People have been sending in their medical questions to me – at first I wasn’t sure why. True, I am a renaissance badass – kind of a da Vinci Vitruvian dude meets Evel Knievel – but I wasn’t sure how any of that Dr. Quinn medicine business was gonna mix in. People normally ask me stuff about “what do I do if I get my leg caught in a Bigfoot trap?” or “if I was on fire and killing zombies how many rounds could I get off before the flames overtake me and I’d have to jump into a tub of Robitussin?”
So the more I thought about all that kinda stuff – I realized that FIRST AID might be important with the end of the world coming up soon and all – and that immanent attack by the aliens from V (old school V because that shit is real – new V is fake and made up like Taylor Swift).
"I'm in, just don't take EVERYTHING off."
Outer-space is a complicated place – especially when love is involved! Take for example: Gaea’s Chosen: Event Horizon by Cara Michaels, a book that’s full of all kinds of space-badassary and cool future-swords and meta-humans and a hot protagonist (what? Gemma Bryant sounds like a hottie-ass-kicker and I have no filter when it comes to hotness-ass-kickery) – and for the ladies there’s Marcus Gilpin and a cat-eyed-meta dude (if you’re into that kinda stuff).
This is the second installment of Cara’s space-serial, part one being Gaea’s Chosen: The Mayday Directive, and I like how this is all coming together. The first episode was more Gemma’s story, and you weren’t so sure about Dr. Marcus Gilpin – he’s a kind of pissed-off space-dude who isn’t so sure he made the right decision coming on this journey into outer-space. This second episode gives you a little flashback info on Marcus and his lost love, Tegan – and now I feel like I know what this guy is all about and I instantly was sympathetic to his plight – in space nobody can hear your romantic-angst so you’re forced to step it up or you get your heart tossed out an airlock. You know, it’s not all love-in-spaaaaaaccce – but that part of it definitely makes the characters real, believable, and gives you that much more reason to care about them when the crazy-cosmos-action cranks into overdrive!
Check it!
Dr. Marcus Gilpin left Earth with the woman he loved, but the very science he put his faith in promised her to another man…
Six months after waking in unknown parts of the galaxy, Marcus Gilpin is still recovering from a mauling that nearly killed him. His love gone, his ship lost—a crew of twenty now numbers only five, and he should have been among the dead.
He’s not entirely certain death wouldn’t be a relief—until he learns Gaea’s Ark isn’t alone, and a distress call reveals an unbelievable truth: The love he’d thought lost forever is still very much alive, and she’ll need his help to stay that way.
Gaea’s Chosen: Selected to settle a new world twenty light years from home…only things didn’t quite go as planned.
In matters of medicine, 13 is everyone's lucky number.
Meanwhile, back on Earth suddenly: Ask Dr. Badassary!
Tim: could you discuss the priapistic mechanism in the female? With examples and 8 x 10 glossies?
Tim, it all starts like this.
Quill Shiv: If my ankle is broken and my hands barely work anymore, does this mean I get a gov’t issued hot assistant/nurse? Oh, wait…that’s not a medical question… Um…I’m ailing..and I can’t decide which would help more: 4 or 5 helpers around the house?
Quill Shiv, according to what I saw on C-SPAN this morning you're eligible for one of these.
January Jones Assistant Anonymous: Is there value in eating placenta?
I don't know, the going rate is cheaper than my ebook plus it comes with BBQ chips - sounds like value to me!
Sex in the City cast Anonymous: Hey Doc, my third superfluous nipple aches–is that normal?
No, it's not normal - but I'm not saying it's wrong.
#dancedancedancemachine: Where do babies come from?
#dancedancedancemachine, this is where babies come from. Yes, I'm saying it's very wrong.
@Cinderella: I have lesions on my…er…face. Yeah. Or maybe they’re kind of wart like.
@Cinderella, totally cure-able. Stay away from those creams they sell at CVS that are for other parts of the body - the normally 'happy' parts.
Vehemently Jones Anonymous: Female priapism is called clitorism. I’m sure you can figure out the rest. But…clitorism. What kind of word is that? It makes it sound like having a clitoris is an ‘ism’, a disease. Wow. I don’t think I have typed the word clitoris so much!!
Dear Anonymous, I don't know what you're talking about and have never heard of any of that. But here are some pictures of other things that don't exist...
If you have more questions for Dr. Badassary, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook!
Make it rain and get your space on…
Click to get your ass tossed across the universe!
Cara Michaels is a dreamer of legendary proportions (just ask her about the alien pirate spaceship invasion). Her imagination is her playground and nothing is quite so much fun for her as building new characters and new worlds with at least an edge of the fantastic. She’s writing whenever the opportunity presents itself and can typically be found tinkering with half a dozen projects. Occasionally all at once.
She calls Florida ‘home’ when she’s not busy swearing about giant bugs and humidity. She has one super-cool fiancé who doesn’t (usually) mind the hours spent writing, editing, writing some more, and editing a lot more, one son with aspirations of becoming either a great wizard or an artist, and three cats who enjoy sleeping on her works in progress.
Badass Sci-Fi Author Cara Michaels!
Follow Cara Michaels on Twitter!
And if you’re curious about what sort of mental problems I might have that makes me blog in this fashion…
Click for Time Zombie Transportation!
Billy Purgatory is Jesse James Freeman’s first novel. He’s also studied psychology and film and scripted comics. When he’s not writing books, Jesse James trains falcons to kill Leprechaun Robots, and will continue to do so until the world is relatively safe.
***Jesse James Freeman is not ACTUALLY a doctor, and since a brief walk-on stint (ended by set-security) on General Hospital he doesn’t even play one on TV. You should not listen to anything he says and consult a real doctor if there is something wrong with you – in fact, you should never listen to ANYTHING that Jesse James Freeman ever tells you because he is a liar – a confident liar – but ultimately, a liar.
