billy Purgatory. The first time I asked to get it taken with a character (Mickey was the 1st!), I felt weird asking, but he seemed ok with it. I didn’t want to be in the pictures too, but my husband wouldn’t take the pictures for me on his phone(my phone was DEAD at that point, I think…or maybe close to it) without me being in the picture, so I got to hang out with Billy every time. *giggle* Belle actually was excited about the book! She is the ULTIMATE bookworm and asked me what the book was about. The shocked face she gave was because I told her the book was about “Zombies, Vampires, Devil Birds, and a kick ass skateboarder”. I don’t think it was something she was expecting…ha! A couple of the Disney workers (non-character) at the Princess exhibit were asking me all sorts of questions about the book and the author and how I knew him and one even wrote down the name of the book. Had it been our last day there, I would have given her my copy figuring, I kind of know the author and could get another. Oh, and we didn’t get to meet Jasmine. I saw her from a distance, but didn’t get close enough. Sorry.

Cinderella digs motorcycles on fire.

5.

What was the most fun ride? What’s up with nobody wanting to ride the Tower of Terror? That thing is boss!

—The most fun ride? Um…well…it is kind of a tie between an actual ride and a non-ride ride…did you catch that? Ride…The Tea Cups! Duh! We rode it two times and spun our little hearts out as a family laughing and squealing in delight. Yes, I squealed in delight, ok? What of it? Non-ride ride…Mickey’s PhilharMagic!

She’s right – this was a pretty awesome 3D movie!

It is a “3D, you sit in a theater and watch a movie” ride. We did this one twice too, although, I could have done it a million and one times and never gotten sick of it…ever! That is cause I love music…and Disney music on top of that is just the cherry on the banana split! I love me some Disney music! That probably hurts my “tough girl” rep, huh? Oh well…

Much badassary is contained within!

—Stop pestering me about that Tower of Terror ride already!!! I haven’t been on a true coaster in 4-ish years. The last time I was, I almost got sick (thank you Six Flags!)…this one looked so scary to me there was no way I was going on it alone. My husband doesn’t do coasters…at all. Getting him on a couple rides at Disney was a surprise to me and I’m so proud of him! Anyway, um, the day before, the kidlet kept saying she wanted to go on the Tower of Terror, but I had to go too. Fine. I’ll do it…for my baby girl. If I die on it, at least she’ll be happy, right? Well, as we were driving towards Hollywood Studios we pointed out the building to her. She immediately changed her mind…ha!!! I’ll go on it…maybe…just not by myself…so, when are you taking me to Disney?

“It’s a Small World, Billy Purgatory” coming this Fall on the CW.

6.

Do you think that the call-box in Epcot’s Britain Pavilion should be painted blue?

This is like one of those pictures where there’s a sailboat hidden in it – you have to squint real hard to notice anything but Amy Pond.

—Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A million and one times…yes!

7.

Did you see anyone else promoting books while you were there? I heard that Anne Rice hangs out in front of the Teacups sometimes and tries to talk to people about vampires. I also heard that the 50 Shades of Grey lady wrote all that book on the back of cocktail napkins riding the Lime-Green Monorail around in circles.

—I think I was the only weirdo, er, I mean completely normal person there promoting a book. If there was anyone else, they were staying off my turf that day! Smart people! We were at the teacups both Wednesday and Thursday and I didn’t see that Rice woman. She better watch it…Lestat isn’t going to save her there! As for the 50 Shades of Grey lady…I’d probably smack her inner goddess upside the head for saying “inner goddess” too many times in her book!

8.

Now that you’re back to Chicago and off vacation, are you already making plans about where you’d like to take Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five? I’d like to see him go to maybe the Grand Canyon, or that park where people see bears and that volcano shoots steam into the air, or maybe a Shriner’s convention.

—Oh no! I set a precedent, didn’t I? Ok, well…um…are you paying for this trip? Cause then, I’d like to take him to Paris. If not, I’m not sure. I’m not really planning trips any time soon. If there was a Con or something soon that I was planning on attending, I’d totally take him there! I’d take him to work with me, but I’m sure he’d cause all sorts of mischief. Maybe you should talk to Steven Luna about the Grand Canyon…

Nobody’s letting Luna anywhere near the Grand Canyon.

9.

Do you have any advice for all the moms and dads out there who are planning a trip to Disney? What should they expect, what kinda secrets did you learn?

—Gorsh *said in best Goofy voice*…there is so much that I can think of right now, but first and foremost…DO NOT GO IN JUNE, JULY OR AUGUST!!! Ha ha ha!!! I’m only kind of kidding…It was way too warm and Jillian whined almost the whole time that she was too hot. It was very grating on my patience as I was also so stinking hot and gross feeling. 

On his way to the Little Finger Dance Party.

—Pack ponchos! It rained 3 of the 4 nights we were there. The first night, we got soaked to the tips of our toes. The 2nd day, we were able to get the ponchos on asap and not get hit too badly. 

Fullers meeting Donald Duck!

—Take advantage of the “FAST PASS”. Some of those rides have more than an hour wait…if you can fast pass it, your wait could be a lot less!
—Meal plans! If you are doing a package, make sure you do a meal plan. It will save you a ton of money! Also, if you are looking to go, but want to save some cash, DON’T do the expensive resorts! We stayed at the All-Star Movies Resort and while it wasn’t much more than a glorified Holiday Inn, it was all we needed as we barely spent time in our room outside of sleeping and showering. Promise!

Disney World will style out you in the lap of luxury, oh lover of the life of leisure!

—Finally a plug for a friend—if you don’t know where to begin when planning your own Disney vacation…email my friend Treena( treena@mousecounselors.com )she is what you call a “Mouse Counselor” and will help you plan your Disney vacation at no charge! She helped us, even though we were about 90% done with our own planning…but she can help you in so many ways (even if it is just other tips and schedules!) to make your trip go smoother…trust me!!! Well worth talking to her!

