I can’t figure out what all these abduct’ee folks keep going on and on about – it’s a mystery to me. Being held captive on the Mozrian Attack Saucer has been the best party I’ve been to since Charlie Sheen and I got kicked out of The Mansion. Last night, or however that works in outer space, we went to a rave on the planet Pluto (and yeah, snobby astronomers, Pluto is a planet – and the Pluto’y'ans are straight pissed about that still). Armin van Buuren was spinnin’, it’s called A State of Pluto up there – and FYI if a green lady ever offers you any little star-shaped pills TAKE THEM (they’re cool *wink wink*).
Dancing on top of a speaker stack while a million aliens chant, “Cupcakes, bitch!” – it just doesn’t get any more intergalactic than that. I’m pretty sure I’m not coming back at this point – I’m worshiped in outer space – a lot like Oprah is.
I feel a lot like that guy, that made that mountain out of mashed potatoes because he thought he saw E.T. – and they hadn’t invented Reese’s Pieces yet. They took that guy into space too, which is weird because as far as I’ve seen there aren’t any sharks in space – so I don’t know what good he’d have done any outer-space people. Maybe he wrote another Opus like he did in Amsterdam?
Dammit, ya know – those pills that alien gave me tasted just like peanut butter – guess I’m just naturally high on my own space-badassary + never trust a green chick!
Meanwhile, Space-Twitter (which is way cooler than Earth-Twitter because it’s all holograms and they say stuff like, “Help me Jesse James, you’re my only hope!”, which is pretty awesome to hear finally – anyway – I have been alerted that Billy Purgatory is still FREE on Earth Kindle (on Space Kindle it’s 27 Million Galactic Credits)! So, anyone on Earth has been put on notice – you better get it free while I’m raving on Pluto and green-chicks are distracting me with Reese’s Pieces (and well, other stuff about them is distracting, but you know Don’t hate the space-player hate the Game!)…
Plus, I heard Tupac came back to life – which is completely badass!