The Walt Disney World resort offers fancy dining and comfortable chairs (notice the plugs, Disney – again – don’t sue me).

10.

This is not a question – it’s just a funny picture of you when you were 14 going to Disney.

Stephanie Fuller at 14, before being snatched up by the Time Zombie and transported to present day. Yes, she is wearing neon socks.

Do you think this trip would have been more awesome if you’d have had Billy Purgatory to take with you back then? Or was the 80′s hair so awesome that you didn’t need to walk around with a cool book?

—Oh no…the picture! I don’t know why I ever posted that thing…ha ha ha!!! Ah, 14 year old me…I hate to tell you this, but…um…that wasn’t the 80′s. It was 1994. Feel old, now? Sorry. *blows kiss* Also…my hair was not THAT big!!! Back on track…um…I would not have been brave enough back then to try and get pictures taken with Billy Purgatory and Mickey (or in front of rides, castles, etc). I remember being super shy about just asking for that specific picture. However, I would have been a fan of the book if it had been out then. At that point I had already been reading Stephen King stuff for a couple years, so I was all about strange and unusual books.

So many amazing things to do and see – sometimes it’s so much fun it becomes overwhelming and you have to chill on a bench and get your drink on. Disney gives you those cups – that’s the kinda awesome company they are (are you listening Disney – no lawsuits).

11.

Did Billy Purgatory cause any trouble in the airport TSA line? He usually sets the badassary-scanners off?

—No, he was behaved. Probably worn out like the rest of us. And his travel companion, Jillian, wasn’t feeling well on the way home, and due to her…um…issues, we were given special privileges in passing through the line quicker. So, he got to skip the huge line with us and run through the scanners/metal detectors. Bonus!

The Fullers are awesome!

Thanks to Stephanie, Matt, and Jillian for being so awesome. I’m digging they had a rockin’ and well deserved vacation with The Mouse!

Tweet Stephanie, it’s fun. Ask her about pizza!

@ImaFuller

The following is a list of people and/or companies that should not under any circumstances sue me: Disney, Princess Jasmine, The CW Network, whatever Airline that was, Anne Rice, the cast of Twilight, the Fifty Shades of Grey lady (loved your book), 50 Cent, the Fraternal Order of Moonshiners, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia & FX, Amy Pond, Benjamin Franklin, Zeus, Coca-Cola, whoever made that chair at the Polynesian, and Steven Luna.

FYI Disney, the film rights to Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird are available. There’s a sequel coming out and I’m smelling franchise money. I live mostly off letting big Pharm test new drugs on me – so we could do this deal cheap.

Speaking of Steven Luna… *CLICK!*

This book is amazing too… *Click!*

…and it’s no secret that I love Gale Martin *click!!!*

…oh, and Amazon shouldn’t sue me either. Cause that would suck.

Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.

Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixing cars and even going to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

Billy Purgatory Book 2 is coming soon! So, read this one and be ready – because I can’t call everyone on the phone and explain to them what they missed. Or, I guess I could…

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

Just cause it’s been awhile.

IHYS aka Frank A. Diaz presents “I got this shit in a discount bin.”

I love comics. That’s probably not hard to figure out considering Billy Purgatory and the kinda stuff that I post on here all the time – I guess you can call me a comic-geek or whatever, I’ve never been offended by the terminology. If you gotta drop me into a category as something, I’d rather it be that then names that my ex’s have for me or something like, “He really drinks a lot of Mt. Dew. He’s a Dewist.”

As much as I love comics, I do not even come close to the level of immense-fandomosity that Frank A. Diaz has achieved in his lifetime.

A fixture of the comics scene online and all-about town in his native Miami – Frank lives the dream. Being an amazing artist himself, nothing gets Frank as excited like great comic book art and artists. He’s all into story too, but it’s the art that really sparks up his Light-Brite.

For those of you who aren’t so into comics – there’s a place in every comic book store in America that aficionados like us love to mine like a bunch’a Dwarves singing Hi-Ho – the treasure chest which is The Discount Bin:

In anticipation of the upcoming Billy2, Billy Purgatory is .99 on Amazon – so, “You could got that shit in a discount bin!” Click!

Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.

11 Questions of Badassary w/Stephanie Fuller : Billy Purgatory Bets He’s Tastier Than Free Pizza & Wins!

This week America has once again shown it is all about celebrating freedom + there was getting drunk, and setting off tons of fireworks, and my Uncle Jebediah got incarcerated again for running an illegal chupacabra smuggling operation.  In his defense, there’s not really a legal one.  Until such time as calmer heads prevail in Washington I’m sure he’ll remain a chronic recidivist, or in his words, “A political prisoner due to the oppressive forces of the Illuminati and the soft-serve yogurt industry.”

You loose your job at Dairy Queen and start smuggling chupacabras to try and support three ex-wives it tends to put you at ideological odds with the principals our country was founded upon – and the inherent need for processed yogurt with crushed up Jolly Ranchers sprinkled atop it.

I guess my point is that a person’s word should be their bond.  A bet’s a bet.

Stephanie Fuller has become a friend of mine over the past few weeks due to…  Well, I’ll let her tell the strange circumstances as she answers

11 Questions of Badassary!  The Reaching Out To Readers Edition!

Stephanie Fuller aka @ImaFuller aka Pop-Culture Goddess aka She Read My Book So She’s Fucking Awesome!

1.
You describe yourself on Twitter as follows: Married, Mom, and Geek at heart. I’m into books, TV, movies and crafty things (crochet and scrapbook/card making). That is me in a nutshell. I’m pretty cool.

Please rattle off some of your geek credentials in the field of books, TV, and movies. We’ll save the crocheting and scrapbooking so you’ll have questions to answer when Martha Stewart’s blog comes a’callin’

-Wait…you’re NOT Martha Stewart???? No, ok…um…I feel so put on the spot…gah! Well, movies and TV…I’ll watch pretty much anything. If it sounds interesting, I’m game. If I have the time. Geeky stuff? I’ve watched all the Star Trek movies…and pretty much all the TV episodes. Also all the Star Wars movies (yes, all 6…Ewan McGregor is in 3 of those…hot damn!). I’ve watched many of the “super hero” movies…Batman, Superman, Spider-man, Iron Man (I apparently like to watch the men…he he he) and went to the theater for the latest Avenger movie. 

There was an ass-kicking woman in the Avenger’s too you know? Oh right, you were staring at Loki.

I like lots of pop culture movies and tv too. I rattle off random quotes from movies/tv too. Is that geeky? Oh and I LOVE Doctor Who!!! And Sherlock, both the BBC series and the Robert Downey Jr movies. 

Guy in the back in the blue shirt, “I can’t believe I’m getting paid right now to lean against this railing and stare at Black Widow in a rubber outfit.” Try to come up with a better caption than mine and I’ll send you a free Kindle copy of Billy Purgatory if you make me laugh! Put it in the comments below.

And Merlin (another BBC show!) Books…um…well, I don’t think I’m very geeky there. Most of the stuff I read are recommendations from friends or the occasional one that I saw on The Colbert Report. If I don’t like a book, I will not finish it. That is why I base my choices on recommendations. I read everything from John Grisham, Stephen King to um…well, a certain book w/a certain number of shades. Yes…I read it!!! Did that answer your question?

2.
Can you describe how we met on Twitter, and the wager, of Game of Thrones epicosity, that was constructed between you and I?

-Well. I met you as a “friend of a friend of a friend” on Twitter. Basically, a certain person *cough*StevenLuna*cough* is always throwing books my way to read. 

Surprisingly before now, I hadn’t picked Billy Purgatory up. Probably because it didn’t seem like something I’d like even though I have no idea why I thought that. Anyway…so, he brings you into the conversation. Words are exchanged and you end up promising me that if I buy your book and I DON’T like it, you’ll give me my dollar back. I really was kidding around with you, but then…THEN…you said that if I DIDN’T like Billy Purgatory, you’d buy me a PIZZA! I bought it right then and there!

3.
So you bought Billy Purgatory, and yet, you had Teriyaki Chicken for lunch the next day according to your Twitter feed. Were you trying to trick me, and in essence, the internet with your bold, yet confusing, choices?

-For the record, it wasn’t the next day. I bought the book on Tuesday (June 26th). The Teriyaki Chicken (and fried rice) was Wednesday (July 4th). I don’t play by the rules, so you’ll never understand my choices in food and what they really mean. Mwhahahaha! That Teriyaki Chicken was amazing though. *drool*

Oh, sorry I was off by a few days. Now tell me, what did I have for lunch yesterday? Cause I’m guessing you might have sources to clue you in.

4.
Do you think that people should still handle our differences by challenging one another to duels?

-That would be so awesome. Just not with real guns/bullets. Cause then people would be dueling over stupid shit like “She said my ass looked fat in this dress!”. Or “Hey, that was my parking spot, didn’t you see my turn signal from two isles over???” And then they’d be dead. Maybe water guns instead??? You aren’t planning on challenging me to a duel are you? If so, I change my answer. I’m too chicken for a duel.

If we start dueling again, I vote for the Sanjuro-stand-off!

5.
This is your “I’m a mom” question: Waterparks. WTF?

- As a child that didn’t have a pool growing up, the rare visit to the water park was the coolest thing ever!!! As a mom…I see it as a cesspool of germs, annoying people you don’t know, nor want to know and panic attacks when your child isn’t immediately within sight. Also, I hate being in public wearing a swimsuit.

Even creepier when they’re abandoned and all the kids have grown up and become restless and haunted young adults IE characters in a Marni Mann book.

6.
At one point, we were neck and neck in our battle for free pizza. Do you think you showed your hand too soon by revealing online that your ringtone is the Dr. Who Theme?

-Nah. If you go to my Twitter homepage, my wallpaper is covered in the TARDIS. Go check…I’ll wait. *whistles* It was never a secret that I love myself a Time Lord. Also, It is Doctor Who…not Dr. Who. 

7.
Are you ready to publically make peace with Amy Pond? Or, can you just not let it go?

-No. Never give up…never Surrender!

I don’t know what Amy Pond did that was so bad – but I’d sure as hell forgive her!

8.
Are you geeky enough to have ever gone to a “con”? And if you did/have attended a con did you dress up like a comic book character, a Star Trek character, or are you one of those ‘Magik The Gathering’ kinda gals?

-I did go to a “con” just a few months ago…my very first one! I live in a Chicago burb, so the whole family (husband, kidlet and I) went to C2E2 in Chicago. I got to meet Val Kilmer

Atari-Era Val.

and John Barrowman (Jack Harkness from Doctor Who/Torchwood) as well as a quick “Hi” with a couple cool Twitter friends I hadn’t met before. 

Wait! Lazlo wasn’t there?!?

I did not dress up for C2E2. It was kind of last minute, so I didn’t even have a way to throw something together as I am lacking in the geeky clothing department. I have no idea what I’d even go dressed as…probably something Doctor Who. Any ideas for next year? I’m a girl, so it will probably have to have the word “Sexy” in the beginning, right?

Don’t even roll your eyes, y’all knew I was gonna post some shit like this.

9.
As you read Billy Purgatory, what was the tipping point for you when you realized that you weren’t gonna get free pizza delivered to your house?

-Honestly, I never planned on getting the free pizza. As hilarious of a story that would be for my future grandkids to hear, I went in fully expecting to like and/or love Billy Purgatory. My friend *cough*StevenLuna*cough* has never steered me wrong yet w/a recommendation, and I was sure this wasn’t going to be the exception. However…there was one line that got to me hook, line and sinker and I knew this was going to be the end of my free pizza no matter how much I joked about it. Chapter 17, part 2. The whole part that I LOVE is 2 paragraphs starting with “The best times are the uncertain ones and the spontaneous ones.” The first line of the 2nd paragraph “Time is what always ruins no matter what.” Holy fucking shit, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut and had the wind knocked out of me. It made me start crying. Seriously. I’m not going to tell you why, but believe me…it resonated with me and still does. And it still makes me want to go cry. Make me feel feelings. Jerk.

Art by Thomas Boatwright

10.
What kinda geeky stuff would you like to see more of in entertainment? What would you like to see a lot less of?

-More Benedict Cumberbatch!!! Although, I don’t know if Benedict Cumberbatch qualifies as geeky, does he? I mean…he IS BBC’s Sherlock…and will be in the new Star Trek movie. Yeah, I think that will work…more Cumberbatch!!! 

She means this dude.

Less??? Um…well…it isn’t geeky, but less Kardashians and Reality TV!!!

Now she’s talking about this.

11.
What kind of pizza would you have ordered? Better make it a good one, cause I wasn’t springing for cheesy-bread or wings or any of that stuff. You could have had all the packets of grated cheese you wanted though – that shit’s free!

-There are so many options out there. Good ones, ok ones, terrible ones…and I live near Chicago, so Deep Dish or Stuffed is always amazing! But, I have my guilty pleasure pizza…Jets! 

Was this meant to taunt me?

That stuff is so freaking greasy…and so yummy! *drool* It has to be square though. Not that round shit! With the crispy corner pieces. And I don’t even need a lot of fancy toppings…just simple pepperoni (hell throw in mushrooms too) are good enough for me. 

To wash the Kardashian out of your eye-sockets!

Ok…now I know what I want for dinner tomorrow or maybe this weekend. Wait…I think I’ve changed my mind about Billy!

* * * * *

Thanks Stephanie, you’re badass!

Stephanie is a great sport for agreeing to do all this and letting me interview her.

This is the review that Stephanie wrote up for Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird:

“Billy Purgatory: I Am the Devil Bird” in one word…BADASS. You can’t see it, but both my hands are throwing up devil horns right now. It feels appropriate to do it with that word. I’m sorry…what? A one word review isn’t enough for you? Alright…fine.

This book combines all sorts of crazy and off the wall stuff all in one book. We’ve got vampires (no sparkles), zombies (not the walking kind), mythological peeps (think snakes) and one ring (er…boy) to rule them all.

Billy Purgatory isn’t your everyday kid. Not even close. Armed with his skateboard and badass (see, told you it was a great word to use to describe this book!) attitude, we start the book out with Billy’s memory as a 10 year old kid. And he meets a girl. *sigh* And just like Billy, she is nowhere near normal. And this will not be the first time they meet. *sigh*

Along the way, we learn more about Billy. The story is about him, after all. Time gets all wibbly-wobbly for me while reading this, as the author (Jesse James Freeman) has left a lot of age/place type information for your own minds to decide. I’m not complaining, though. It works. I’m just weird like that. During Billy’s life, he meets a few other people who are important to his journey. I’d go more into detail, but then you wouldn’t read it, would you?

Mr. Freemen is absolutely amazing at describing, well, everything. Amazing! So many times I felt like I was right there along with Billy. Like I could smell the zombie…hear the rain…this man is good. Real good. I found myself gasping a few times. And…he even made me cry once…or twice. Maybe. Also, he gives you the single most badass birth scene you’ll ever encounter..think “Kill Bill”…no joke!

My favorite books are the ones that keeps me up late reading, multiple nights in a row, until my eyes cannot stay open any more, trying to push through “one more chapter”. LOVE! So…if you haven’t figured it out yet…go read this book. Now. Do not pass go. Do not collect free pizza. Enjoy the badassery! Me? Now I have to wait for Billy to return…

Time Zombie says CLICK the picture!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Jesse James recently contributed 4 essays to the book Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays, co-authored by Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen. All author proceeds will be donated to charities engaged in the fight against breast cancer.

Jesse James is currently working on Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, MythCop, Vehemently Jones, Blood-Love, R. Cane, and Witches vs Robots.

Billy Purgatory Travels the World (kind of…

There is almost nothing that is absolute in this world we live in.  Yetis are snorting bath salts, Aliens are abducting Kardashians, The Real World is still on the air … sometimes it seems like the whole world has gone brick-shithouse-crazy.  There is one thing that I can rely on though, and will always be able to rely on no matter what they’re reporting on TMZ – I have the most amazing friends in the world.

This is not an over-speculation on my part, it’s a fact.  Sometimes it doesn’t take much to hammer the point home, that people believe in you and they were thinking about you.  That they took the time to do something kinda silly, but amazingly cool all the same.

My friends Justin & Laurel Matthews just went on vacation to sunny Orlando, and they took Billy Purgatory with them and brought back photographic evidence to prove it.  It’s not that they took the pictures – it’s that they had the idea that’s so damn cool.  They took time out of their lives to do it.

Your friends are thinking about you, and they have your back.  If you ever lose sight of that, they’ll show you in the weirdest ways.  Take comfort in your friends, everybody.  They’re special and you’re special to them.  They laugh at your dumb jokes (most times, they’re the only ones that get them), they’ll embarrass you by having the waiters make you stand on chairs at restaurants while the waiters sing Happy Birthday to you, they’ll kill zombies with you when the shit goes down.

Isn’t that what it’s all about?

(I robbed these out of Laurel’s FB album “Where has your Billy been?” with permission)

“The white man’s gods will not let him die.”

Solving crime!

On a Yeti Hunt!

Billy Purgatory ain’t afraid of no ghosts!

Relaxing on an exotic Florida beach!

Jungle Book!

“Mom?”

Chillaxin’ at Animal Kingdom!

Sherlock Holmes left that there!

Justin Matthews pays homage to a legend at Disney Hollywood Studios!

Laurel Matthews made the Hollywood Tower of Terror her bitch!

Thanks Justin & Laurel – you’re both completely badass!

Click for Time Zombie Transportation to Amazon!

I am the Interstellar-Bodhisattva + Billy Purgatory still FREE

Friends (and the nine other people who read this blog), my adventures across the galaxy with the would-be invading Mozrian Saucer Attack Armada have ended.  I have been returned to you after achieving enlightenment (not so much in the wearing robes all day and chanting/eating rice sense, but more like the wow I can’t believe I drank that much and hangovers are so much worse in zero-G sense).

Japanese Zen master Sesso warned, “There is little to choose between a man lying in the ditch heavily drunk on rice liquor, and a man heavily drunk on his own ‘enlightenment’!”

The Saucer-People were forced to bring me back, even though there were many badass things I had yet to teach their space-culture, due to an unfortunate incident on Venus (or as they call it, Las Venus) involving an alien showgirl (before you ask, she did kinda look like Gina Gershon) and the Earth/Solar System at Large Annulment Treaty (which was enacted in secret during the Clinton administration).

The one on the left ('cause I've never been THAT drunk)

So, I’m technically banned from space and have to wear an ankle-monitor which starts blinking like a Mean Girl at the cocaine-jewelry store if I happen to get too high (no, not that kind of high – like on a rocket ship high).  I’m shrugging off the bad stuff and rolling with the punches, because I guess it was time to return to good old planet Earth.  Especially with the vast knowledge of the greater-universe and the nature of philosophy-bullshit and etc that I have now.  I’m pretty sure I was sent back to change the world, kind of like when all those rock stars get together and sing when a kid falls down a well.

 

I don’t want to hit you with all this knowledge all in one blog post.  I feel it’s a lot more fair to the people of our planet if I take time to collect all of my thoughts and arrange them into a 27 volume audio cassette collection, that way your brain won’t explode like Scanners and you can listen and learn at your leisure – or however fast you wanna set up the installment plan to send more tapes via your credit card (except you people with Diners – you know, join us in the 90′s why don’t'cha).

So, listen to me if you want to – and I’ll try my best to explain to you alien stuff.  Oh, and listen to Charlize Theron too, I don’t know why she’s important, but she is.  The aliens refer to her as the High Laser Priestess – they might also be really confused from watching Aeon Flux on a loop (because, it happened to me – but there’s no need to go into my rehab at that place in Malibu story again).

Google needs to up the search potential for 2 Days in the Valley

The saucer’s dropped me off in Orlando, Florida – which is a collection of strip malls and suburban homes all ruled by Mickey Mouse – I felt it was a good and accurate sampling of Americana.  While I was there, I took a walk around Disney World to collect my thoughts (and to drink, because that’s how we roll in Epcot):

First I drank in Germany...

...then I had pizza in Italy.

I went Yeti Hunting!

(I'm totally working my vacation photos into this blog post - pretend you don't notice) I don't know what that thing is across the lake, but it's shiny and that's pretty badass.

My doctor told me to add more fruit into my diet - so I drank mojitos.

Then I called Amy Pond...

... ! ...

...then Amy Pond and I had beers. She talked about how cool it was to be famous and I was like, "Yeah, I know."

Then we captured rhinos together!

After a plane ride (ironically, I sat next to an astronaut on the flight – I’m not making that up),  I again found myself on my secure forest moon of Endor compound, and as soon as I finish typing this blog post and tagging it with stuff like Charlize Theron is a Laser Princess and Gina Gershon in Viva Las Venus, I will again be hard at work on the sequel to Billy Purgatory (Billy Purgatory and the Curse of the Satanic Five, etc etc).

"You are under contract for a sequel + mama needs her cupcakes!"

Speaking of Billy Purgatory, I have noticed that it has been FREE the entire time that I was kidnapped by alien saucer girls – I can only assume that my publisher did this because they felt that I was probably dead/never coming back/in space prison and they wanted to honor my memory.  Even though I have lost millions thousands some dollars because of this – I have decided to let the book remain FREE while I finish up the sequel this week.

I urge you to check it out – again, it’s fucking FREE and if you don’t get a copy, and tell your friends to get a copy, and take your grandma’s Kindle from her and download a copy onto it for her (just tell her you’re gonna hook her up and “stop the clock from flashing” – that ALWAYS works) you’ll be letting the space-aliens win!

Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy Purgatory dares you to join him.

FREE Kindle, Click and make it rain!

Check out Joe Vampire on Kindle! It's badassary approved.

Sequel!

Still Alien Abducted + Writers I Admire + Billy Purgatory FREE on Kindle

Greetings brothers and sisters of Planet Earth!  The Mozrian Saucer Armada pulled into a club on the not-so outer-ring of Saturn.  I thought the rave on Pluto last night would have shut these guys and green girls down – but if there’s anything I can report with any certainty to all of you who are scared that aliens are gonna blow you up – it’s that aliens are way too distracted getting their club on to worry about a full-scale invasion.

There's a reason Space-Aliens abducted Randy Quaid.

It’s seriously like you dropped a Kardashian into a shoe store and told her there was a free E! Channel Wedding Coupon hiding in one of the boxes of Jimmy Choo’s – the party is kicking until someone is stumbling out with a new financee and a fancy pair of strappy heels.

Now's your chance, dude - her Fiiii - Ance left her!

So anyway, club life in the outer cosmos doesn’t look like it’s stoppin’ anytime soon.  Meanwhile, while I’m out here trying to get alien girls to notice me – which is a whole set of problems beyond getting regular girls to notice me – back on Earth a lot of people have downloaded their FREE Kindle copy of Billy Purgatory: I am the Devil Bird.  People seem to really be into the idea of checking out what Billy Purgatory is all about + they seem to like getting stuff free too – it’s my pleasure to provide both of these things to anyone who wants them.

Billy Purgatory cover art by the amazing Thomas Boatwright!

A writer who I follow on Twitter by the name of Tim Queeney – who wrote some really cool books that I like, George In London & The SHIVA Compression + runs a really funny site called Height of Eye, was nice enough to read Billy Purgatory and write up a review.  I guess I’m never really prepared fully for people to like the book enough to write a review, much less say stuff like this:

The first few pages of Billy Purgatory seal the deal. You quickly realize that this is no ordinary skatekid, vampire, monster, devil bird book. Billy Purgatory is a phantasmagorical thrill ride into a world of teenage love, blood dripping undead and one of the most outrageously entertaining birth scenes ever written. More than merely a humorous, stylish foray into the horror genre, however, this book also resonates with themes of love, loss and acceptance of the way that life can hold us back, even break us. The last thing you might expect about so entertaining and imaginative a book like this is how touching and ultimately true it is. If there is something about Billy Purgatory that might not work for some readers, it might be the book’s episodic/dreamlike structure that doesn’t move like a standard linear plot. But that shouldn’t stop anyone from grabbing a copy of Billy and going for a wild ride!

The fact he’s a fellow author who I respect and am a fan of just makes it all better.

Billy Purgatory is still bouncing around the Top Ten on Kindle’s Contemporary Fantasy list (#6 last time I checked) and it’s still FREE and I’d love for you to get yourself a copy and I’d love even more to hear what you think about it.  When I get back to Earth, I’m probably gonna charge money for it (if I’m not too hung over from all these future drinks to remember to change the price).

Click for Time Zombie Transportation!

Author Jesse James Freeman delivers a comic book for the ages in novel form with this wild, tongue-in-cheek, imaginative creation that will suspend your disbelief. Jump in if you’re looking to immerse yourself in a unique and original fantasy tale with a sick twist….Billy dares you to join him.

Other Earth-Badassary News that I heard about today (via Space-Twitter)…

Author R.B. Wood has re-launched his outstanding novel The Prodigal’s Foole today!

Check out this smoking hot cover – it’s sweeter than space-love!

Patricia Tallman, from Babylon 5 gave him an even sweeter cover blurb:  “GREAT RIDE! Loved reading it.  Couldn’t put it down!”

Classy hot space lady! Patricia Tallman, you're doing it right *sigh*

The Prodigal's Foole is FREE for a limited time for you to grab up too! Click!

A man can run from his past … but not his future.

Symon Bryson lives in self-imposed exile until Monsignor DuBarry goes missing and not even the most adept of the magic practitioners can determine the reason for the abduction. The clues lie buried in the past amidst epic battles and horrific losses but reliving that failed mission uncovers fresh challenges and fearsome threats that reunite his old team.

Symon must deal with his own hidden demons and confront the menace that threatens the delicate balance of power. When the darkest of all evils lures Symon into springing a long-planned trap, an unsuspecting world will confront the unthinkable.

When all that stands between Heaven and Hell is magic, more than faith will be tested.

Check out Tim Queeney too!

Click on George!

“George in London is funny and a touch irreverent, a fun voyage which, if it didn’t happen, we should wish it did. Tim Queeney captures the spirit of the young Washington and surrounds him with a cast of compelling characters, foremost among them the indomitable Darius Attucks. And if the personal history is made up, the social history is spot on. The customs, speech and eighteenth century settings are rendered with well-researched accuracy. For readers who might like their history leavened with humor, this book is for you.”

-James L. Nelson, author of the books, “George Washington’s Secret Navy: How the American Revolution Went to Sea” (McGraw Hill); “George Washington’s Great Gamble: And the Sea Battle That Won the American Revolution” (Ragged Mountain Press) and “With Fire and Sword: The Battle of Bunker Hill and the Beginning of the American Revolution” (Thomas Dunne Books).

Click the Missile!

The ultimate doomsday weapon: The top secret SHIVA Compression virus can automatically launch all U.S. nuclear missiles. Once released onto the nation’s communications networks, SHIVA cannot be turned off.

Air Force Lieutenant Perry Helion stumbles across a twisted cult that seeks to use SHIVA to produce an orgy of destruction. Perry and his team have only a few days to somehow stop the SHIVA virus from burrowing into the launch computers at every Minuteman missile base and sending the nuclear warheads arcing skyward to an all-consuming firestorm.

Walter Penko’s “The Onion Psychiatrist” [Graphic Novel]

Walter Penko produces an indie comic out of his garage in Sylvania, Illinois – it’s called The Onion Psychiatrist. Just as the title states, it’s about an onion that is also a psychiatrist.

The premise of the book is that people come in to talk about their fears, their lives, their phobias – and the onion psychiatrist sits quietly listening. Invariably, just as his patients will start to feel better about their problems, the drifting lines that Penko draws to indicate the odor of the onion psychiatrist will reach the patient’s nose and they will begin tearing up and crying uncontrollably.

The onion psychiatrist only listens, Penko never employs talk bubbles with the character. The silent dialogue from the onion psychiatrist is handled by the swirling odor-lines eminating from his spherical frame. In this way, the onion is a silent observor of life’s happenings, trapped within some self imposed solitary confinement and unable to effectively interact with those people who desperately need him the most.

His patients are shown panel by panel pouring out their souls about life’s tragic circumstances while the onion sits there, quietly, stewing in his own stench. It’s as if this stench is actually a pervading anti-noise that cuts the patients down panel per panel, until they can no longer keep their composure, and in an explosive mess of tears and Kleenex, they let it all go.

Onion Psychiatrist is a tale of life in our time.  Detached from the closeness of other humans and retreating further and further into stinky personal hells. The book employs this metaphor as its core theme – the pushing away from society until the stink of it all breaks us down and exposes the fragile souls within the armor we wear day to day. As tears are purged and emotions well to the surface we are all, inevitably, gasping for clean air.

Penko himself is one who has been gasping his entire life – reaching out, but not really knowing how or who to reach to. Comics were never his life’s ambition, and even now as a sort of cult figure in the indie comics world, he seems uneasy with the whole affair. He began Onion Psychiatrist after he was laid off from the computer manufacturing industry (The Intellivision crash of ’83).

He could only find odd jobs to sustain himself and his family (eleven cats, all named Whiskers). He began his comics career after becoming obsessed with the newspaper staple The Family Circus, but also credits Hi and Lois as a huge inspiration. Never into the idea of superheroes, he decided that if he was going to venture into the comics world he’d have to create something real and that spoke to people just like me.

Penko took the plunge, investing in materials and given the luxury of free time to work on the book after a successful appearance on the game show The Price is Right allowed him to win a Showcase Showdown. Selling off his prizes for cash (a new dishwasher, a grandfather clock, and a Chevy Cavalier), …

…he purchased art supplies and began working on what would become Onion Psychiatrist. Disheveled and walking around his house in a dirty bathrobe, he drank nothing but Sanka and obsessively chewed nicotine gum for inspiration.

His compulsions paid off eventually.

Even now with his cult status and his awards he still doesn’t feel he’s arrived. Something seems to still naw at him – as if he’s the subject of his own comic. The book, he admits, has been cathartic for him.  He ventures out more, joining a square dancing class recently as well as participating in war re-enactments of the US occupation of Grenada.

“I guess…” as he ends our talk through his locked screen door, “I guess I just haven’t smelt that stank yet – that stinked.  You know? I guess I ain’t got a good enough snitched of my own stink, that which comes from my own onion. It ain’t made them teardrops flow.”

As the front door proper closed, I heard the rhythmn of many locks snapping into place and I left there feeling I had learned something about the human condition. I hummed a tune, as I lazily made my way to the next house on the block, still trying to give away all those copies of Watchtower that weighed me down so – but with a little more spring in my step.

* * * * *

I am not the genius that Walter Penko is, and I have never written a comic about Sanka or Onions, but…

Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixes cars and even goes to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

Click for Time Zombie Transportation to Amazon!

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.

Write For The Fight, Riversong, Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales: Some thoughts from Atlantis, Ranch!

I was lucky enough to participate in a collaborative effort put together recently by Booktrope   and Tess Hardwick (Riversong) and Tracey Hansen – it’s called Write for the Fight: A Collection of Seasonal Essays.  I am obviously proud of it, maybe more proud than the time I won the UIL First Place Editorial Writing Competition when I was in high school and wrote for the student newspaper (which actually happened, I’m not making this one up).

I didn't win all these, I Google'd 'em.

I’m more proud of Write for the Fight because I kind of knew that I was going to win the UIL thing and didn’t work so hard for it.  The topic was “whether or not we should allow prayers before school sponsored sporting events” and I went with arguing the side that I was pretty certain I would be the only kid in the room arguing for.  I grew up in Texas, I’ll let you guess how I bucked the trend.  I guess I wrote a good editorial piece, the judges seemed to think so, but I was also more arguing for what I knew would win instead of putting any real effort into what I was writing from any sort of deep held philosophical perspective.

For all practical purposes, I wasn’t writing – I was counting cards at the casino and hoping I wouldn’t get caught.

Please LIKE Write for the Fight on Facebook!

Write for the Fight was a different sort of deal – I respect Tess, Tracey, Marni, and all the other really great writers involved – and I felt that if I counted cards this time I’d be doing the rest of them an injustice – again, Texas, weird sense of honor down here.  When I had to write my essays:  What do you miss about being 5 years old?, What would you tell your 20-year-old-self?, What, at this point in your life, do you want, wish and dream of for your life going forward?, What would you want said about you on your 80th birthday? : I felt that I needed to be really honest and speak from the heart.  That’s not really what my writing is traditionally about – if you’ve read Billy Purgatory and you follow this blog, you know that I am a #badass.  I write about: skateboard monster killing, heroes with 1000 faces, motorcycles on fire, Devil Birds, Time Zombies, emotionally-unavailable vampire girlfriends, and Sword Witches.

I mean, I’m seriously considering plotting out a book about Witches VS Robots…

"Negative, Ghost Rider."

Well, regardless if Witches VS Robots is a good idea or not – the point I’m making is that my writing is normally meant for straight entertainment value.  I like taking people on adventures to places that they’ll probably never go (cause I make that BS up!), I like giving people something to turn off their brains and have some fun, and above all else, I love making them laugh and feel better about themselves after their done reading.

Laughing like this chick, whose name I can't spell, back before Heroes sucked and then got cancelled.

Could I write essays in such a serious book?  For awhile there, I thought that I’d never be able to answer any of these questions and I was sort of in crisis a little about the whole thing.  That’s until it hit me – just because the word essay is part of the title it doesn’t mean that this is a serious book at all.  Yeah, parts of it are serious, sure, but just as much of the really great life stories that these authors from all over have to say in this book isn’t so serious.  These stories run the whole gambit from light-hearted and fun to thought provoking and spiritually deep.  These authors I was lucky enough to work with all opened up and shared stories from their lives with the world.  Just because technically they’re essays doesn’t mean they’re snooty book-learnin’ stuff that we had to write in college in those awful blue books and turn in for a grade.

I couldn't find a picture of a college blue book, so here's some S&H Green Stamps - back before they sucked and got cancelled.

Doesn’t mean they’re some silly question some judge thought up to make high school kids argue about in a fake newspaper article so they could win some fake gold trophy pin (which, by the by, looks really nice with those Texas Star imitation gold-cuff links I’m prone to wear on special occasions).  They’re not really essays at all in my mind.  They’re really good stories that will make the people who read them go off on adventures they might never go on – but they’re guaranteed to resonate on the reader’s own life adventures.  There might be a few tears, there are definite laughs, and there will be smiles when we realize something about that sameness we all share that Tess Hardwick is so fond of blogging about.

"Our Sameness" ie here's another picture of Tess in her prom dress surrounded by a lot of people who wish that this picture of their hair-do's didn't exist. See how life stories, and the 80's, point out our similarities to one another.

We really hope you’ll consider reading some stories we wrote that speak of journey’s we took in our lives.  We also hope that these stories will spark memories, hopes, and new dreams about the story your own life is writing for you.

Please LIKE Write for the Fight on Facebook!

Click to check out Write for the Fight on Amazon Kindle! All author proceeds for this book donated to breast cancer charities!

Authors Tess Hardwick and Tracey Hansen, inspired by the myriad voices in the world, compile a melting pot of life paths from over a dozen unique individuals, each exploring the four timeless questions we’ve all pondered:

· What do you miss about being 5 years old?
· What would you tell your 20-year-old self?
· What, at this point in your life, do you want, wish and dream of for your life going forward?
· What would you want said about you on your 80th birthday?

These experiences make us who we are, defining our personalities, perspectives and dreams as we move through the seasons of life – from memories at age 5 to the person we hope to be described as on our 80th birthday.

From the thoughtful to the blunt, experienced to the young – WRITE FOR THE FIGHT is a humorous and emotional journey that will take you back to the best of times and get you energized for the future. All writer royalties will be donated to charities benefiting the fight against breast cancer.

Contributing Writers
Gordon Bonnet
Galit Breen
F. Jo Bruce
Derek Flynn
Jesse James Freeman
Laura Kilmartin
Marni Mann
Karla J. Nellenbach
Terry Persun
Laura Tiberio
Laura Zera

And speaking of stories…

Marni Mann is one of the writers involved in Write for the Fight, plus she also wrote the awesome Memoirs Aren’t Fairytales!

Click for Amazon Kindle!

“I could feel my chin falling towards my chest, my back hunching forward. My body was acting on its own, and my mind was empty, like all my memories had been erased. There was scenery behind my lids. Aqua colored water and powdery sand that extended for miles. I was never going back to coke. I wanted more heroin. And I wanted it now.”

Leaving behind a nightmarish college experience, nineteen-year-old Nicole and her best friend Eric escape their home of Bangor, Maine to start a new life in Boston. Fragile and scared, Nicole desperately seeks a new beginning to help erase her past. But there is something besides freedom waiting for her in the shadows–a drug that will make every day a nightmare.

Heroin.

With one taste, the love that once flowed through Nicole’s veins turns into cravings. Tracks mark the passing of time, and heroin’s grip gets tighter. It holds her hand through deaths and prostitution, but her addiction keeps her in the darkness. When her family tries to strike a match to help light her way, Nicole must choose between a life she can hardly remember, or a love for heroin she’ll never forget.

And…

…the talk of the day (she’s been hovering all over the Kindle Top Five today *Update* Hit #1 today!!!) and the Queen of the Prom, Tess Hardwick!  She wrote a fantastic book called Riversong, which, at the time of this blog posting, is FREE on Amazon Kindle!

Click for Amazon Kindle!

When Lee Tucker’s husband commits suicide, he leaves her pregnant and one million dollars in debt to a loan shark. Out of options, she escapes to her deceased mother’s dilapidated house located in a small Oregon town that, like her, is financially ruined, heartbroken and in desperate need of a fresh start. Lee’s resilience leads to a plan for a destination restaurant named Riversong, to new chances for passion and love, and to danger from her dead husband’s debt as her business blooms.

Author Tess Hardwick assembles a colorful cast of endearing small-town characters and takes you on a journey that will make you believe in the possibilities of life – even in the face of overwhelming adversity and unimaginable grief. Lee Tucker is the kind of woman you find yourself rooting for long after the last page is read.

A surprising mix of romance, humor, friendship, intrigue and gourmet food – Riversong entertains while reminding you of life’s greatest gifts.

Wrapping it up…

…Billy Purgatory happens to be the most badass skateboarder and sweet talker any broad can meet–even at the age of ten. He is also the target of supernatural forces he can’t understand, and doesn’t want to.

Billy just can’t seem to avoid all things Monster. Growing up, he encounters Devil Birds, gypsies, Time Zombies and vampires (and not the kind you want to bring home to your Pop, either). He tries to convince himself they’re not real by joining the army, fixes cars and even goes to Vegas. But whenever Billy thinks he’s put it all behind him, a monster shows up, and it’s usually in the form of the beautiful Anastasia…

Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.  Jesse did actually win an editorial writing award when he was in high school, but he lies about practically everything else that he posts on this blog.  He is currently plotting his new novel Witches VS Robots.